JBMcDragon

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 05:28:36 GMT

Weiiiird day. Not one of those fun 'I lived a charmed life' kind of weird days, either.

Chels came over Thursday and we hung out, watched Star Trek: TOS (I'm converting her!), slept, got up the next day and tootled around, then went to see The Proposal (Oh, Ryan Reynolds! I'm adding you to my Secret Harem!), hung out for forty minutes and then went to see Star Trek (second time was EVEN BETTER).

Some Star Trek notes:

- Spock doesn't call Kirk Jim. I LISTENED FOR IT.
- There is no mention of a bond mate, so I can totally ignore that.
- Spock/Uhura only works because I love those actors/characters. If I think about Spock having a girlfriend in the abstract, I have so many issues with it. Starting with, "wtf, emotion?" It's like when an author comes up with a plot that IS CRACK, and it only works because they have such shiny writing that you don't realize it's crack.
- I saw the reflective lights kilerkki talked about, but I kinda like them. They make me think that in the future, space ships will be bright like doctor's offices, only friendly and warm. Also the world will be speedy.

Other than that, still with the Trek love.

So then Chels and I came home and watched more TOS, which was crack. We didn't go to bed until midnight, and then I woke up at eight. :P I had promo stuff to do today, so I thought at least I was awake to take the dogs scootering before it got hot! So I got the dogs out, started to hook them up -- and discovered both tires are flat. :((((( So I took them jogging, instead.

Then I started promo stuff, and Chels had to go. I was busy and distracted, so it's probably good she left, but then I was like, "...damn. I really just want to sit around and watch more TOS with her." But I couldn't, because I needed my computer for promo'ing anyway. :P

The UPS guy came and gave me my eee! Like, a week early, too. I have a shiny new computer (that I haven't so much as turned on. I was charging it.). And then I got a check for $300 from the credit card company, because apparently I overpaid them. Or they overcharged me. Something, I dunno. Then I paid the rest of my bills for the month, and tried not to look at how much money I don't have, and planned what to do with my $300.

Then I worked on Trek fic between promo'ing, and that was good. Except I started reading other Trek fic, and somehow decided I hated my story. Yeah, I dunno. I re-read and edited and re-read and it's a good story I think, and makes sense (and I'm trusting Al to tell me if it's too emo, so that if I get mostly done I won't go, "ACK TOO EMO" and have to trash the whole thing), and I was kinda blue. Mostly because I was tired. And then one of my regular clients canceled semi-permanently, which isn't entirely a surprise but makes me go, "ERK MONEY" and the two people I called Thursday haven't called me back, and I'm going to run out of money and DIE. Or something. I'm just a little stressed. My next dog training session is SATURDAY. Ugh. (Other than the dog training I'm doing for Glenna 5 days a week, but she pays me a flat fee.) I've handed out eighty gazillion cards and I'm not hearing back and I'm just a wee bit stressed. :P Good thing I have that $300...

Then I realized I was about to miss my appointment for this evening. o.O And as I was racing out the door, I got a call from this guy that I'd talked to Friday. This seriously socially inept guy, and we'd talked about my girlfriend and that we were romantic and how much I missed her, and at length that I was DATING A WOMAN, and he called me today to see if I wanted to go to a movie. And I said, "...sure, but you know I'm seeing someone, right?"

Him: Yeah.
Me: ...okay, I'm just double checking because sometimes guys will call and be like, 'I was hoping you'd just cheat on your girlfriend,' and that's not gonna happen. Ha ha ha.
Him: Oh, yeah, that's what I was thinking.
Me: ...Um. I'm not going to cheat on my girlfriend.
Him: Wait. What am I supposed to say here?
Me: *laughs politely* You could say that you aren't hitting on me at all, and you just wanted to hang out.
Him: No, I'm hitting on you.
Me: ...You do understand that I have a girlfriend?
Him: Yes.
Me: Romantically?
Him: Yes.
Me: And I'm not going to cheat on her.
Him: Oh. But, do you want to go to a movie tonight?
Me: As friends?
Him: No. I mean, do you want to go out?
Me: *BEATS PHONE AGAINST SINK* (only not really, because that would break my phone.)

Anyway, so I finally got out of that conversation because I was going to be late, and I don't even know how to be more blunt, so I'll just tell him FUCK NO if he calls back. Or something like that.

And then my clients had had a bad/scary thing with their dog and their 8-year-old neice, so everything was tense and down. :(

BUT! I got home and called my friend Ronnie, and I went to her apartment and we drank wine coolers and ranted at each other (she'd had a hard week at work), and I felt better. Though I'm still not keen on my fic. I'll have to look at it tomorrow, maybe. In the meantime, perhaps I'll go watch TOS for a bit...

OH YEAH. 2 things:

1. I dreamed about Buffy v. Edward Cullen last night, after showing Chelsea this video the night before:

2. I did promos today! Hero In Me is out today, and since it's a short story it's only $1.29 -- less, because you can get 15% off anything at Torquere through Monday if you use the coupon code catsaway! Here's the summary (which I quite like, and didn't have to write):

Zach's career as a police officer might be over, but his instincts haven't left him, along with the hard lessons he learned on the job. Zach just wants a nice night out, but his sharp wits and nagging conscience drive him to rescue a handsome young man from a bad situation. Will seems just like Zach's type, except that Zach doesn't get involved with victims. But Will isn't quite the victim Zach would like to make him out to be and, before Zach knows it, his personal principles are pitted against Will's fantastic body and determined spirit.

