JBMcDragon (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} jbmcdragon) wrote,@ 2006-10-16 17:59:00 |
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Title: The Great Bathroom Mirror Escapades, Vol. 3
In Which Raidou Gets A Talking-To About His Sexuality, and Genma is Quite Put Out
Authors: MessyPeaches and JBMcDragon
Status: Complete, much to be posted.
Rating: Er. There's one chapter that's like, hard R/soft NC-17. R overall for language.
Summary: Following in the footsteps of Volume 1 and Volume 2, shit happens. Momo and JB laugh.
Volume 3, Chapter 1
Vol 3, Chapter 2
Vol 3, Chapter 3
Vol 3, Chapter 4
Vol 3, Chapter 5
Vol 3, Chapter 6
Vol 3, Chapter 7
JB and Momo
Chapter Eight
"I don't know how he's doing it, but somehow he's been stealing our toothbrushes and replacing them with clean ones," Iruka said to Amiri, standing in the bathroom and looking at the mirror. "He doesn't do it while we're watching because he doesn't want us to get into his place, but still."
"Spooky," she agreed. "Huh. There's nothing on the counter in there, ever. Right?"
"Yeah. I talk to that Iruka every now and then," Iruka agreed. "His Kakashi's obsessive to the max. I'm surprised he's not being medicated for it." He tapped the mirror. "And sometimes it goes back to a regular mirror. I think it's when that Kakashi's channel surfing. But it always returns to this, by the next day." Even when they'd left it on, say, the naked Tsunade channel for the night.
"I thought you said he's got curtains."
"He did, for a while," Iruka said, slowly. "But now they're gone. I don't know what happened. The other Iruka won't say."
"Huh." She sat on the sink and leaned forward. "Does he even have a trash can in there? Toilet paper?" Her forehead hit the mirror, and with an odd ripple she was suddenly halfway through, to the waist. "Ack!" She yelped, and it echoed in the too clean bathroom.
Iruka automatically put a hand out, both to try to stabilize her and to go through himself. His fingers jammed against the glass. "Fuck!"
She twisted to look at him and gave a half-shrug. "I don't know what I did." She looked around. "His trash can's empty. And he's done that thing where you fold the last sheet of toilet paper? You should tell that Iruka there really are pills for this kind of--" She stopped. And started to shove herself back through.
It seemed harder to get back through than it had to go through in the first place, but she was trying as fast as she could. A funny feeling up her spine and--
The door smashed open. Three men in ANBU masks bolted in just as she managed to get her head back.
Her hair was suspended halfway through the glass, falling slowly as if through molasses.
The first ANBU grabbed the black locks and yanked, as if he could pull her right back into the bathroom. It was probably only the fact that Iruka had put his arms around her waist and started pulling that kept her from toppling through.
The ninja hesitated, then with a swift motion tied a seal to her hair and let go.
The hair fell through. Amiri and Iruka half-toppled off the sink. Amiri couldn't see what they'd put in her hair, but she could smell it burning.
Iruka watched as the tag fizzled blue--like Kakashi's Chidori, only smaller--and blue lightning tendrils start snaking up toward Amiri's skull. He grabbed his kunai and hacked the hair off, taking two feet of it and shortening it nearly to her shoulders. Blue crawled up toward his hand. He shoved the hair back at the mirror, the hair going through and his hand hitting cool glass.
All three ANBU leapt backward. The hair fizzled for a moment more, finally burning out and leaving a black smear on the white counter. It fizzled and crackled for a long time.
The ninja stood, staring out of expressionless masks. Slowly, one came forward and tapped the glass.
Amiri flipped him off and shook her head.
He didn't seem to react.
Then all three ANBU froze and looked toward the doorway.
Ibiki walked in, scarred and wearing his big coat. "What happened?" Iruka read off Ibiki's lips. He couldn't tell what the ANBU said back--fucking masks--but Ibiki looked at the mirror. And frowned.
"So that's their Ibiki, huh?" Amiri said finally. He actually looked identical.
"Figure out how it happened," Ibiki snapped at the ANBU, watching Amiri speak. He eyed her. "You know me?"
She just nodded.
The ANBU were searching the bathroom, one of them standing on the sink to check the top edge of the mirror.
"Should I know you?" Ibiki asked. He added without waiting for an answer, "What's your name and rank?"
"Shidehara Amiri, Chuunin medic," she answered.
Ibiki turned to one of the ANBU. "Find her equivalent. Find out what's different and if that equivalent can go through without switching," he said. The ANBU vanished.
"I bet the bizzaro-you's ugly," Iruka said. "Some super-butch bull-dyke."
Ibiki smirked.
"Thanks," Amiri said dryly, crossing her arms and pulling in automatically.
"How did you come through?" Ibiki asked, apparently assuming that one of them could read lips.
"I know he's asking a question, but I didn't get the finer details," Amiri said. "Could you fill me in, Iruka?"
Iruka began to translate.
She looked at Iruka. "I don't know, did I do anything special that you noticed?"
"I thought you were just trying to locate his wastebasket."
"Actually, I was looking for shampoo, but . . ."
Ibiki looked like he couldn't decide between disgust and amusement. "It's in the cupboard."
The ANBU he'd sent returned--or one wearing the same mask, at least. Ibiki looked like he was listening. He eyed Amiri thoughtfully. "Put more wards up," he said to the
ANBU there. "And add deterrents for any *other* people coming through," he continued. then he looked at Amiri. He opened his mouth to say something.
All the ANBU jumped and looked out the door. From the alternate stillness and shifting, the ANBU were nervous.
Then Kakashi stormed into the bathroom, bloody and wearing a torn vest. from the jaw movement, he was shouting, but they couldn't tell what.
"Calm down," Ibiki said dispassionately. "Someone came through. We were finding out what happened."
Kakashi bellowed some more and pointed out the door.
The three ANBU left without waiting for Ibiki to tell them to.
"You're overreacting," Ibiki said, Iruka translating gleefully.
Kakashi yelled some more.
Ibiki started to say something, glanced at them, and walked out. Kakashi followed.
The bathroom was empty for several moments. Then Kakashi walked back in, pulling off his hitae-ate and rubbing both eyes. More blood smeared over his forehead. "Ibiki thinks you're going to kill us all, somehow," he signed, sighing.
"I'm a Chuunin medic," she said slowly. "It'd be really interesting if I could, but it's probably not going to happen."
Kakashi nodded. He thought for a moment, then asked, "You can just reach through the glass?"
"I don't know. Is it gonna blow up if I try again now?"
Kakashi glanced upward, presumably at wards the ANBU had set around the glass. He focused, one fingers sparking blue, and reached up to fry them. "No," he said, finished. He smiled cheerfully.
She shrugged and put her hand against the wall, sliding it forward until it hit glass. Except it didn't hit glass, just kept sliding. She stopped when her hand was halfway through, shrugged, and pulled it back. "Apparently I can." Interesting and useless to her.
