We take a moment to bring you...

The Great Bathroom Mirror Escapades, Volume Bow Chicka Bow Wooooow!
Yarr. Kinky.

Consider this a break before we get onto the next installment of Vol. 3 (which will be updated Monday). Heh.



The Great Bathroom Mirror Escapades
Volume Bow Chicka Bow Wooooow
Yarr. Kinky.

It had been one of those rare times when Kakashi had been left home alone for several days.

He got bored. So, he got a bowl of popcorn and plopped himself down in the bathroom, flipping through mirror channels and looking through porn.

Where was that one he'd stumbled on with Anko and Iruka . . .?

He found it eventually, and knew they were having sex. He could see pants with no owner. But they weren't having sex on the bed below their mirror, so he couldn't see it. That was no fun.

He changed the channel. He flipped quickly past the turtles, where there were fifty of them now staring--faintly, he made out, "Hail the Honorable Rival! Hail hail! He has come!" He flicked past. That was just a little much, for any time of day or night--or dusk or dawn, or any other time, really.

Though it did give him a good idea for the next time it was his turn to pick one of Gai's stupid challenges . . .

He flipped past a whole block of things where he was the interdimensional whore. Those were boring. He didn't really need to see how many different things he could have shoved up his ass.

Now if only he could find Iruka-whoring dimensions, that would be better . . . There had to be some, somewhere.

A frilly, lacy curtain appeared, and he flipped past *fast* before Orochimaru or Jiraiya could come out.

And found a nicely decorated room. It wasn’t a bathroom, which was slightly bizarre, because he'd thought they were all bathrooms at some point. Everything was swaying slightly back and forth, and decorated very swankly.

Lots of silk. Lots of gold. A whole lot of tack. A *whole* lot of tack. Waaaay too much tack. There actually appeared to be some sort of shimmering metallic net over the mirror. All in all, it looked like a *really* expensive love hotel. He wondered why everything was swaying.

Through the shimmering net, he saw someone enter. Someone short and blond with spiky hair. The blond was followed with a taller, slimmer blond man and a short redhead with a heart-shaped tattoo on his forehead.

Oh, he knew that short blond. No fun sex things were going to happen with a strange version of Naruto.

"Go on, Racoon! Go on, Bloom!" Naruto called, and Bloom and Raccoon left. Kakashi was about to change the channel when Iruka wandered in wearing really tight leather pants. Maybe things were looking up--though he really hoped it wasn't pedophiliac sex again, because he didn't have a way to get through and kill this one.

But, nope! Naruto was leaving. That was a good sign. Ohhh, that was a good sign. Now, he just needed whoever was banging this little Iruka to be hot, and the show could begin.

The Iruka sat down on the oversized bed and fidgeted. He attempted to look comfortable . . . and then fidgeted some more. Then he attempted a sultry pose--and gave up on that, too. Kakashi laughed at him. The Iruka finally settled on a fairly slouched position that Kakashi was certain was meant to be a sensual sprawl--it wasn't, but he was trying--when the door opened.

The Iruka hopped up. Then attempted to sprawl back in place. That didn't work, either; it looked more like he'd tripped. Apparently the Kakashi--who was wearing an absolutely ridiculous costume that this Kakashi didn't care for--thought so as well, because he darted over to help (which was where he should be).

"Oh, no, Dread Pirate!" the Iruka said--and, well, Kakashi couldn't hear him but he could almost imagine the feminine, piping tone. "I'm fine!"

The Dread Pirate. Tee hee hee hee hee. Finally! He'd found the soap opera channel! He'd known there was one in there! If Gai got a dimension of turtles, then he had to have some special porn station to himself!

"Yarryou sure, Dolphin?"

Kakashi cackled. Ohhh, that was hilarious. He hoped his Iruka wasn't too pissed off when he told him about the Dolphin-Iruka sex fiend he'd found. Not that sex had happened yet, but it was going to happen. It was utterly inevitable even without the throbbing bass line of porn.

"I wanted to thank you, but I wasn't sure how," Dolphin piped.

"Arg, no thanks are needed, Dolphin, for a lovely creature like you . . ." Dread Pirate smarmed. "Savvy?"

"Oh, but . . . but I want to." Dolphin started blushing and stood.

Kakashi just laughed harder.

The Dread Pirate stepped closer, smiling. "Well, Dolphin . . . if you really want to . . ." he reached out, stroked over Dolphin's shoulder, grabbed a fistful of cloth… and pulled.

Everything came off. Shirt, pants, shoes, socks--even the hairtie. Yet somehow, a condom remained. In place. Correctly.

"I need that jutsu!" Kakashi yelled. That was it. He was going to watch the rest without the hitai-ate on--sit there, and record.

"Ahh!" Dolphin 'ahh'ed, covering his face.

As if that was what needed covering.

"Bow chicka bow wooow," Kakashi cheered.