And then go buy By Degrees, if you haven't. Or wait until Aug 12, and it'll be out in print. :D But it won't be 15% off.

JB

PS Al snuck in and read my Trek fic while I was out dog training -- it probably looks to her like I'm reading over her shoulder, because I keep forgetting to close the screen, but I'm totally not. >.> (This makes sense if you know about GDocs) -- and she say it's GOOD. So now I feel much much better. Actually, what she said was,
"[this is.. the best plot development that could possibly have happened. you are amazing.]" Which is much much better than good, and I feel extremely relieved. This is like, as good as her earnest smilies. Or were they earnest frowns? They were earnest, and made me laugh. And I can believe her, because she told me when another bit wasn't good, so I know she will tell me if it doesn't work. YAY AL.

J

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:47:52 GMT

Hey, guys! I'm gabbing over at torquere_social today, so come on over and visit! Hero In Me is my new short story, released TODAY from Torquere, and if you enter the promo code catsaway you get an additional 15% off whatever you buy!

Over at the Torquere LJ I'll be posting excerpts, I've already talked about scootering and my sister in her underwear, and later there might be talk of Star Trek: Reboot. So hop over and check it out! :DDD

J

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 03:10:16 GMT

It's 8pm, and I just finished my work for the day, after starting at 8:30 this morning. >.> But I did have a twenty minute break mid-day to go to Fry's and look at computers (I'm now the proud owner of a factory refurbished Asus Eee, though I didn't buy it at Fry's -- I bought it seriously discounted on a website, and it won't be here for another week), and an hour or so break to go to the gym. YAY ME I WENT TO THE GYM.

I was hoping to get extra work done tonight. I haven't showered after my gym-going yet, so I might do that and see where I stand. My working ability seriously fails after 5 pm. I keep thinking it's just a matter of focusing, but no matter how hard I try it takes me three times as long to get things done (and that's not exaggerating.)

I was hoping to get Trek fic written tonight, and maybe see FL people and even -- gasp -- tag Phi or Ki back. Soooo not gonna happen. :P

Two more days, though, and come hell or high water the galleys will be done...

To the people, like mike_smith and Tap, who chimed in late on that other post -- thank you. :D I doubt I'm going to get a chance to go respond, but I've read everything pretty much eagerly, and agree. Thanks for the input and clarification in helping me figure out my responses. ;)

ashlan! Whatever days you said sound good. Just let me know when you do. :D

J

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 15:33:00 GMT

Hey, glockgal! I just saw azkatraz on the LJ opening page, where they pimp comms and things. I thought of you. ;-D

J

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 02:05:21 GMT

7pm, and I have another 20 pages to galley-check. And dinner and dishes and making something edible. Guh.

BUT! Look! I got the cover for In The Rough! Clickable if you want to see it bigger. :D

And just to remind you, this is the first book in the kinda-series (ITR is a companion piece), By Degrees:

Aren't they purty? By Degrees is already out in ebook, and In The Rough releases ONE MONTH FROM TODAY. And not just in ebook, oh no, but BOTH will be releasing in print! YAY!

J

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 01:08:12 GMT

My cousin Elin just called, and she's going to be in the area! With a spare horse I could ride! So I started looking at my schedule to see if I could make it down, and ye gods, no wonder I feel tired. (I always feel tired before I start being busy. Go figure.) My schedule for the week:

Monday:
125 pages galley'ed (which takes me HOURS)
1:00 - dog training
- drop off cards at 2 pet stores

Tuesday:
125 pages galley'ed
Drop of cards at two pet stores
Dinner with nezumiko and messypeaches.

Wednesday: 40 pages galley'ed (if I get these done Mon and Tues, maybe I can see Elin today... :D)
6:30 - dog training

Thurs:
Clean. Which REALLY NEEDS TO BE DONE. I say, on SUNDAY. It'll be yuck by Thurs. >.>
12-1:15: LEADs group
1:45-2:30: dog training
3-ish: Chelsea comes down!
Friday: Set aside for Chels and touristy things
Sat: Promo stuff all day online
6:00 - dog training

Sunday: life begins to slow. Ish.
1:30-4:30: lots of dog training
ashlan?

Monday:
At some point, 1:15 hours for dog training. Also, ashlan should be here. :D

After that my schedule returns to normal. Elin might still be here Tuesday, so I could go see her then, too. :D I'll call her and ask tomorrow, when I have a better idea how the editing is going. (I'd like to get that done sooner rather than later, so I can set it aside and have some leeway for things like printing flyers and handing out business cards.)

It's 6pm, and I still haven't finished my galleys for the day. Right. Back to work.

J

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 00:05:09 GMT

Cash is making me tired. At least, I'm pretty sure it's Cash, and not the fact that I've been running around like a maniac.