Kakashi nodded, left, and returned a moment later with three envelopes. "Could you just take these, then? It gets annoying waiting for the Irukas to be here at the same time." He smiled hopefully, eye cresenting.
Amiri looked at Iruka. "What the fuck are those?"
"Oh, he writes letters to this Kakashi's--just take them," Iruka said.
She reached her hand through and accepted the bundle.
Kakashi beamed and bowed slightly in thanks.
"Sorry your bathroom smells like burned hair now," Amiri said.
Kakashi sighed heavily. "It'll clean," he said, and rubbed at the black smear. It didn't budge. His eyes narrowed. "It *will.*" He rubbed. It didn't budge. Kakashi stared at it. "I'll get it replaced, then," he said finally.
Iruka exhaled. "He's gonna start scrubbing that thing like crazy now, and it makes me dizzy watching him. I'm leaving. Come on. You don't want to stand here and stare at this. We'll go drop those in the mail."
Kakashi rapped on the mirror as they left, attracting their attention. "I've got to re-enable some of the wards because Ibiki'll be annoyed if I don't," he signed, understating like mad. "But I'll adjust them so she can come through. All right?" He smiled. "Just don't . . . do anything." He glanced around, as if making sure he knew how his bathroom looked.
**
Raidou was looking forward to seeing Genma.
Right up until Genma refused to open the apartment door. Raidou knew the other man was in there; he could hear cursing when Genma stubbed his toe, and Genma had said, "I don't feel well. I'll talk to you later," which was a dead giveaway that he was in there, and that something was wrong.
Normally, if Genma wasn't feeling well he went to Raidou's apartment and expected some major coddling.
"Come on, man," Raidou called through the wood, standing in the dingy apartment hall. "Let me in!"
"Not now," Genma yelled back.
"I have stuff to tell you!"
"About the mirror?" Genma asked, and sounded oddly snide. "I already know."
Raidou frowned and pulled out a kunai, twisting it between his hands. "You okay?"
"Fine."
He leaned back against the opposite wall. "Did you meet the other Raidou?"
There was along moment of silence. "Yeah," Genma said quietly. "I did. Don't like him."
Raidou sighed and glared at his feet. "Was he an ass?" He smiled lopsidedly. "Want me to beat him up for you?"
"Go *away*," Genma said.
Raidou blinked and looked up. That wasn't normal. Not at all. "C'mon, man. You're worrying me."
"I just want to spend some time alone, okay? Not deal with any Raidous. Just give me a few days." Inside the apartment, Genma cracked the seal on a bottle of vodka and measured it out into a shot glass. Then he considered, tossed the shot glass aside, and chugged straight out of the bottle.
Everything had been so fucking *perfect.* "Just go away," he muttered.
There was a long silence on the other side of the door. Then Raidou's voice piped up again. "Look, you have to come out eventually."
Ha. He had enough food to stay boxed up for *weeks.*
"I met the alternate you."
The one that was married to that other Raidou. The Raidou who loved him, over there. Genma slugged back another shot.
"He's nice."
Fucker.
"I stayed at his place. He let me use his bed. You gonna open the door yet?"
He winced and didn't answer. If he were quiet, maybe Raidou would think he'd gone to bed and leave. He considered doing just that.
Somehow, though, he couldn't walk away from that voice at his door. It was like an addiction, and he hated it. He closed his eyes, wishing more than anything he'd ever wished before that this whole thing had never happened. It wasn't so bad, not having Raidou when he didn't know what it could be like. He leaned against the door and slowly slid to the carpet.
"And I talked to this woman--Ibiki has a *girlfriend* in that universe. She's really nice. I did stuff in her garden to replace this thing I broke in Genma's house. They have a *house*, that Genma and Raidou. Oh, gods, and there was this giant picture of that Raidou naked and flipping--"
Genma brought his knees up and leaned his head on them, clutching his bottle. He couldn't listen to this. He couldn't *not* listen to this. He took another long drink, and thought he couldn't get smashed fast enough.
He wished he'd never gone on that stupid cake mission. He wished the other Raidou hadn't been so fucking *nice.* He wished--
He wished he could forget all of it, and set about making it happen--if only temporarily.
**
Several days later, Raidou pounded at Kakashi's door, knowing the man was in there and so refusing to go away. He was getting good at this refusing-to-go-away bit.
Eventually, Kakashi opened the door. "What?" the silver-haired Jounin snapped.
"I need your mirror," Raidou said.
Kakashi blinked slowly and said nothing.
"Iruka said you have to let me in!" Raidou nearly bellowed. It was a lie, but Kakashi wouldn't know that.
Fifteen minutes later, after arguing with Kakashi, he stood in the bathroom and rapped on the mirror.
Minutes passed.
He rapped again.
Minutes passed.
He rapped again.
Minutes passed.
You get the idea.
It was over an hour and a half later before Iruka came in, still carrying a knapsack filled with half graded papers. He looked slightly harried. "What?" he said finally. "I just got *home,* what do you want?"
"I need to talk to Amiri," Raidou said. "Is she around?"
"Why?" Iruka groaned. "No, she's on call at the hospital today. I think. I don't know . . . I don't have her schedule memorized, it changes too often."
"Find out? I *really* need to talk to her," Raidou pleaded, clasping both hands together. "Please please please?"
He couldn't hear the pleading because there was noise, but it was pathetically obvious from the man's posture. "I'll tell her when I see her, okay? I'll . . . I'll go look."
Raidou waited while Iruka left. It was a long while before he got back. "I left a note on her door," he said. "And one at the hospital. She'll get here when she gets it."
Raidou felt crestfallen. Still, there wasn't anything more to be done. He sat down to wait.
Three hours later, Kakashi kicked him out of the apartment. He went back to Genma's apartment to wait, and Kakashi said he'd send Amiri along with directions when she arrived.
Seven hours after *that* Amiri got home, got her note, and went to Iruka's. In the bathroom on the other side of the mirror there was a single envelope with her name on it. She reached through, picked it up, and read it.
Amiri, it read, please come over. Thank you. And was signed with a henohenomoheji. PS, it continued, I disabled the wards.
She looked at Iruka. "Should I be trusting this?"
"I . . . guess you're invited," he said slowly." I don't know. I don't know, if you would like to you could, I suppose, but . . . I mean, nothing's happened all the times you've taken the letters . . ."
She sighed. "Okay. How do I get over there without stepping on anything? . . . no *touching* anything," she added as an afterthought.
Between the two of them, they figured out how she could vault over the sink and land on the other side, not having set skin on the counter. Of course, not setting skin on the counter didn't mean her butt hadn't slid off the edge a little . . . but all in all, it was a fairly clean dismount.
She knocked at the bathroom door. "Hello?"
It opened, and Kakashi blinked at her. Then he smiled, ruffling up the back of his hair, blocking her view of the apartment. "Ah, Raidou's having some sort of crisis. I told him I'd get you over."
"Is he here?" she asked, but she didn't try to look past him.
"No," he said, still smiling. "He's at Genma's." He waved at the Pansyass-Iruka. "I think he's hoping you'll go talk to him," Kakashi continued.