"I don't want to push you, Dolphin," Dread Pirate said, pushing Dolphin back toward the bed. "If you're not ready . . . " And then he groped Dolphin.

Dolphin touched timidly at the waistband of the Dread Pirate's pants. The entire front section just popped off, flying across the room. It knocked off a vase, but no one seemed to notice. Where the rose petals on the bed came from, Kakashi would never know.

Damn. Pop-away flies. Why hadn't *Kakashi* thought of that?

"I . . . I've never done this before!" Dolphin said.

"Yarararagh!" the Dread Pirate chuckled.

And yet, Kakashi couldn't help but notice, he sucked like a pro. Played with the balls and everything!

And then Iruka came in.

**

Option J:

". . . the hell are you watching?" Iruka asked, frowning at the shapes moving across the mirror. Actually, he was pretty sure he *knew* what Kakashi was watching.

Kakashi popped more popcorn into his mouth. "Pirate porn," he said happily. "That's Dolphin, and apparently he's "thanking" Dread Pirate--"

"You're kidding," Iruka said disbelievingly.

"No! I'm not!" Kakashi said cheerfully.

"No, I mean, you're not really sitting here *watching* this." He really hoped not. Because--well--crap. That made all the girly Irukas look . . . well, not *better*, exactly . . . Damn it! Why couldn't Kakashi find the dimensions where *Iruka* was butch?

Kakashi smiled. He did notice that Iruka hadn't looked away once. "You know, we could get you some leather pants . . ." He thought he might be able to rig that tearing-them-right-off thing, too!

Iruka glared. Then looked back at the mirror.

"I'd buy them," Kakashi offered.

Iruka rubbed his eyes. "Good gods. I--I--The Dread Pirate?"

"Yeah!" Kakashi said gleefully.

"I don't know what the hell to do with you anymore," Iruka muttered, and left.

Kakashi considered that for a moment. He had some ideas. More ideas, now. He headed off after Iruka.

The guy hadn't protested *too* much. Surely that meant horny, right? Riiiiiight.

**

Option M:

"What the hell are you watching?" Iruka asked.

"It is the Best. Thing. Ever," Kakashi said. "I've learned like, six new sex jutsus just sitting here. I don't know if I'm ever going to use the magical self-lubricating anus jutsu, but I'm investing in popaway flies for all of my pants!"

". . . what?" Iruka said, pushing Kakashi over and sitting next to him, half on his lap. ". . . whoa."

"This is like their tenth round. They're like bunny rabbits! They've been at this all afternoon. Apparently Dolphin has a loooot to thank him for."

"His name's Dolphin," Iruka said in mild disbelief.

"Uh huh. And thaaaat is the Dread Pirate. I'm pretty sure it's Scarecrow. It's what Dolphin seems to be moaning. I mean, phonetically, he seems to be going, "Scarecro-oh-ah-ahhh! But it probably means Scarecrow."

"Ah. And, uh, what are you--I mean, what's the Dread Pirate saying in there?"

"Oh. I'm kind of ignoring him. He almost talks like Gai. A lot of 'you are so hot and tight and I love you!' and blah blah blah, yarr. You know, what you'd expect from B-pirate porn."

"Ahhh." Iruka shifted slightly. "Damn pants and their chafingness and being too tight and--damn. Is he like, flexing his ass cheeks?"

"Oh, you should've seen his pecs going earlier. It was funny. This is the funniest damn thing ever--it's like, comedic porn. Why has no one ever thought about this before?"

"I dunno," Iruka shrugged. "God, we really need to figure out a way to hear what's going on on the other side."

"It's not like it's too hard to figure out. I mean, like right now--'Ah! Ah! Ah! Deeper, deeper, deeper, take me Dread Pirate!'" he squeaked.

Iruka laughed. "Yeah, that looks like it should be what he's saying. What do you think the other guy's saying? 'Yes, my sweet little sea mammal! I shall!'" Iruka said in a deep voice.

They laughed and proceeded to give lines to the alternate duo for about ten minutes before they got too horny to really focus properly on the show.

Everyone lived happily ever after.
Until the next volume.
The End

The Authors of this story, JBMcDragon and MessyPeaches, would like to give their heartfelt apologies to the authors of a *coughs* familiar piece of work, HMS Paradise.

Sorry, Winter! Sorry, Kiki! Mwah! You know you still love us! :D Yar.

...Somebody needs to draw Kakashi yelling 'Bow chicka bow woooow!' Because Momo really wants to see that.
She also wants to see Ibiki fanart. Because he needs more love. Even if he has nothing to do with his volume.

And while we're at it, JB would like some fanart of Genma leaning back while peeing to see through the mirror, and TKM Genma dancing in underwear and socks, with his bandana on. Singing about sex. Heh. But you don't know why. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


We leave you with this last note (okay, so it's more like, three words...):
Bow chicka bow wooooow.
May this warm your nights. *snerks*

JB and Momo