Washed the dogs today, did mini-training with a client, walked four dogs downtown for dog training, edited 75 pages, am working on another 30... and today is my slow day. >.>

Also, Dark is buying me plane tickets tomorrow! :D I will see her in a little over SIX WEEKS. Yipe. I really need to get my dog business growing.

To that end, I asked Glenna to print me more business cards, made up some dog flyers, discovered my printer isn't compatible with Vista, emailed Glenna to see if she'd print dog flyers for me, found some pet stores to go to tomorrow, mapped them, found more to hit on my way to Nezu's Tuesday, mapped those, and... no, wait, that's it.

Yup. I'm pretty sure I'm tired because Cash looks so sleepy.

J

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 16:28:20 GMT

I made an icon. It makes me laugh. I was going to caption it, but y'know? I think it speaks for itself. :DD

J

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 03:31:48 GMT

Trek fic sneak peek! Feel free to shower me with comments. >.> PG 13 for violence, but other than that it's gen.

The last thing he remembered was the bracers prying his jaws open. The feel of the creature's hard shell as it slithered past his teeth. Over his tongue. Delicate whiskers feathering over the back of his throat just before it forced its way down --

He twisted away, as if physical movement could destroy the memories. Shoved himself off the filthy little cot, a scream tearing out of his throat, hoarse and broken. Slammed himself into the wall and curled up into a fetal ball, trying to cover his head and wrap his arms around his legs at the same time.

Someone was speaking. Someone that wasn't him. He lifted trembling hands and clamped them over his ears, nails scratching against his head. Hands caught his arms, and he yelled before he realized they weren't gripping. They were gentle. Careful. Long, graceful fingers looped loosely around the large bones of his wrist.

Large bones. Scraped bones. Skin gone red and raw, as if they'd been pinned down. For a moment, a heartbeat, there was a flash of memory --

--yanking against manacles uselessly, fighting before they could lock down his other arm, knowing it was pointless because there were too many of them but unable to stop--

And then, blessedly, the memory was gone. The voice was still speaking. Low and firm, as if persistence alone could draw him back.

"--T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise. Do you remember that? Jim. Look at me."

His gaze slid up, caught on a lean jaw, and skittered off again. He yanked away, turning his head into the wall. "C-can't--"

"You're safe now. You're here. Do you remember your name? Captain James T. Kirk."

A question swam up from the murky depths. "What's the T stand for?"

When the pause went on too long, he turned slightly, looking at the man who held his wrists.

"Tiberius."

He laughed. It sounded a little bit hysterical. "That's a shitty name."

The man before him inclined his head in acknowledgment. "It is true that it doesn't fit with the human standards of typically accepted and encouraged names. At one time, I believe it was considered quite popular." The man watched him steadily for a long moment. "Do you remember your name?"

He spoke slowly, drawing the words from the back of his throat. "James T. Kirk. Captain."

"Good."

"You just told me." Something cold and hard gripped his stomach. He kept his gaze fixed on the pale face before him, finding comfort in the fact that this news didn't seem to be unexpected.

"The shirai they used to extract information often leaves temporary memory loss. It should come back over the next few days."

Kirk nodded slowly. "Should."

"If it died on time, and there was no severe cortical damage done."

This time when Kirk pulled a hand away, the man let him. He touched his throat, shuddering. Delicate whiskers feathering over the back of his throat just before it forced its way down --

And then it was gone. He thought he might vomit, and he wasn't sure why.

As if the impulse was scrawled across his expression, the man before him jumped up and hauled him to his feet, shoving him face-down into the corner.

Kirk heaved, guts roiling as stomach acid burned up his throat and seared his sinuses. He choked on vomit, felt it spatter off the concrete floor and hit his bare feet. Chunks came out with it, and he knew -- he knew -- he hadn't eaten recently.

When his body was done rejecting everything in his stomach, he saw it. Three inches long, with six legs and whisker-like appendages at the front--

He yelled and lurched back. Strong hands grabbed him, slowing his bolt, turning him so he couldn't see the insect-like body and pushing him down onto the cot.

He picked his feet up off the floor, scrabbling back into the corner again.

--writhing in the forceps as they brought it closer to his face, the woman with the pointed teeth asking him, 'Are you sure you don't want to simply tell us, Captain?'--

--legs on his tongue, a carapace against the soft palate of his mouth--

It was gone again, and he was curled in the corner, the heels of his hands pressed to his eyes. "Fuck!" he shouted, and resisted the urge to keep screaming.

"It's normal. I assume you're having memory bursts, but it's normal. A good sign--"

He grabbed a fistful of loose, filthy cloth, dragging the not-human closer. "Normal? This is normal? Is that supposed to be comforting? I don't even know your name! I don't know my name except that you told me! I don't know where the fuck I am--"

"Commander Spock."

"What?" he snarled.

"Commander Spock."

An ally. He knew it, the same way he knew his name really was James T. Kirk. He loosened his grip slowly, patting the material smooth with shaking hands. "And the rest?"

"We've been taken by a splinter sect of the Casari species, a humanoid race currently in negotiations with the Federation. I believe this is the same splinter sect they've been trying to find and secure. If my deductions are correct, then they are attempting to start a war." He paused for a long moment. "I assume you are comforting yourself through touch, but if not please be assured my shirt is as smooth as it is possible to achieve."