"Because dying as a science experiment is so high on my list of things to do," she said dryly. "I'm nervous just being this far from the mirror."
Kakashi looked confused. "You're a science experiment?"
"No, I just get the feeling that's kind of what your Ibiki wants to do with me," she said slowly.
"Ah. He's already lost interest in you. He wants to figure out how to get people through, but knows I don't want them in here." He smiled brightly, and Amiri thought she saw a glint of smugness.
"Uhhh huh. That's only slightly soothing," she said finally.
Kakashi turned away, apparently thinking. "What if I walk you over there?" he asked finally.
"And back," Amiri demanded.
Kakashi scratched the back of his head. "I'll bring you back if Raidou doesn't."
She sighed. "Okay, fine."
He glanced over his shoulder, into his apartment, then back at Amiri.
Amiri started looking at the ceiling, figuring there was something she wasn't supposed to see in there. Given the way he kept the door half closed and his body blocking the rest . . .
Kakashi opened the door finally, leading the way out.
Amiri followed, trying to continue looking up, stepping as lightly as she could. Then they were outside, and she let her gaze fall back to eye level. She had no shoes. She'd been inside Iruka's apartment, and it hadn't occurred to her she might need shoes over *here* . . . Luckily, it seemed like a nice enough night. The air felt crisper than at her home. Leaves were starting to turn colors, hanging off branches. They didn't have terribly far to go before she heard a familiar voice shout, "AMIRI!" There was a scrambling of feet and then a broad-shouldered Jounin had picked her up in a big bear hug. "Oh, man, am I glad to see you!"
Kakashi left.
"Ahhh, put me down! What's wrong?" Amiri asked.
Raidou set her down, grabbing her hand and dragging her to an apartment doorway. "Genma won't come out. He's been locked in his apartment for *days* and I don't know what's wrong except that he wouldn't talk to me and he won't come out!" Raidou nearly wailed.
He dragged her up a flight of stairs and shoved her in front of a door.
Amiri sighed and didn't bother asking how she was supposed to fix it. Raidou obviously thought she had some sort of magic wand. She knocked on the door.
"Fuck, *off*, Raidou," a voice said from inside. "I'll come out *later.*"
"Actually, I'd like to know if I can come in."
There was a shuffling and the door opened a crack, a seal keeping it from opening the rest of the way.
Raidou pushed forward. The door started to slam.
"He's not gonna come in," she said sharply, glaring at Raidou.
"I'm not?" he asked.
"No. You're not. You're not helping the situation. You're going to sit there." Couples therapy generally only worked when they knew they were a couple.
Slowly, the door opened again. "Do I know you?" a haggard looking Genma asked.
"No. Can we talk?"
The door opened a little further, far enough to let her slip inside.
"Why did that work?" Raidou asked plaintively from the floor.
Genma just closed the door, leaning against it and putting the seal in lieu of a chain back in place.
"Hi. My name's Amiri," she said, holding her hand out finally after a moment of awkward silence. She glanced around the apartment at the boxes of empty bottles piled near the door.
"Ah. You're the therapist," Genma said, looking at her suspiciously and not shaking her hand.
"I'm not actually a therapist," she said blandly.
Genma just looked at her. "Did you want something?"
"I'm apparently just here to talk."
He looked a little nonplussed and stepped away from the wall, over a pile of dirty laundry that had migrated from the bedroom. "Okay . . . can I get you something?" Glassy eyes looked at the bottles. "I'm out of alcohol . . ."
"Do you have any food?"
He shook his head. "Been out of that for a day . . . maybe two . . . now."
"Do you want to go get something?"
He glanced at the door and the Raidou beyond it. "I leave, he'll pounce," he muttered darkly.
"Well, you're a Jounin here, right? Put up an illusion, we'll leave out the window."
Genma thought about it, shrugged, and made the appropriate hand seals, forming his chakra. It was entirely too much on his hangover. He started to vomit, and made it to the bathroom sink just in time to keep from spewing across the floor.
She moved to rub his shoulders, doing something with chakra that settled him slightly.
"Thanks," he croaked, grabbing a paper towel and wiping his mouth off. "Ugh." Then he straightened.
"Is the ramen stand in the same place here?" Amiri asked.
Genma looked at her blankly. "Uh, there's one down the street," he said. "I don't know where it is there."
"Well, that's close enough. I'm vaguely paranoid about being abducted and experimented on."
It dragged a smile, kicking and screaming, from Genma. "You won't get abducted. Promise."
"Well, lead the way then. You think you can make it out the window? Without you know, tripping and falling?"
Genma perched in the sill and considered it. "We'll find out," he said, and dropped.
Apparently he could drop without tripping and falling. He managed to land on his feet--barely.
Amiri jumped down after him, landing lightly. "Okay."
They made it to the ramen shop without any abductions at all. She waited until they got to the stall before talking, then, "How long do you think you'll stayed holed up before you can talk to him again? Without needing to be really really drunk."
Genma shrugged miserably, and mentally winced at 'really.' It just reminded him of sex with the not-Raidou. "I'm thinking a decade might do it," he muttered.
"How long do you really think it's going to take?"
Genma sighed and rubbed his head. "If he'd leave, it'd probably go faster. I just need a *break.*" He added after a minute, "And Ibiki wouldn't give me any missions. I tried."
"Your Ibiki's kind of disturbing here," she informed him, "but I'm not surprised no one's giving you missions right now."
"Yeah," Genma said glumly. "Plus I was drunk at the time."
She sighed and ordered him a hangover chaser. She figured they'd have it--any place open that late at night should have raw egg and wasabi available. Genma drank it wordlessly. His eyes started to water, and he coughed once. "Wasabi," he wheezed.
"Well, yeah, that's the main ingredient in one of those things," Amiri said, sitting him down at a table.
Genma laid his arms across the scuffed wood, using them as a pillow for his head. "Why *are* you here?" he mumbled.
She patted his shoulder. "Because your Raidou's concerned. Hell, *my* Raidou's concerned."
Genma flinched.
"My *Genma's* concerned."
"Fuck, does *everyone* know?" Genma groaned.
"Well, he had to tell Genma," Amiri said.
Genma grunted. "How'd he take it?"
"Don't take this the wrong way, but you're not much of a threat as far as he's concerned. He took it fairly well."
Genma sighed. "That's good. In a fucked-up way," he muttered.
"Just like that Genma's not really a threat to you," she added.
Genma sat up and glared at her. "Raidou just spent the last three days sitting outside my door talking about conversations with you and that *wonderful* Genma and he's sounding more gay than ever and how he slept in *that* Genma's bed. *That* Genma and you guys got farther than the whole fucking town of Konoha here got in *thirty-two years.*"
"Well, have you tried telling him he's gay without using the word 'gay'? That was all I did."
Genma looked at her blankly. "No," he said finally. "The last time we talked about it he stopped speaking to me entirely--"
"For a week. And then you went around and screwed with as many people as possible and never brought it up again, right?"
