Today is your lucky day!

...or you were really bad. One or the other.

Title: The Great Bathroom Mirror Escapades, Vol 6: OMG! Gettin' Some!
Status: Complete, in the process of posting. Slowly.
Rating: Eh, R, to be on the safe side, for language and implied sex.
Characters: Primarily Raidou, Genma, and Hayate.
Genre: Humor, citrus.

Summary: Next in MessyPeaches and JBMcDragon's crack-over series, combining The Kakashi Mission world, the Side Effects world, and now the Broken Ninja world! (But be happy. We only use a minor character from there, so you don't have to read it.)

Hayate is dead in every dimension. ...Well. Almost. (Links to previous volumes and the pertinent stories are in chapter 1.)

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3



Chapter Four: Gettin' a Life

Two months later . . .

"You should get a hobby."

"I thought I had one," Hayate smirked. "Mostly, it's cheap and I just need to buy lube . . ." Not that they had sex nearly as often as he wanted, but after the first time--the reward for making ANBU--it *had* continued.

"That's not a hobby, that's a passion," Raidou laughed.

Hayate shrugged. Then he thought about it. "I guess I have been bored lately . . . I mean, when you guys aren't around . . ." They'd completely spoiled jerking off for him. That just didn't entertain like it used to, now that he knew what the real thing was like. "What sort of hobby?"

"Whatever you like. You take missions, so . . . you need something you can put down for a week at a time. But, I dunno. Breed fish."

Fish were boring.

Gai suggested he challenge himself, "In new and interesting ways!" Hayate cracked up at the dirtiness of it, and Gai didn't get that--he hoped--then Hayate decided that wasn't a hobby at all. He didn't bother trying.

"Photography," Iruka suggested, and even loaned him a camera.

Hayate discovered the joys of voyeurism, but decided spying on people was too much like missions. Besides, after going through Iruka's old voyeur files, he figured he would always be an amateur--and Raidou was *really* good at photography. (Though posing the first time had been really, *reeeeaaally* awkward. But had ended in great sex.)

(Genma said the pictures were adorable, him looking cute and awkward and self-conscious. It didn't make him feel any older or more manly, the bastard.)

Amiri suggested pottery. He thought that was too girly. He was too smart to say that to her, though.

Ibiki suggested Calvinball, but that was way too painful. He preferred sex and A-ranked missions. At least then when he got pegged with a fifteen pound projectile, he'd probably get paid for it.

. . . In the missions. He didn't get pegged with fifteen pound projectiles during sex. And if he did, he didn't mind.

Kakashi suggested collecting something. It didn't matter what. Personally, Kakashi collected books. Hayate tried a few things, but there wasn't anything he found interesting enough to care that much about. Well, swords. But he could pick those up on missions, and other than training with them, and basic maintenance, there wasn't much else to do.

Fishing was boring. He lasted about ten minutes before throwing exploding tags into the water. (Tsunade hadn't appreciated that.)

His attention span kept him from water colors, calligraphy, or any of the other arts.

Origami was interesting until he successfully mastered how to make tiny paper genitalia. And not-so-tiny paper genitalia.

He learned enough cooking to be helpful to Raidou in the kitchen, then burned a few dishes to make sure he wouldn't be asked. He didn't enjoy that particularly, either.

He killed a few bonsai trees, and decided that wasn't for him.

He spent ALL his savings on saltwater fish and they died the first time he forgot to put the put the salt in the water. That kind of turned him off fish, though he tried freshwater anyway, since he had all the tanks. The guppies bred so much the tank practically overflowed, and when he forgot to feed them they ate each other.

Any animal that went cannibalistic was just too disturbing.

He learned how to knit. He made himself a fabulous hat. Genma called it 'cute.' That was the end of the knitting.

Same with crocheting.

He tried collecting bugs, but too many of the bugs he collected ate flesh.

He started growing orchids, but, while it was really kinda interesting, manly ninja ANBU didn't grow flowers.

Until Raidou said it was neat. Then it became perfectly acceptable. They let him build a little greenhouse in the back, and the orchids didn't die or eat each other when he left.

They were pretty cool.

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