Kirk pulled his hands back. "Right. Yeah." He licked his lips -- dry, chapped -- and tried not to glance around the room. He could see it anyway.

It wasn't very large. Perhaps fifteen by fifteen. The walls were solid gray concrete, the door just as impervious. There was a hole in the floor that served as a toilet, and only one cot -- the one they were sitting on. It had a single thin blanket, which was as filthy as they were.

Their clothes were shapeless, light weight, pajama-looking things. He doubted they'd been given a choice in the matter.

He found himself petting Spock again, smoothing out the sleeve material. Somehow, even lacking a memory wasn't so bad if he didn't think about it. Spock had been through major shit with him before. He didn't know how he knew that, but he did. "How long have we been here?"

"Five days, if they've synchronized the lights with the solar cycle. Which I doubt, so probably longer."

"You doubt it?" Easier to talk, to ask questions, than to think. To remember.

"A very basic method of wearing a person down is sleep deprivation. In addition, the temperature changes don't seem to match the light levels."

"Oh." He kept petting. "Tell me -- again -- why we're here? What happened?"

*************that is all you get. MWAHAHAHAHAH.****************</cut>

*cackles*

J

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 03:27:19 GMT

Okay. Responded to some (but not all) the responses to my gay post, and I'm now debating soaking in the tub vs. writing Trek fic. I don't really have time for both, though I suspect waffling between the two will take up all my available time anyway. This is my plan: get fireinflight, as my resident science-y person, and mytvlcro, as my resident computer person, to build me a water-proof computer. Ohyes. Then I can do both. Go, my minions!

Had three dog training sessions today. The first was ongoing work with a German Shepherd and his really nice owners (the dog's problem is that they're too nice, and he walks all over them). I brought Cash and Lily, because he's plateaued and I was hoping that showing them attention for doing things right would create some jealousy, as well as model correct behavior and get him thinking. IT TOTALLY WORKED. We also went driving in the car, because the shepherd SPAZZES OUT and we were hoping, again, for some modelling and calming influence from Lily.

I wasn't so sure about Cash. Sometimes he'd rather spaz out, too, if another dog is spazzing.

But Cash turned out to be the hero! Lily curls up so small that the shepherd could ignore her and continue to spaz, but Cash takes up so much room there was no ignoring him. ANd he just laid down and chilled out, and the other dog CALMED DOWN. And then, there was one point where the other dog started to get excited and whine, and Cash just sat up, licked him, and laid back down. And the shepherd calmed! I was so proud of my dogs. :DDD And the people were ecstatic. We'll see how it holds.

The second appointment was also an ongoing, with a small dog -- one of TWELVE -- who's attacking people. They'd had a set back, so that started on a downer. Then I come to find out that after all these weeks, the husband isn't willing to work with the dog. In fact, when I was like, "Come do this," he had this huge flinch back ... which is why she's not getting better faster, and why the set backs. If only one adult is in control, it makes things hard. When the other adult isn't honest with me about what he will and won't do, I can't give them things to do that will work. So he keeps going on about how they've been doing this for weeks and it's not working, and at the same time how he's not doing it and not willing... AGH.

So, I left feeling like a failure, even though we finally got everything sorted and we might have a workable solution. JEEZ.

The third one was with my biggest client, and it was AWESOME. The grin on her face as she was able to walk down a BUSY street with her dogs, behaving awesomely, by her side was just soul-food for me. Especially since she'd been feeling disheartened herself, just a few days ago. YAY!

Now I'm home, and so freakin' sore. Hence the bath. But I haven't been sleeping because of the Trek fic ideas, hence the writing. And I haven't eaten anything but 2 eggo waffles, a bottle of Ensure, and some ice cream all day. And getting up or making a decision seems beyond me. :P And tomorrow I'm washing my dogs, walking Glenna's, and then trying to read 100 pages for galleys... and I really really need to find a way to bump up my dog clients.

You know what I'll do? I'll post the first scene of my Trek fic. It's evil. Mwahahaha.

J

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 01:44:23 GMT

Dear f'list:

Re: last post

You guys ROCK, and I really appreciate that -- as of this writing, let's not make me liar now -- even when some heavily charged things and concepts were brought in, it remained a conversation rather than an argument. I'm so proud of you. I could cry. ;-D

I'll be responding to some, but probably not all comments. Especially as some of the conversations didn't have to do with me anymore, and you're all adults. ;-D

J

Question for my f'list

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 15:42:36 GMT

Okay, so I was talking to a friend last night, and we were talking about slash. Specifically, we were talking about taking a character that had shown no gay proclivities at all, and slashing them. And I was saying that I had a hard time doing that; that I needed some reason, even if it's just "they're repressing like mad -- I mean, I could totally see them being gay," or "Well, they're not gay, they're bi," or "Okay, so really they're mostly straight and had just never thought about it much before." (Some characters are just not slashable, imo. Booth, from Bones? Not slashable. Robin-Tim? He might experiment, but ultimately he's straight.)

Anyway, I'm tangenting. So my friend asked, "If you can turn straight characters gay, is it also okay to make gay characters straight?" And my instant reaction was, "No, even though it's hypocritical." And then she asked why.