"Yes!" he yelled. Then he deflated. "I kinda hoped he'd figure it out on his own," he muttered, looking away miserably.
"He's very, very dense," she said. "Like pound cake. Made out of lead."
Genma snorted. "He's not. He just *acts* like it."
"No. He is. When it comes to this, he is."
Genma hesitated, then admitted, "When it comes to this, yes."
"But you gave up because you didn't want to lose him, right?"
Genma rubbed his eyes. "Friends is better than nothing," he muttered unhappily.
"It's not, really, because you'll never have any way to heal over this if he's always around, gaying it up."
"So, what, I'm just supposed to stop talking to him?"
"No. I think he's proven by now that he's not going to let you give up. But you should stop being mad at him because of something *my* idiot Raidou did."
"If he would *go away*--it's just fucking *painful* to talk to him right now," Genma snapped. "Can't you tell him to go away? Give me a week?"
"He's not gonna go away no matter what you do, so why don't you tell him what you're thinking?"
"I *tried*. He didn't *get it.* And I'm not going to tell him I slept with that other Raidou."
"He's probably going to figure it out."
Genma stared at her. "Lead pound cake, remember?"
"When it comes to his own sexuality . . . but he knows the other Raidou is gay because there's photographic evidence. You don't think it might occasionally occur to him that locking two gay guys on a mission might eventually lead to fornication?"
"No," Genma said with disgust. "Lead. Pound. Cake."
"Would he think it was plausible if somebody told him?"
"'Course. But I'm not going to."
"That's fair enough."
Genma looked at her suspiciously.
"You should have some broth. You probably won't be able to keep down anything solid."
Genma sipped obediently
.
**
They walked back to Genma's apartment by way of the front door where Raidou was shouting, "What are you doing in there? All I hear are funny noises!"
"Is your jutsu wearing off?" Amiri asked quietly.
Genma listened. The talking noises he'd cast were more like moaning noises now. "I guess."
"Genma! You can't *sleep* with her! She's Ibiki's--oh." Raidou blinked at them. "But--" he looked at the door. In the confusion, Genma slipped inside and locked it again. "did you talk to him?" Raidou asked Amiri.
"Yes, I did. And I think you should give him a few days. Like maybe three."
"But he's not eating and I'm worried."
"He's had something to eat. You can bring him some food. But what you should know is that he slept with my world's Raidou."
"Oh." Raidou stared at the door unhappily. Then his eyes widened and he looked at Amiri. "WHAT?"
"So what he really needs," Amiri continued as if the man hadn't just yelled at her, "is a day or two where he doesn't have to look at you or listen to you. Think of it as getting over a breakup. One of those really terrible ones."
". . . I hear those can be bad," Raidou said slowly, looking like he was trying not to be angry. Then the anger came through anyway. "He slept with that other Raidou?"
"He thought it was you," she said, knowing that probably wouldn't help.
"That other Raidou slept with *my* Genma?"
She bit back several comments, then said, "But you're not gay, so that doesn't matter now, does it?" There was just a hint of sarcasm.
"But--it affects me!" Raidou yelled.
"Does it really?"
He pointed at the locked door. "Obviously!"
"Him not letting you in for a few days because of a bad breakup isn't anything new. Hasn't he been in other relationships?"
"Yes, and at the end of them he always *came* to me!"
"A one-night stand is not a relationship."
Raidou blanched. "So you're saying that his first *relationship* was with a me that wasn't me? That's--that's--that's not right!"
"'Cause it should've been you."
"Y--no! I--it shouldn't have been any Raidou!"
"Raidou," she said slowly, "he's in love with you. It's really blatantly, horribly, painfully obvious to everyone but you. Because you're a lovable pound cake made out of lead."
Raidou stared at the door. "He is not! He's my best friend!"
"He's in love with you and you could ask him but you know what he'd say? He'd probably say he wasn't because he's petrified that he'll lose you if he tells you the truth." And this time, she knew it--no guesses, because she'd *talked* to both of them.
"That's stupid! Genma's not afraid of anything!"
"He's afraid of losing you."
Raidou stared. "No he's--it's not--you should go home now," Raidou said firmly.
"You're in love with him, too," she added with a slight grin. "In case you haven't noticed."
"I'm *straight!*" he shouted.
"No, you're really not," Amiri said. "You're barely even bi. I don't think you are bi at all, actually. I mean, there's probably essays of material in you about how someone could grow up that gay and still think they're straight."
"I am *not*--"
Genma's door opened. "My upstairs neighbor just pounded through the floor that if you don't shut up he's going to our landlord. Would you two please *leave*?"
"Did you sleep with the other Raidou?" Raidou said accusingly.
Genma paled and looked at Amiri. Then he looked straight at Raidou, opened his mouth, apparently thought better, and slammed the door closed again.
"That was a yes, in case you were wondering."
"He sleeps with *everyone*!"
"You know what you should do," she said, turning and walking toward Kakashi's apartment, certain Raidou would follow. "You should kiss him."
"I'm not going to *kiss* him."
"You should, though. Have you ever kissed a boy before?"
He blushed dully. "Yes."
"Did you like it?"
"I was drunk," he answered.
"Do you remember liking it?" she repeated.
"I--I guess. It was a mouth. that was the most important part right then. And there was a girl there, so . . ."
"But you did kiss him. Were you thinking about the girl when you did that, or were you just enjoying the kiss?"
The blush grew. "I don't fucking remember," he mumbled. "It was *years* ago."
"Then you should kiss Genma."
He was mulishly silent.
"Okay, listen, "Amiri started. "I want you to think about all the couple-y things you've ever seen people do who are in love, and then I want you to think about all the things you and Genma have done with each other. If you get tickets to the show, who do you think of inviting first? Who does he invite? I don't think you're as stupid as you wish you were." They were nearing Kakashi's apartment; there was a light on in the window. "Think about things he does for you and then *don't* tell yourself, 'but he's my friend.' just think about what he does and then think about the next thing he did, instead of trying to rationalize it before it has a chance to sink in."
Raidou frowned at his feet. He scratched the back of his neck. "This is Kakashi's place," he said uselessly. "I--" he frowned again, and kicked at a pebble. "Hm," he humphed at last. "I should go. I have . . . Kakashi can make sure you're not abducted from here."
She nodded and rapped on the door. When it opened she was looking skyward again. "My feet are dirty," she said in lieu of a hello.
Because she wasn't looking, she didn't see what he did--just heard a half-muffled chuckle and then suddenly was *off* her feet as Kakashi picked her up, one arm under her knees and the other behind her back, carrying her across the apartment toward the bathroom.
He set her on the counter, keeping her feet lifted. "Can you swing over?" he asked cheerfully.
She could, and did, putting a big muddy footprint on the sink on the other side of the mirror. When she got down she wiped it up so he didn't have to look at it.
"Thank you," Kakashi signed, smiling.
She smiled, waved, gave a slight bow, and then left.
"Those people have problems," she informed Iruka, who was still busily grading papers.
"So d'you save the world?" Iruka asked, semi-sarcastically.
