Notes and whatnot in the last post.

The Great Bathroom Mirror Escapades Vol 6:
OMG! Gettin' Some!
By JBMcGroinWarrior and MessyGroinWarriorPeaches

Chapter 1


Chapter Two: Gettin' In Trouble

"--and then he *vanished!*" Iruka finished, nearly beside himself with panic.

"All right, okay, calm *down*," Raidou said, examining the mirror. He couldn't *see* any chakra patterns that might indicate a jutsu, and when he and Genma took it off the wall there was simply a normal white wall behind it.

It had to be something else. He started examining the bathroom.

"This is all my fault." Iruka dropped his head into his hands. "He was all excited about something and I couldn’t figure out what, and now--"

Raidou gestured to Genma and Genma, thank the gods, took Iruka by the arm and led the little bundle of anxiety out of the bathroom. Raidou kept exploring.

**

"Iruka, what exactly is your plan?" Kakashi asked, watching Iruka viciously tape things to his mirror.

"Look, I know from experience that just telling Hayate what's going to happen doesn't change a thing," Iruka said, ripping off tape with his teeth and slapping up another newspaper clipping. "So, we are skipping from the talking and going to the action now."

"You're not, uh, seeing this as some sort of odd opportunity to fix how badly you fucked up your relationship with this world's Hayate, are you?" Kakashi asked, just to clarify.

"No, this is NOT that Hayate," Iruka said. "Trust me. You've been avoiding him, but this is not that Hayate. This is a Hayate that I've decided I don't really want to hear about dying." He'd heard about enough Hayates dying.

"Uh huh. You're certain about that? Because you've got a certain, um, martyr complex going on this week, and uh--"

"So you're saying that if we found a dimension where your teammate was still alive, you wouldn't try to fuck up that timeline?" Iruka snapped.

"To be fair, I never slept with my teammate and you wouldn't have a reason to be jealous," Kakashi pointed out, nearly monotone.

"So you admit you're jealous," Iruka said triumphantly.

"Yes."

"Well, it's mis-founded. I like my men older than me."

"Well, thanks, I feel better now," Kakashi said blandly. "And what are you doing right now, again?"

"I'm going to talk that world's Iruka into letting me keep Hayate. Letting *us* keep him," he corrected.

"Yeah, I can see why I'd have no reason to be jealous," Kakashi said dryly, with just a hint of sarcasm. He knew, logically, he had no reason to be jealous. And he was only a little jealous. But he still thought he should protest this.

Plus they hadn't had a really good fight with fabulous make-up sex in like, six months.

**

Iruka moped around the apartment after Raidou and Genma had left, going to check out--hells, he didn't know what they were going to check out, only that Raidou had looked disturbed, which never was a good thing.

He wandered back into the bathroom, hoping that maybe Hayate had *re*appeared, and instead saw bits of paper smashed against the mirror. He reached up, but it was behind the glass, and--

They were about Hayate. He started to read, getting sicker by the moment. Hayate--dead? There were medical files, too, about Hayate getting hit by a jutsu that decayed his lung tissue. According to the records, his lungs were permanently damaged. Further records showed a constant battle with lung problems--everything seemed to make it worse.

And there, on cream-colored paper, lay a death record. He stared at it for a long while before really *seeing* the date.

It hadn't happened yet. He breathed again, painfully. It hadn't happened.

"Raidou!" he bellowed, and went tearing back out of the apartment.

**

Hayate wasn't sure how he ended up staying at Raidou and Genma's place, but he wasn't going to complain. And he'd met their Hokage--a woman with the biggest jugs he'd ever seen, and he *really* didn't know what people saw in women because those just looked unappealing--but, anyway, she seemed nice enough, and believed what Iruka and Raidou and Genma had said about the mirror-world.

He'd overheard Genma say to Raidou at one point, "It's like finding Hayate's little brother," but had chosen to ignore that. They seemed to think it was a *good* thing, even if he did find it annoying.

The couch had been comfortable enough, and he woke to the smell of *food.* Lots and lots of food.

Hayate staggered into the kitchen and flopped down at the table. "Man, my Raidou cooks, too," he said, looking hopefully at the food.

"You know, that's not actually as constant as I thought it would be," Raidou said, dishing up a plate. "Some of them do, some of them don't. Some of the Genmas are more competent than others."