Now, here's the thing. I can look at my own emotional reaction, and I can figure out that it has to do with the fact that there's a threat there: society really would like to turn gay people straight. I know further that because society is biased against homosexuality is also why it's not okay. I can even come up with parallels in race or gender, instead of sexual orientation. And I know it gives me the same feeling that the following statement gives me:

If a group of women are talking about the horrors of rape, and someone steps in and says, 'but men get raped, too,' that's wrong, even though men do get raped and that should also be addressed.

In both statements -- the gay one and the rape one -- I get turned around, because both are true. If you're going to write or talk about one thing, you should write or talk about the opposite. And yet both leave me going, "...no. I'm not sure why, but no."

I know that in both cases, the intruding factor (men/rape and gay to straight) are the powerful, socially accepted bits of society, and I know that has something to do with it. And because someone once explained the women/rape thing to me (though I've forgotten most of it. :() I know that it has to do with a power imbalance and being told, "You are not allowed to empower yourselves here." But then I think, "That can't possibly apply to fiction, because there's LOTS of fiction in the world and we can read something else. Telling someone they can't write something is just ridiculous." (And yet, we tell people they can't write in racism, so... And personally, I do think authors ought to take responsibility for what they write, and not write things like being a stalker is okay if it's true love. *coughs*)

And if I don't understand it, I'm likely to make the same mistake elsewhere. Also, then I can't explain it to someone else. Luckily for me, while I was mulling this over last night, I remembered that I have a f'list that's really smart and more knowledgeable about me when it comes to stuff like -isms. :D

So-- help?

J

Reposted!

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 23:29:02 GMT

From nute, who rocks my socks.

http://www.zooborns.com/zooborns/2009/07/a-bowl-full-of-penguin.html#comments

Regarding a baby penguin born at the San Diego Zoo:

“They had laid fertile eggs in the past, but had never been successful in rearing their
young,” says Sheri Horiszny, Director of Animal Programs. “As a result, we researched the
histories of all of our penguins to find one with parenting success. We have a male that had
successfully fostered eggs before, and we placed the egg with him and his partner, also a male.
The foster pair were dedicated incubators, and now are feeding the chick well.”

Support Gay Penguin Adoption.

*FALLS OVER WITH GLEE*

J

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 01:05:27 GMT

Craaazy week.

Last night I emailed Torquere Press to ask if they were going to have a table at Yaoi*Con this year, and could I drop off bookmarks or something? They emailed back to suggest I do a book signing. I laughingly pointed out that my books are all in ebook. They laughingly said my books would be in print.

I said, "Wait, what?"

Ohyeah. They're planning on them coming out in print the same day In The Rough releases -- Aug 12. HOLY SHIT.

So now I have two more books to give a once-over before mid next week. THIS IS SO COOL. Also, insane. I basically have 600 pages to read over 5 days, and I'm not a speed reader. >.< I can't even fade in and out -- which is how I normally read -- but have to pay attention to the words I'm seeing, or I can't catch typos. ACK. But! Two of my books will be in print soon. :DD

I haven't decided yet if I"m going to the gym or not tonight. Points against:

1. OMG tired.
2. PMSy, and so have cramps.
3. Life is about to be insane, and I'd rather stay home and be mellow.
4. I could do half of it here.
5. Don't wanna.

Points for:

1. If I just do the weight stuff, it'll only take me 20 minutes even with driving.
2. It'll make me feel good about myself, because I went even when life is not conducive to going.
3. I can skip the ones that might make me more crampy.
4. Despite #3, I usually feel less crampy afterward.
5. If I don't go for a class, just go for weights, I can still come home and be mellow.
6. It'll remind me that it really is possible to keep up the gym even when I'm busy.
7. If I am reminded, and then continue to go over the weekend and next week when life's extra insane (as opposed to today when it's only mildly insane), I'll feel better overall and have more stamina to get through the craziness.

...Points for are slightly in favor. >.> Okay, here's my plan.

1. eat.
2. Go to the gym briefly.
3. Come home, have a glass of wine, be proud of myself, and work on Trek fic.
4. Go to bed early.

Woot! Wish me luck. :D

J

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 07:02:31 GMT

Alas, alas, the Star Trek fic of DOOM has gotten OUT OF CONTROL. I'm at 7,300 words and if I'm VERY optimistic it might be half done.

Who am I kidding? It's so not half done. Maybe a quarter.

DAMN YOU, PLOTBUNNIES.

Also, there has been Kirk/Spock separation. But never fear! I'm sure it's temporary. Kind of unexpected, too, because I'd firmly told myself I wasn't doing that, wrote the bits that would head it down the other path, and next thing I know separation had completed, Houston, and we had a problem. Namely, my fic just got longer and a lot more complex.

Um.

Also, though it started out with Kirk torture (which will continue), there is also about to be Spock torture (which will be briefer, I think).

OTOH, I got 97 pages of my galley edits done today and the edits on Hero In Me finished, so I'm allowed to be writing fic. OTotherOH, I've forgotten how much FUN fic writing is. Writing one-shots in FL isn't as fun. It's enjoyable, or I wouldn't do it, but mostly it's to tie up plotlines, and I basically don't expect feedback. But writing Star Trek fic? SO MUCH FUN. Even though I'm still doing it alone. Huh. But it's definitely a different feeling, and I can write fic alone when I'm not up to chatting and being social, so that's nice.