"I don't know, I guess I'll find out later. I'm gonna go home now."
*********************
In Which Raidou Gets A Talking-To About His Sexuality, and Genma is Quite Put Out
Authors: MessyPeaches and JBMcDragon
Status: Complete, much to be posted.
Rating: Er. There's one chapter that's like, hard R/soft NC-17. R overall for language.
Summary: Following in the footsteps of Volume 1 and Volume 2, shit happens. Momo and JB laugh.
Volume 3, Chapter 1
Vol 3, Chapter 2
Vol 3, Chapter 3
Vol 3, Chapter 4
Vol 3, Chapter 5
Vol 3, Chapter 6
Vol 3, Chapter 7
JB and Momo
Chapter Eight
"I don't know how he's doing it, but somehow he's been stealing our toothbrushes and replacing them with clean ones," Iruka said to Amiri, standing in the bathroom and looking at the mirror. "He doesn't do it while we're watching because he doesn't want us to get into his place, but still."
"Spooky," she agreed. "Huh. There's nothing on the counter in there, ever. Right?"
"Yeah. I talk to that Iruka every now and then," Iruka agreed. "His Kakashi's obsessive to the max. I'm surprised he's not being medicated for it." He tapped the mirror. "And sometimes it goes back to a regular mirror. I think it's when that Kakashi's channel surfing. But it always returns to this, by the next day." Even when they'd left it on, say, the naked Tsunade channel for the night.
"I thought you said he's got curtains."
"He did, for a while," Iruka said, slowly. "But now they're gone. I don't know what happened. The other Iruka won't say."
"Huh." She sat on the sink and leaned forward. "Does he even have a trash can in there? Toilet paper?" Her forehead hit the mirror, and with an odd ripple she was suddenly halfway through, to the waist. "Ack!" She yelped, and it echoed in the too clean bathroom.
Iruka automatically put a hand out, both to try to stabilize her and to go through himself. His fingers jammed against the glass. "Fuck!"
She twisted to look at him and gave a half-shrug. "I don't know what I did." She looked around. "His trash can's empty. And he's done that thing where you fold the last sheet of toilet paper? You should tell that Iruka there really are pills for this kind of--" She stopped. And started to shove herself back through.
It seemed harder to get back through than it had to go through in the first place, but she was trying as fast as she could. A funny feeling up her spine and--
The door smashed open. Three men in ANBU masks bolted in just as she managed to get her head back.
Her hair was suspended halfway through the glass, falling slowly as if through molasses.
The first ANBU grabbed the black locks and yanked, as if he could pull her right back into the bathroom. It was probably only the fact that Iruka had put his arms around her waist and started pulling that kept her from toppling through.
The ninja hesitated, then with a swift motion tied a seal to her hair and let go.
The hair fell through. Amiri and Iruka half-toppled off the sink. Amiri couldn't see what they'd put in her hair, but she could smell it burning.
Iruka watched as the tag fizzled blue--like Kakashi's Chidori, only smaller--and blue lightning tendrils start snaking up toward Amiri's skull. He grabbed his kunai and hacked the hair off, taking two feet of it and shortening it nearly to her shoulders. Blue crawled up toward his hand. He shoved the hair back at the mirror, the hair going through and his hand hitting cool glass.
All three ANBU leapt backward. The hair fizzled for a moment more, finally burning out and leaving a black smear on the white counter. It fizzled and crackled for a long time.
The ninja stood, staring out of expressionless masks. Slowly, one came forward and tapped the glass.
Amiri flipped him off and shook her head.
He didn't seem to react.
Then all three ANBU froze and looked toward the doorway.
Ibiki walked in, scarred and wearing his big coat. "What happened?" Iruka read off Ibiki's lips. He couldn't tell what the ANBU said back--fucking masks--but Ibiki looked at the mirror. And frowned.
"So that's their Ibiki, huh?" Amiri said finally. He actually looked identical.
"Figure out how it happened," Ibiki snapped at the ANBU, watching Amiri speak. He eyed her. "You know me?"
She just nodded.
The ANBU were searching the bathroom, one of them standing on the sink to check the top edge of the mirror.
"Should I know you?" Ibiki asked. He added without waiting for an answer, "What's your name and rank?"
"Shidehara Amiri, Chuunin medic," she answered.
Ibiki turned to one of the ANBU. "Find her equivalent. Find out what's different and if that equivalent can go through without switching," he said. The ANBU vanished.
"I bet the bizzaro-you's ugly," Iruka said. "Some super-butch bull-dyke."
Ibiki smirked.
"Thanks," Amiri said dryly, crossing her arms and pulling in automatically.
"How did you come through?" Ibiki asked, apparently assuming that one of them could read lips.
"I know he's asking a question, but I didn't get the finer details," Amiri said. "Could you fill me in, Iruka?"
Iruka began to translate.
She looked at Iruka. "I don't know, did I do anything special that you noticed?"
"I thought you were just trying to locate his wastebasket."
"Actually, I was looking for shampoo, but . . ."
Ibiki looked like he couldn't decide between disgust and amusement. "It's in the cupboard."
The ANBU he'd sent returned--or one wearing the same mask, at least. Ibiki looked like he was listening. He eyed Amiri thoughtfully. "Put more wards up," he said to the
ANBU there. "And add deterrents for any *other* people coming through," he continued. then he looked at Amiri. He opened his mouth to say something.
All the ANBU jumped and looked out the door. From the alternate stillness and shifting, the ANBU were nervous.
Then Kakashi stormed into the bathroom, bloody and wearing a torn vest. from the jaw movement, he was shouting, but they couldn't tell what.
"Calm down," Ibiki said dispassionately. "Someone came through. We were finding out what happened."
Kakashi bellowed some more and pointed out the door.
The three ANBU left without waiting for Ibiki to tell them to.
"You're overreacting," Ibiki said, Iruka translating gleefully.
Kakashi yelled some more.
Ibiki started to say something, glanced at them, and walked out. Kakashi followed.
The bathroom was empty for several moments. Then Kakashi walked back in, pulling off his hitae-ate and rubbing both eyes. More blood smeared over his forehead. "Ibiki thinks you're going to kill us all, somehow," he signed, sighing.
"I'm a Chuunin medic," she said slowly. "It'd be really interesting if I could, but it's probably not going to happen."
Kakashi nodded. He thought for a moment, then asked, "You can just reach through the glass?"
"I don't know. Is it gonna blow up if I try again now?"
Kakashi glanced upward, presumably at wards the ANBU had set around the glass. He focused, one fingers sparking blue, and reached up to fry them. "No," he said, finished. He smiled cheerfully.
She shrugged and put her hand against the wall, sliding it forward until it hit glass. Except it didn't hit glass, just kept sliding. She stopped when her hand was halfway through, shrugged, and pulled it back. "Apparently I can." Interesting and useless to her.
Kakashi nodded, left, and returned a moment later with three envelopes. "Could you just take these, then? It gets annoying waiting for the Irukas to be here at the same time." He smiled hopefully, eye cresenting.