"I resent that," Genma muttered, taking a seat.

"You make leek soup," Raidou offered.

Hayate took the plate given to him, considered asking for more, didn't, and hoped there'd be enough for seconds. Hayate wolfed down his food, and there *was* enough for seconds, so he got some.

"Is everyone gay here?" he asked, eating a bit slower this time. "I mean, Iruka and--and Kakashi--" that was *weird*--"and you two . . ."

"No, not everyone," Raidou said. "And Genma's technically bi."

"Mine too," Hayate nodded.

"So's Iruka," Genma added.

Hayate perked up. "Maybe *my* Iruka's bi!" he chirped hopefully. "Was I gay?"

"You didn't 'fess up to it," Genma grumbled. "We didn't find out until six months ago that he'd slept with Iruka."

"He's just bitter because Hayate always told him no," Raidou explained.

"Well," Hayate said consolingly, "maybe he was just shy."

"Probably. Asshole."

"The fact that you always asked him in really public places didn't help, Genma," Raidou pointed out.

Hayate poked at his food. He would bang them anywhere they asked. Then he inhaled, and his plate was clean.

Raidou just took it and filled it back up.

Hayate dug in again. "Thish ish rilly goot," he said around a mouthful.

"Thank you."

He swallowed, then asked, "You think this Iruka has gotten a note to my Iruka yet? I really don't want him to worry." He hesitated, then added in a confidential tone, "He kinda stresses easily, sometimes."

"Yeah, well . . . when your friend disappears through your mirror what are you gonna do?" Raidou said. "You know the way to his apartment? If you wanted to go check now, you probably could. Just about everyone knows--they won't freak out when they see you." Much.

"Yeah," he said idly. "I'll do that." He grinned and finished the rest of his food, then put his plate in the sink. He hesitated. "You, uh, you cooked . . . I can clean up . . .?" he offered.

"Yes!" Genma said.

"You can wash the plates and utensils," Raidou said, "but stay away from my pans."

"Gladly," Hayate said, just happy that his dish load had been cut down. He did them as quickly as he could, then headed out with a final wave and wandered the village--it was surprisingly like his own--toward Iruka's apartment.

Everyone seemed older. He waved at a version of Anko, who just stared at him. He kept walking, but then she wandered up and he stopped, smiling uncertainly.

It was *weird.* She had been just a year older than him, and now she was . . . well, older. "Hi," he said, not at all sure what else to say. He couldn’t exactly ask how anything was, since this wasn't the girl he knew.

"Hi," she said back, smiling, half reaching out, then stopping herself. "Genma told me--" and then she stopped. "That you were, uh, staying with them."

Hayate laughed. "Yeah. They're really nice." And hot, but he didn't say that part. "This whole thing is kinda strange, huh?" He fought the inclination to pal with her like he would with his. She probably wouldn't appreciate him jumping onto her and demanding a piggy back ride, and while his could land him on his ass, he suspected this one could do a lot more than just that.

He valued his genitalia.

"You have no idea," Anko said, relaxing a little.

"Yeah, I'm dead and all," he said, rolling his eyes. "Now that's weird."

"Don't make so light of it. You were well-loved here."

He shuffled his feet. "Oh. Um. Sorry. Thanks." He wondered what exactly he was supposed to say to that.

"That's okay. Our Hayate was just as big an idiot as you at his age. I'm sorry, I mean--no, wait, I meant idiot."

Hayate slanted her a dirty look. "Listen, it's just a little freakish to be wandering around and have people keep telling me I'm *dead*, okay?"

"You're not dead, he's dead," Anko said. "Genma's right. It is like looking at his little brother."

"But I'm *not*!" Hayate snapped. "*Gods.*" He stopped, bit his lip, and sighed. "Sorry," he muttered.

"It's a good thing!" Anko said, patting him on the shoulder and then pulling her hand back like maybe she wasn't supposed to do that. "It's a good thing. It's easier for us to look at you if we think of you that way. As a relative. Not him. Besides, you don't want to try and fill his shoes anyway. At least not now. You're kind of dorky."

"I am not dorky!" he yelped.

Everyone on the street turned to look at him.

"Fuck off," he snapped to the world in general. Suddenly, he missed his Iruka.