Alsoalsoalso (or, if you prefer, OTOOOH), this is supposed to be Kirk/Spock eventually, and ohlord I'm nowhere near that yet. Um. Methinks it might be one of those stories where the slash is totally the subplot to the mind-funkiness and escape. But I could be wrong. >.>

J

RIP, eyebrows

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 22:39:48 GMT

I got a phone call today that my phone insisted was from Bermuda. Luckily, I recognized the country code and picked it up, and my girlfriend's lovely voice (a little slow with that sexy, happy tone to it, with that gorgeous accent, and lower than mine... Mmm...) said, "Hello, gorgeous."

:DDDD

So I talked to Dark, and she seems so happy lately. And she'll have internet back tomorrow, and WOOT I got to talk to her TWICE in ONE WEEK. :D

In other news, with all the stress lately and the fact that checking galleys for typos leaves my hands mostly free as I read, I've just about decimated my eyebrows. Poor eyebrows. *pets them* It's really weird to think, "I'm plucking my eyebrows. STOP." and be unable to take my hands away. Compulsion, I know, but... No wonder my dad had a hard time not drinking, if this is the way it was. :P

Maybe I'll go put tape on them. >.>

Now... I think I'll take a break, then go back to galleys. Editing is going MUCH faster than I thought, so I have breathing room again. WOOT!

J

PS my happy Dark icon! For she makes me smile. :D */mush*

PPS Hey, ashlan, didn't you give me Supernatural season 1? Or was it 2?
PPPS Did I loan season 1 to anyone out there? I can't find it ANYWHERE. :(((

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 01:57:10 GMT

Good news!

Both the short story, Hero In Me, and In The Rough had easy edits, so those are done with. Phew.

Now I'm going to go watch Bagger Vance and mellow out.

J

Can someone please shoot me?

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 23:32:41 GMT

Hell of a day yesterday. And I don't mean that in the good way. The short of it is that I downloaded dropbox, it and my computer got drunk and had a party, made all sorts of little baby files, and deleted my documents folder. mtyvlcro possessed my computer from afar, spent 3 hours trying to fix everything, gave me a shopping list, I went and got what we needed, we spent another 2 hours trying to fix things, then another 1+ some while one program did its thing, spent another thirty minutes trying one last thing, and at the end of it all, my documents were still gone.

Luckily I'd already had my anxiety attack earlier in the day, so I was good.

Also, I missed the full moon yoga. :(

Today I was woken by my biggest client on the phone, who has said things like, "I want you to keep walking my dogs after they're trained" and "you're not going to leave me when you get busy, right?" Only today she was saying that she wanted to take her (dog aggressive) dog to the dog park and this shouldn't take so long and she'd spent all this money and yadda yadda yadda. That was not such a great way to wake up.

So I went to yoga class this morning, came home and got dressed so that when I saw Glenna today I looked respectable and trustworthy, talked her down from her frustration (turns out her dogs were being monsters this morning, is most of the problem) and got the short story edited which is due at the end of this week. YAY.

I'm a week behind in work, but luckily most of the stuff in my docs folder was backed up. I lost last week's worth of Second Hope editing, but it's not due until the 20th, THANK GOD. I lost a bunch of paperwork for the dog business, but Glenna has copies so I'll get those back. The thing I was most worried about losing I have backed up. Again with the THANK GOD.

To get my Vaio wiped and reformatted will cost me $200. To buy a netbook will cost $250. Guess what I'm most likely to do. >.> I did delete a ton of stuff today, and it is running fast, though. Yay.

Okay. To borrow a page from Indigo...

5 good things!

1. I went to yoga today! I did well, too, and for a little while afterward my back didn't even hurt. I remembered not to push myself, and not to compare myself to everyone else in the class, and yay me.

2. Nezu came over last night, and we watched What Women Want and talked about my last post and her response, and where we did and didn't agree. Actually, we agree with each other and totally re-worded her response so we agreed with it, too. *amused* Only, um, just in our heads. Not on LJ. >.>

3. My short story Hero In Me, will be available on the 18th! Yay!

4. There aren't any major edits on the short story or In The Rough, just minor ones. I might be able to get everything done despite the computer snafus.

5. Umm... possible new netbook in the offing?

In the next few months, I have these extra bills:
$1000+ car bills
$250 or so - computer stuff
$800 last years taxes. (Note to self: you need to get going on setting aside money for this year's taxes.)
$450 saved so I can go to England and still pay my bills.

I have about two months. Last month I thought I was going to be able to pull no money from savings to pay my bills, but at the last minute three clients canceled and pushed training back, so I ended up pulling $400 from savings. OUCH. So as of now I have yet to make it through a month without pulling money, much less setting any aside.

*cries*

I'm going to go back to editing, now. If you guys don't see me around, it's because I'm trying to make deadlines. :P

J

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 20:38:24 GMT

I haven't been posting on One Day My Soul Just Opened Up by Iyanla Vanzant, because frankly, it's all I can do just to read it. And really, I've been re-reading parts I'd already read, because I couldn't focus on learning something new. But this morning I didn't even wake until 11:30, and the weepiness that's been haunting me the last little while was gone -- and this week I'm not busy with dog training, so I have some extra time to think.