Amiri looked at Iruka. "What the fuck are those?"
"Oh, he writes letters to this Kakashi's--just take them," Iruka said.
She reached her hand through and accepted the bundle.
Kakashi beamed and bowed slightly in thanks.
"Sorry your bathroom smells like burned hair now," Amiri said.
Kakashi sighed heavily. "It'll clean," he said, and rubbed at the black smear. It didn't budge. His eyes narrowed. "It *will.*" He rubbed. It didn't budge. Kakashi stared at it. "I'll get it replaced, then," he said finally.
Iruka exhaled. "He's gonna start scrubbing that thing like crazy now, and it makes me dizzy watching him. I'm leaving. Come on. You don't want to stand here and stare at this. We'll go drop those in the mail."
Kakashi rapped on the mirror as they left, attracting their attention. "I've got to re-enable some of the wards because Ibiki'll be annoyed if I don't," he signed, understating like mad. "But I'll adjust them so she can come through. All right?" He smiled. "Just don't . . . do anything." He glanced around, as if making sure he knew how his bathroom looked.
**
Raidou was looking forward to seeing Genma.
Right up until Genma refused to open the apartment door. Raidou knew the other man was in there; he could hear cursing when Genma stubbed his toe, and Genma had said, "I don't feel well. I'll talk to you later," which was a dead giveaway that he was in there, and that something was wrong.
Normally, if Genma wasn't feeling well he went to Raidou's apartment and expected some major coddling.
"Come on, man," Raidou called through the wood, standing in the dingy apartment hall. "Let me in!"
"Not now," Genma yelled back.
"I have stuff to tell you!"
"About the mirror?" Genma asked, and sounded oddly snide. "I already know."
Raidou frowned and pulled out a kunai, twisting it between his hands. "You okay?"
"Fine."
He leaned back against the opposite wall. "Did you meet the other Raidou?"
There was along moment of silence. "Yeah," Genma said quietly. "I did. Don't like him."
Raidou sighed and glared at his feet. "Was he an ass?" He smiled lopsidedly. "Want me to beat him up for you?"
"Go *away*," Genma said.
Raidou blinked and looked up. That wasn't normal. Not at all. "C'mon, man. You're worrying me."
"I just want to spend some time alone, okay? Not deal with any Raidous. Just give me a few days." Inside the apartment, Genma cracked the seal on a bottle of vodka and measured it out into a shot glass. Then he considered, tossed the shot glass aside, and chugged straight out of the bottle.
Everything had been so fucking *perfect.* "Just go away," he muttered.
There was a long silence on the other side of the door. Then Raidou's voice piped up again. "Look, you have to come out eventually."
Ha. He had enough food to stay boxed up for *weeks.*
"I met the alternate you."
The one that was married to that other Raidou. The Raidou who loved him, over there. Genma slugged back another shot.
"He's nice."
Fucker.
"I stayed at his place. He let me use his bed. You gonna open the door yet?"
He winced and didn't answer. If he were quiet, maybe Raidou would think he'd gone to bed and leave. He considered doing just that.
Somehow, though, he couldn't walk away from that voice at his door. It was like an addiction, and he hated it. He closed his eyes, wishing more than anything he'd ever wished before that this whole thing had never happened. It wasn't so bad, not having Raidou when he didn't know what it could be like. He leaned against the door and slowly slid to the carpet.
"And I talked to this woman--Ibiki has a *girlfriend* in that universe. She's really nice. I did stuff in her garden to replace this thing I broke in Genma's house. They have a *house*, that Genma and Raidou. Oh, gods, and there was this giant picture of that Raidou naked and flipping--"
Genma brought his knees up and leaned his head on them, clutching his bottle. He couldn't listen to this. He couldn't *not* listen to this. He took another long drink, and thought he couldn't get smashed fast enough.
He wished he'd never gone on that stupid cake mission. He wished the other Raidou hadn't been so fucking *nice.* He wished--
He wished he could forget all of it, and set about making it happen--if only temporarily.
**
Several days later, Raidou pounded at Kakashi's door, knowing the man was in there and so refusing to go away. He was getting good at this refusing-to-go-away bit.
Eventually, Kakashi opened the door. "What?" the silver-haired Jounin snapped.
"I need your mirror," Raidou said.
Kakashi blinked slowly and said nothing.
"Iruka said you have to let me in!" Raidou nearly bellowed. It was a lie, but Kakashi wouldn't know that.
Fifteen minutes later, after arguing with Kakashi, he stood in the bathroom and rapped on the mirror.
Minutes passed.
He rapped again.
Minutes passed.
He rapped again.
Minutes passed.
You get the idea.
It was over an hour and a half later before Iruka came in, still carrying a knapsack filled with half graded papers. He looked slightly harried. "What?" he said finally. "I just got *home,* what do you want?"
"I need to talk to Amiri," Raidou said. "Is she around?"
"Why?" Iruka groaned. "No, she's on call at the hospital today. I think. I don't know . . . I don't have her schedule memorized, it changes too often."
"Find out? I *really* need to talk to her," Raidou pleaded, clasping both hands together. "Please please please?"
He couldn't hear the pleading because there was noise, but it was pathetically obvious from the man's posture. "I'll tell her when I see her, okay? I'll . . . I'll go look."
Raidou waited while Iruka left. It was a long while before he got back. "I left a note on her door," he said. "And one at the hospital. She'll get here when she gets it."
Raidou felt crestfallen. Still, there wasn't anything more to be done. He sat down to wait.
Three hours later, Kakashi kicked him out of the apartment. He went back to Genma's apartment to wait, and Kakashi said he'd send Amiri along with directions when she arrived.
Seven hours after *that* Amiri got home, got her note, and went to Iruka's. In the bathroom on the other side of the mirror there was a single envelope with her name on it. She reached through, picked it up, and read it.
Amiri, it read, please come over. Thank you. And was signed with a henohenomoheji. PS, it continued, I disabled the wards.
She looked at Iruka. "Should I be trusting this?"
"I . . . guess you're invited," he said slowly." I don't know. I don't know, if you would like to you could, I suppose, but . . . I mean, nothing's happened all the times you've taken the letters . . ."
She sighed. "Okay. How do I get over there without stepping on anything? . . . no *touching* anything," she added as an afterthought.
Between the two of them, they figured out how she could vault over the sink and land on the other side, not having set skin on the counter. Of course, not setting skin on the counter didn't mean her butt hadn't slid off the edge a little . . . but all in all, it was a fairly clean dismount.
She knocked at the bathroom door. "Hello?"
It opened, and Kakashi blinked at her. Then he smiled, ruffling up the back of his hair, blocking her view of the apartment. "Ah, Raidou's having some sort of crisis. I told him I'd get you over."
"Is he here?" she asked, but she didn't try to look past him.
"No," he said, still smiling. "He's at Genma's." He waved at the Pansyass-Iruka. "I think he's hoping you'll go talk to him," Kakashi continued.
"Because dying as a science experiment is so high on my list of things to do," she said dryly. "I'm nervous just being this far from the mirror."