"I mean that in a good way," she repeated. "A lot of Hayate's personality ended up defined by his injuries. It's hard to laugh when it starts you coughing."

Hayate toed a pebble. "Iruka said all the Hayates got like that," he mumbled after a minute.

Anko shrugged. "It's Iruka's mirror, he would know better than me."

"Well . . . but, it wasn't like, something that just *happened*, right? It was an injury or a jutsu or something?"

"Yeah, but you'd have to talk to Iruka about that. He said something about it being different in every world, and he was vaguely upset."

"Yeah, okay," Hayate said, depressed. "Well, look, I should get going. It was nice talking to you, though." He offered a smile and said automatically, "Tell your sister I said--" he stopped, shook his head, and laughed awkwardly. "Uh, nevermind."

She arched an eyebrow and offered, "If I had one, I would!"

He grinned and continued down the road, trying not to notice the stares or the one woman who looked at him before ducking back into a house and closing the door sharply. *Geez.*

He found Iruka's apartment without any further mishaps, and knocked on the door. Sadly, Kakashi answered it.

"Oh. Is Iruka here?" Hayate asked hopefully.

"Iruka's usually gone by six to teach his seven fifteen class," Kakashi said.

"Oh," Hayate said, crestfallen. He looked upward, sidelong. "So, you're, uh . . . roommates?"

Kakashi looked at him blandly. "You can tell yourself that if you like." Kakashi had been friends with Hayate. It was a little weird. And Hayate had even told Kakashi one or two stories about his long haired Chuunin lover. And then he'd learned it was Iruka, but by then Hayate was dead. It was easy to be graceful about it when the lover was dead.

This young Hayate sighed and smiled, an obvious peace-offering. "Well, you can't blame a guy for trying, right?"

"I could, but I'm choosing not to. Would you like to come in? There's a note on the mirror for you."

"Yeah, thanks," Hayate said, giving up entirely on trying to befriend the Jounin. There weren't really all that many people who disliked him, just people who didn't know him, and this was a little disconcerting. Oh well.

He wandered in and saw, happily, that there was a note taped to the inside of the mirror.

"Dear sirs," it read, "whatever you've done with Hayate, please know that the ninja of Konoha politely request you return him. Thank you, Konoha."

"Oh. Shit," Hayate said. "Um, can I like, talk to him?"

*As a matter of fact,* Kakashi thought, *I could shove your ass through the mirror and change channels and this whole thing would be over. But the make-up sex wouldn't be worth that fight.* "Let me get you some paper," Kakashi offered. "You stayed at Raidou's so I'll assume you've had breakfast. Would you like some coffee?"

"No, thanks," he said glumly. "I hope Iruka's okay . . ." He wandered back out of the bathroom and sat down at the kitchen table with paper and a pen. By the time he was done he had ink on his fingers, and he rubbed at it absently while watching Kakashi tape his note to the mirror.

"I'm sure he's fine," Kakashi offered. He gestured, shooing Hayate out of the bathroom ahead of him. "Let's not stand here and talk. It kind of creeps me out."

"He just became a teacher," Hayate said, wandering back into the living room with his hands in his pockets. "Neither of us had enough money for our own apartment, but we figured if we *shared* . . . Still, we're just roommates." He couldn't *quite* keep the remorse out of his voice. "He's got this *thing* . . . " he stopped and shrugged.

"Straight, huh?"

Hayate grinned slowly. "Well, *once,* we . . . But he was drunk, and he stopped drinking after that."

Kakashi half-laughed. "That's how we got together here."

Hayate perked up. "Really? So the drunk thing might work?" He hoped he hoped!

"Actually, he got really drunk and declared his undying love for my ass. We got together shortly thereafter. Though he kind of avoids drinking, now."

"Well, it is a good ass," Hayate snorted.

"Thank you for noticing," Kakashi said dryly.

Hayate just grinned. As if he wouldn't notice an ass that nice!

There was a knock at the door, and a muted voice said, "Come on! We have plans for tonight and we'd like to be done early!"

Hayate wandered until he could see who was there when Kakashi opened the door. Three teenagers, nearly his age. Two boys--a blond and an Uchiha--and a pink-haired girl. He ignored the girl and grinned at the boys when they glanced his way.

"Hayate?" the girl called.

He looked at her. "Sorry--do I know you guys? I mean, do you know me?"