Anyway, I opened the book and read the next bit. We're in Phase Two now, "Honoring yourself by honoring others." I thought, "Well, duh." But then I read it, and I saw myself there. Iyanla told the story of her brother. At 45, he'd been drinking and drugging for years and years, and was now facing criminal drug charges. Hard to honor that. *wry smile*

But despite that, she wrote, and I want to remember:
(Quoted from Lessons in Truth by Emilie Cady)
One of the hardest thing we may ever be called to do in life is watch a loved one fall. We want to help them. We want to save them. In doing so, we take away their power and cut off their blessings. What we must do at all times is remember that the God that is loving and helping us is the same God who will help our loved ones when we stay out of the way.

And from Vanzant:
God knows what he [her brother] needs, and the minute he opens himself to receive it, he will. Your job is to pray for his opening and watch for the signs, even the smallest signs that the opening has taken place, the healing is beginning. Honor him enough to know the truth about him. The truth is, God is in the midst of him doing a mighty work.
...
People learn what they need to learn the way they choose to learn it, and there is nothing we can do about their choice. The truth is, God hears every prayer. Mine for him. His for himself. It's a good thing that his prayers take precedence over mine. God is wise enough to honor people and their choices, no matter what the choice appears to be.

There's a lot more, but that pretty much sums it up. I have a horrible tendency to try and 'fix' people. You know the feeling -- I can see what's wrong, why can't you? And the funny thing is, when people try to 'fix' me I use exactly this language. "Give me the respect and power to do for myself as I see fit, whether or not you agree." Applying it to others is much harder, though. *wry smile* The worst, for me, is the people I can't even touch. Since Prop 8 and doing research on the Mormon and Catholic churches, I can't stop thinking about how extremely painful it would be to be gay in the Mormon church. Most other conservative religions have some argument going on (including the Catholic church), but the gay-okay contingent in LDS is very small. The official stance is to not only deny that part of yourself, but actively hide it. Lie. To yourself and others. If you can, get married to the opposite sex anyway.

I don't know why this bothers me so much. Or rather, I do, and it's not something I can do anything about. There's a lot of things I disagree with about the Mormon church, and yet, some of the basic fundamentals are something I want so badly -- the emphasis on family, on working things out, on working together, on accepting each other, on supporting each other and those in your community, on helping each other and having a community. And they're actually done more successfully than anywhere else I've seen. And no, not everyone wants that, and it doesn't always work. I have a Mormon friend who says she wishes they'd stop meddling in her life. *laughs* It's not for everyone. But it is certainly what I want.

I've always felt outcast. I wasn't part of the 'cool' group, because inwardly I was a geek. I was outside the geek group, because I was attractive. They didn't dislike me, but while people stood around complaining about those attractive people who looked down on them, I stood on the outskirts of those conversations and internalized all the horrible things 'those attractive people' did. I was told by society in general that I wasn't allowed to complain, no matter how I felt. (I very nearly became anorexic at one point, and looking back I think it was because then I could vent my own anger and pain, and people wouldn't yell at me for it.) I felt outside of my own family. I was the one that wasn't musical, didn't learn quickly and easily, did act more like my dad -- who was frequently bashed by my mom -- and liked the outdoors. (Looking back, I can see I had a lot more things in common with them than different than them -- but that didn't matter at the time.) I moved countries when people told me I was crazy -- again, outside the norm. Heck, that's happened a few times, now. >.> I have never had a 'normal' job and haven't had a 'normal' spirituality for years. I'm dating a woman. *wry smile* I'm one of the youngest authors in my author-groups, which keeps weirding me out.

As I've gotten older, I've healed a lot of this. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not like other people, that in fact what we see as 'normal' is something that probably no one feels. That I'm not alone in my Otherness, and if I think my life is Other even compared to other folks, it's an Other that I consciously choose and enjoy.

But. I would love that family community. I am actively searching for it, in my church-hopping. And I know how it feels to be so outcast, to lie about who you are and what you feel -- I did that to myself, my family, my friends, society in general, presenting the mask of who I thought they wanted to see. So when I see something like the LDS church, which has what I want (even if I couldn't really be part of it due to differences in belief. >.>), and I see the people in it who are in my position being told they're wrong, not good enough, so badly messed up that they should hide what and who they are... I know how I would feel in that place, to have what I want, to be threatened with, "If you don't do as we say, we will cast you out from this haven of family," and have to lie about myself. To see everyone else being told, "We love and cherish you," and to be part of that, and yet not part of that because I'm being told, "We love and cherish you, as long as you don't tell us who and what you really are." I don't see happiness there. I don't see a way to resolve that, because leaving is just as painful as staying.

That is not my fight. But I keep picking it up, on behalf of the people in it. I think about those people, and I hurt for them. I want to say to the LDS church, "Do you have any idea what you're doing?" And I want to say to the 10% of people in the LDS church who are gay, "You don't have to do this." But -- and here's the thing -- it's not my fight. I cannot choose for them what would make them happy. They are learning their spiritual lessons as they need to. My job is to honor the Divine in them and what they are choosing, both the gay people being hurt and the majority of the unaware people doing the hurting (and in turn, let's be honest, being hurt. When one group of people is being told they're not good enough, everyone suffers.) -- but it's not my job to shake everyone and force them to make me more comfortable.