Kakashi looked confused. "You're a science experiment?"
"No, I just get the feeling that's kind of what your Ibiki wants to do with me," she said slowly.
"Ah. He's already lost interest in you. He wants to figure out how to get people through, but knows I don't want them in here." He smiled brightly, and Amiri thought she saw a glint of smugness.
"Uhhh huh. That's only slightly soothing," she said finally.
Kakashi turned away, apparently thinking. "What if I walk you over there?" he asked finally.
"And back," Amiri demanded.
Kakashi scratched the back of his head. "I'll bring you back if Raidou doesn't."
She sighed. "Okay, fine."
He glanced over his shoulder, into his apartment, then back at Amiri.
Amiri started looking at the ceiling, figuring there was something she wasn't supposed to see in there. Given the way he kept the door half closed and his body blocking the rest . . .
Kakashi opened the door finally, leading the way out.
Amiri followed, trying to continue looking up, stepping as lightly as she could. Then they were outside, and she let her gaze fall back to eye level. She had no shoes. She'd been inside Iruka's apartment, and it hadn't occurred to her she might need shoes over *here* . . . Luckily, it seemed like a nice enough night. The air felt crisper than at her home. Leaves were starting to turn colors, hanging off branches. They didn't have terribly far to go before she heard a familiar voice shout, "AMIRI!" There was a scrambling of feet and then a broad-shouldered Jounin had picked her up in a big bear hug. "Oh, man, am I glad to see you!"
Kakashi left.
"Ahhh, put me down! What's wrong?" Amiri asked.
Raidou set her down, grabbing her hand and dragging her to an apartment doorway. "Genma won't come out. He's been locked in his apartment for *days* and I don't know what's wrong except that he wouldn't talk to me and he won't come out!" Raidou nearly wailed.
He dragged her up a flight of stairs and shoved her in front of a door.
Amiri sighed and didn't bother asking how she was supposed to fix it. Raidou obviously thought she had some sort of magic wand. She knocked on the door.
"Fuck, *off*, Raidou," a voice said from inside. "I'll come out *later.*"
"Actually, I'd like to know if I can come in."
There was a shuffling and the door opened a crack, a seal keeping it from opening the rest of the way.
Raidou pushed forward. The door started to slam.
"He's not gonna come in," she said sharply, glaring at Raidou.
"I'm not?" he asked.
"No. You're not. You're not helping the situation. You're going to sit there." Couples therapy generally only worked when they knew they were a couple.
Slowly, the door opened again. "Do I know you?" a haggard looking Genma asked.
"No. Can we talk?"
The door opened a little further, far enough to let her slip inside.
"Why did that work?" Raidou asked plaintively from the floor.
Genma just closed the door, leaning against it and putting the seal in lieu of a chain back in place.
"Hi. My name's Amiri," she said, holding her hand out finally after a moment of awkward silence. She glanced around the apartment at the boxes of empty bottles piled near the door.
"Ah. You're the therapist," Genma said, looking at her suspiciously and not shaking her hand.
"I'm not actually a therapist," she said blandly.
Genma just looked at her. "Did you want something?"
"I'm apparently just here to talk."
He looked a little nonplussed and stepped away from the wall, over a pile of dirty laundry that had migrated from the bedroom. "Okay . . . can I get you something?" Glassy eyes looked at the bottles. "I'm out of alcohol . . ."
"Do you have any food?"
He shook his head. "Been out of that for a day . . . maybe two . . . now."
"Do you want to go get something?"
He glanced at the door and the Raidou beyond it. "I leave, he'll pounce," he muttered darkly.
"Well, you're a Jounin here, right? Put up an illusion, we'll leave out the window."
Genma thought about it, shrugged, and made the appropriate hand seals, forming his chakra. It was entirely too much on his hangover. He started to vomit, and made it to the bathroom sink just in time to keep from spewing across the floor.
She moved to rub his shoulders, doing something with chakra that settled him slightly.
"Thanks," he croaked, grabbing a paper towel and wiping his mouth off. "Ugh." Then he straightened.
"Is the ramen stand in the same place here?" Amiri asked.
Genma looked at her blankly. "Uh, there's one down the street," he said. "I don't know where it is there."
"Well, that's close enough. I'm vaguely paranoid about being abducted and experimented on."
It dragged a smile, kicking and screaming, from Genma. "You won't get abducted. Promise."
"Well, lead the way then. You think you can make it out the window? Without you know, tripping and falling?"
Genma perched in the sill and considered it. "We'll find out," he said, and dropped.
Apparently he could drop without tripping and falling. He managed to land on his feet--barely.
Amiri jumped down after him, landing lightly. "Okay."
They made it to the ramen shop without any abductions at all. She waited until they got to the stall before talking, then, "How long do you think you'll stayed holed up before you can talk to him again? Without needing to be really really drunk."
Genma shrugged miserably, and mentally winced at 'really.' It just reminded him of sex with the not-Raidou. "I'm thinking a decade might do it," he muttered.
"How long do you really think it's going to take?"
Genma sighed and rubbed his head. "If he'd leave, it'd probably go faster. I just need a *break.*" He added after a minute, "And Ibiki wouldn't give me any missions. I tried."
"Your Ibiki's kind of disturbing here," she informed him, "but I'm not surprised no one's giving you missions right now."
"Yeah," Genma said glumly. "Plus I was drunk at the time."
She sighed and ordered him a hangover chaser. She figured they'd have it--any place open that late at night should have raw egg and wasabi available. Genma drank it wordlessly. His eyes started to water, and he coughed once. "Wasabi," he wheezed.
"Well, yeah, that's the main ingredient in one of those things," Amiri said, sitting him down at a table.
Genma laid his arms across the scuffed wood, using them as a pillow for his head. "Why *are* you here?" he mumbled.
She patted his shoulder. "Because your Raidou's concerned. Hell, *my* Raidou's concerned."
Genma flinched.
"My *Genma's* concerned."
"Fuck, does *everyone* know?" Genma groaned.
"Well, he had to tell Genma," Amiri said.
Genma grunted. "How'd he take it?"
"Don't take this the wrong way, but you're not much of a threat as far as he's concerned. He took it fairly well."
Genma sighed. "That's good. In a fucked-up way," he muttered.
"Just like that Genma's not really a threat to you," she added.
Genma sat up and glared at her. "Raidou just spent the last three days sitting outside my door talking about conversations with you and that *wonderful* Genma and he's sounding more gay than ever and how he slept in *that* Genma's bed. *That* Genma and you guys got farther than the whole fucking town of Konoha here got in *thirty-two years.*"
"Well, have you tried telling him he's gay without using the word 'gay'? That was all I did."
Genma looked at her blankly. "No," he said finally. "The last time we talked about it he stopped speaking to me entirely--"
"For a week. And then you went around and screwed with as many people as possible and never brought it up again, right?"
"Yes!" he yelled. Then he deflated. "I kinda hoped he'd figure it out on his own," he muttered, looking away miserably.