"Our version of you was the referee at our first attempt at the Chuunin exams."

"Oh." He leaned against the wall. "But I was older, right?" he asked dryly.

Sakura nodded. "You look better like this."

He straightened a little, and puffed out his chest. "Think so?"

"Yes, you're much more attractive without the cough," Sakura said.

Naruto and Sasuke both started puffing up and looking mildly annoyed.

*Ohhhh, fuck, teenage peacocks,* Kakashi thought. Maybe they'd stop. Nope! Naruto was about to speak! *Let's snip that in the bud.* "Okay, kids!" he called, clapping with forced enthusiasm. "Let's go learn!" he herded them out the door, Hayate scooting out, too, and glanced back in time to see Hayate leaning around to check out Sasuke's ass.

"He's too taken for you," Kakashi said.

Hayate grinned and quirked an eyebrow. "With the blond? Or the girl?"

"Yes," said Kakashi.

The grin grew. "Even *better.*"

"And they're all kind of possessive."

"Damn it! People need to learn to share in this world!" He began to pout, then thought again. "You think I'll get pity sex for being dead here?" Now *there* was a thought.

Kakashi decided not to answer.

**

It was, at least, Hayate's handwriting. He wasn't sure it made much sense--alternate dimensions and a one-way portal. Hayate'd had breakfast cooked by Raidou, who was still a good cook and still with Genma--and there was a bunch of stuff scratched out. Iruka had struggled to read through the ink until he realized it was something about Raidou, naked. Then he'd stopped trying.

It said they were working on finding him a way home. And Hayate said that that world's Hayate had been sick and died, and that explained all the medical reports and everything. *He* was just fine.

Iruka breathed a sigh of relief and stared at the note for a bit more. He hoped everything worked out soon.

**

Hayate tagged along after Kakashi and the three teenagers, mostly so he could watch them get all hot and sweaty. He had hopes that the blond would lose the orange jacket at some point--and the blond did--and then he was just fighting in a black t-shirt, and that was MUCH more attractive.

"So, Hayate-san," Sakura called, "how about you spar with us?"

Even from that distance, and at his age, he knew enough about women to read, "Stop ogling the boys. I want to smash your skull in."

In fact, had he been able to read her mind, he would have discovered that Inner Sakura was saying almost exactly that.

Hayate just smiled. "That's all right. I'm on vacation." It seemed like truth enough.

"You can just say if you're intimidated," Naruto said. "She can be frightening."

Until that last bit, Hayate had been ready to leap up and announce they didn't intimidate HIM--he wasn't going to show weakness in front of other GUYS. But that was a whole different statement when the guys in question admitted to fear, too. "Yeah, you're right. Totally intimidated. I'd rather not end my vacation broken."

Sakura was slightly mollified. Then it was her turn to spar with Naruto.

Hayate eyed the crater they left warily. Afterwards, he decided maybe he had been more serious than he'd really thought.

**

"So, I'll make you a deal," the note said this time, when Iruka found it taped to his door a day later. "You, stop trying to get Hayate back, and I will give you all the tactical information you should need to keep Sandaime from dying four years from now."

Iruka glared at the note on the bathroom mirror. He wasn't going to trade his best friend!

. . . on the other hand, if Sandaime actually *did* die . . .

But--his best friend!

He decided to call Raidou over again.

Raidou, when he got over there, really wished Iruka *hadn't* called him. He rubbed his eyes and re-read the note several times. Iruka, of course, wanted his best friend back--and Raidou knew that their duty was, first, to the Hokage.

"I'll take care of it," he assured his little brother, and, knowing that Iruka would probably *never* forgive him, he contacted his squad leader and told him as much as he could about what was going on.

The first thing they did was to make Iruka leave the house. Then Sandaime went in and read the note himself, briefed quickly and efficiently by the ANBU.

He reached out to touch the mirror--and his fingers went through. The ANBU whose duty it was to protect the Hokage nearly had a fit, but the Sandaime brushed them off with annoyance.

"Well," he said thoughtfully. People who'd died could obviously go through. Hayate, himself. He touched the mirror again, put his whole hand through, then ordered his ANBU to try.

One was able to get through.

"Good," Sandaime said, picking up his robes and climbing onto the sink. "Come with me."

*******************