Weirdly, I do better when I have friends I can put names and faces to that I want to "help." I can remind myself that it's all their own choice, even if sometimes I suck at that.

Now I need to learn how to remind myself that everyone I don't know but feel for are learning their own lessons, too, whatever they might be, and I need to honor that, as well. I mean, not only is it not my fight, but me looking at the Mormon community and wanting change is rather like me looking at Ireland and saying, "You people need to stop fighting about religion." Worse, because I have an obvious bias. But I want what the LDS community offers, and I can too easily empathize with the gays in that community because I have felt that my whole life, on a lesser scale. If I were in that position, I would be a wreck. :P

The thing I have to remember is -- I'm not in that position. I don't have to take on their pain. In fact, by doing so, by trying to convince the people around me, by trying to shake them up and 'fix' them (in my human, flawed, biased, limited vision of how the 'fixing' needs to be done), I'm not allowing them to grow, learn, and deal with it themselves.

"Um. Are you saying we shouldn't help?" I hear you cry.

No. Imagine for a moment that I keep not being able to pay my bills. The first time it happens, my mom kindly bails me out. That's a kindness. The second time it happens, she does so again. If it ended there -- great. The tenth time it happened... should she keep bailing me out? I'm not going to learn how to budget my money if someone keeps 'saving' me. In fact, because she's 'saving' me, she's hindering my ability to learn and grow.

If someone asks for help, that's different. Of if it were affecting me directly (if, say, any church decided to try and influence what laws were being passed... >.>), then that's different. But no one has asked, and this isn't affecting me. Or at least, it's only affecting me because I let it. But I can choose to not let it, too. I can say, "This is the path they've chosen to learn what they need to learn. I'm going to honor their choice and know that God is with them, too."

I can fight for things that do affect me, for people who are asking for help -- like helping to fight against racism, sexism, and various other -isms. ;) But, heck, I don't even believe an outsider should try to change a religion. If that needs to happen, that choice should be made by those people in the religion -- not me.

Right. Now I'm gonna go work on that. >.>

J

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 03:21:50 GMT

OH YEAH ALSO, I need Star Trek fic recs, guys. Any rating, any characters that include Kirk, Spock, or Bones, any genre. I've already gone through all the ones alestar and grey_sterling have posted. It's TRAGIC. Help a fellow geek.

J

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 02:47:49 GMT

Went to a new church today! They believe pretty much everything I do. I'm still comparing it to Agape, which isn't at all fair. You put several thousand people in a room all feeling celebratory and it's infectious, like 100 people can never be. I'll probably go back to this one. I think I heard what I needed to, even if it isn't massively huge. (I really liked massively huge, even if I never realized it until now. It made everything more emotional than intellectual for me, which is kind of what I need.) But this new church has a 'young adult' group, which they laughingly told me used to be for people 20-30, and is now 20-50, because people keep outgrowing it. ;-D They meet up twice a month for... I forget, after church, and once an additional month for movie night. There were a lot of people really involved in activities around and whatnot, so that was very cool. It's an active church, even if it's small.

Then I talked to darksideofstorm on the phone, which was BRILLIANT and I felt all warm'n'fuzzy. She seems like she's doing well, and really enjoys her new job. I got her address to send her her present, and it felt all normal to talk to her on the phone, even though we so rarely do. *laughs* In Sept I get to go see her for 2 weeks, so that'll be BRILLIANT. This is the longest we've gone without seeing each other since we met. :P

Then I took the dogs to downtown San Jose, but it was dead. :P We sat around for a while, then I hit the grocery store and got a gazillion pounds of meat. My bleh mood is back from yesterday. I think it may be PMS. I'm definitely weepy. :P Also, brain dead. Which is frustrating, because I had really good days Thurs and Fri...

ah, well. Maybe I'll go watch movies.

J

Happy 4th of July!

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 06:55:50 GMT

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 00:07:39 GMT

I have comments to respond to! But probably not today. *is dying*

But, enjoy:

Manhattan Synagogue makes $10k off Westboro Baptist Church protest

The short of it: When they got word that the Westboro Baptists were going to picket their gay-friendly Synagogue, the Synagogue's leaders asked supporters to pledge $1 or more for every minute the protest lasted. When it was over, they'd made $10,000. Dude.

I think I love this synagogue. :D

J

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 00:56:57 GMT

I've created a dog training blog and written a lengthy post on collars, types and my opinions on them. ;) The color scheme will at least flatter, if not match, my soon-to-be-new website, but go take a look and tell me what you think? Opinions, etc? And then feel free to pimp it. ;)

http://jennamcdonaldsfeathersandfur.blogspot.com/

J

JBMcDragon@gmail.com — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 23:06:46 GMT

I have stalled on the Trek fic. I have two ideas for it, and I cannot decide which I want to do more.

1. Separate Kirk and Spock?
2. Don't?

Both have pros and cons. *debates*

J