"He's very, very dense," she said. "Like pound cake. Made out of lead."
Genma snorted. "He's not. He just *acts* like it."
"No. He is. When it comes to this, he is."
Genma hesitated, then admitted, "When it comes to this, yes."
"But you gave up because you didn't want to lose him, right?"
Genma rubbed his eyes. "Friends is better than nothing," he muttered unhappily.
"It's not, really, because you'll never have any way to heal over this if he's always around, gaying it up."
"So, what, I'm just supposed to stop talking to him?"
"No. I think he's proven by now that he's not going to let you give up. But you should stop being mad at him because of something *my* idiot Raidou did."
"If he would *go away*--it's just fucking *painful* to talk to him right now," Genma snapped. "Can't you tell him to go away? Give me a week?"
"He's not gonna go away no matter what you do, so why don't you tell him what you're thinking?"
"I *tried*. He didn't *get it.* And I'm not going to tell him I slept with that other Raidou."
"He's probably going to figure it out."
Genma stared at her. "Lead pound cake, remember?"
"When it comes to his own sexuality . . . but he knows the other Raidou is gay because there's photographic evidence. You don't think it might occasionally occur to him that locking two gay guys on a mission might eventually lead to fornication?"
"No," Genma said with disgust. "Lead. Pound. Cake."
"Would he think it was plausible if somebody told him?"
"'Course. But I'm not going to."
"That's fair enough."
Genma looked at her suspiciously.
"You should have some broth. You probably won't be able to keep down anything solid."
Genma sipped obediently
.
**
They walked back to Genma's apartment by way of the front door where Raidou was shouting, "What are you doing in there? All I hear are funny noises!"
"Is your jutsu wearing off?" Amiri asked quietly.
Genma listened. The talking noises he'd cast were more like moaning noises now. "I guess."
"Genma! You can't *sleep* with her! She's Ibiki's--oh." Raidou blinked at them. "But--" he looked at the door. In the confusion, Genma slipped inside and locked it again. "did you talk to him?" Raidou asked Amiri.
"Yes, I did. And I think you should give him a few days. Like maybe three."
"But he's not eating and I'm worried."
"He's had something to eat. You can bring him some food. But what you should know is that he slept with my world's Raidou."
"Oh." Raidou stared at the door unhappily. Then his eyes widened and he looked at Amiri. "WHAT?"
"So what he really needs," Amiri continued as if the man hadn't just yelled at her, "is a day or two where he doesn't have to look at you or listen to you. Think of it as getting over a breakup. One of those really terrible ones."
". . . I hear those can be bad," Raidou said slowly, looking like he was trying not to be angry. Then the anger came through anyway. "He slept with that other Raidou?"
"He thought it was you," she said, knowing that probably wouldn't help.
"That other Raidou slept with *my* Genma?"
She bit back several comments, then said, "But you're not gay, so that doesn't matter now, does it?" There was just a hint of sarcasm.
"But--it affects me!" Raidou yelled.
"Does it really?"
He pointed at the locked door. "Obviously!"
"Him not letting you in for a few days because of a bad breakup isn't anything new. Hasn't he been in other relationships?"
"Yes, and at the end of them he always *came* to me!"
"A one-night stand is not a relationship."
Raidou blanched. "So you're saying that his first *relationship* was with a me that wasn't me? That's--that's--that's not right!"
"'Cause it should've been you."
"Y--no! I--it shouldn't have been any Raidou!"
"Raidou," she said slowly, "he's in love with you. It's really blatantly, horribly, painfully obvious to everyone but you. Because you're a lovable pound cake made out of lead."
Raidou stared at the door. "He is not! He's my best friend!"
"He's in love with you and you could ask him but you know what he'd say? He'd probably say he wasn't because he's petrified that he'll lose you if he tells you the truth." And this time, she knew it--no guesses, because she'd *talked* to both of them.
"That's stupid! Genma's not afraid of anything!"
"He's afraid of losing you."
Raidou stared. "No he's--it's not--you should go home now," Raidou said firmly.
"You're in love with him, too," she added with a slight grin. "In case you haven't noticed."
"I'm *straight!*" he shouted.
"No, you're really not," Amiri said. "You're barely even bi. I don't think you are bi at all, actually. I mean, there's probably essays of material in you about how someone could grow up that gay and still think they're straight."
"I am *not*--"
Genma's door opened. "My upstairs neighbor just pounded through the floor that if you don't shut up he's going to our landlord. Would you two please *leave*?"
"Did you sleep with the other Raidou?" Raidou said accusingly.
Genma paled and looked at Amiri. Then he looked straight at Raidou, opened his mouth, apparently thought better, and slammed the door closed again.
"That was a yes, in case you were wondering."
"He sleeps with *everyone*!"
"You know what you should do," she said, turning and walking toward Kakashi's apartment, certain Raidou would follow. "You should kiss him."
"I'm not going to *kiss* him."
"You should, though. Have you ever kissed a boy before?"
He blushed dully. "Yes."
"Did you like it?"
"I was drunk," he answered.
"Do you remember liking it?" she repeated.
"I--I guess. It was a mouth. that was the most important part right then. And there was a girl there, so . . ."
"But you did kiss him. Were you thinking about the girl when you did that, or were you just enjoying the kiss?"
The blush grew. "I don't fucking remember," he mumbled. "It was *years* ago."
"Then you should kiss Genma."
He was mulishly silent.
"Okay, listen, "Amiri started. "I want you to think about all the couple-y things you've ever seen people do who are in love, and then I want you to think about all the things you and Genma have done with each other. If you get tickets to the show, who do you think of inviting first? Who does he invite? I don't think you're as stupid as you wish you were." They were nearing Kakashi's apartment; there was a light on in the window. "Think about things he does for you and then *don't* tell yourself, 'but he's my friend.' just think about what he does and then think about the next thing he did, instead of trying to rationalize it before it has a chance to sink in."
Raidou frowned at his feet. He scratched the back of his neck. "This is Kakashi's place," he said uselessly. "I--" he frowned again, and kicked at a pebble. "Hm," he humphed at last. "I should go. I have . . . Kakashi can make sure you're not abducted from here."
She nodded and rapped on the door. When it opened she was looking skyward again. "My feet are dirty," she said in lieu of a hello.
Because she wasn't looking, she didn't see what he did--just heard a half-muffled chuckle and then suddenly was *off* her feet as Kakashi picked her up, one arm under her knees and the other behind her back, carrying her across the apartment toward the bathroom.
He set her on the counter, keeping her feet lifted. "Can you swing over?" he asked cheerfully.
She could, and did, putting a big muddy footprint on the sink on the other side of the mirror. When she got down she wiped it up so he didn't have to look at it.
"Thank you," Kakashi signed, smiling.
She smiled, waved, gave a slight bow, and then left.
"Those people have problems," she informed Iruka, who was still busily grading papers.
"So d'you save the world?" Iruka asked, semi-sarcastically.
"I don't know, I guess I'll find out later. I'm gonna go home now."
*********************
