JBMcDragon (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} jbmcdragon) wrote,@ 2006-10-14 18:23:00 |
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Soooo much crack...
We love you.
--JB and Momo
Title: The Great Bathroom Mirror Escapades, Vol. 3
In Which Raidou Gets A Talking-To About His Sexuality, and Genma is Quite Put Out
Authors: MessyPeaches and JBMcDragon
Status: Complete, much to be posted.
Rating: Er. There's one chapter that's like, hard R/soft NC-17. R overall for language.
Summary: Following in the footsteps of Volume 1 and Volume 2, shit happens. Momo and JB laugh.
Volume 3, Chapter 1
Vol 3, Chapter 2
Vol 3, Chapter 3
Vol 3, Chapter 4
Vol 3, Chapter 5
Vol 3, Chapter 6
JB and Momo
Chapter Seven
Genma was gone. Raidou wandered around the other man's apartment, bagel in one hand and a slice of leftover pizza in the other. The pizza only lasted three bites. He peered at all the photos, and poked through the medicine cabinet. Then he wandered some more, randomly opening doors he didn't know.
A water heater.
A coat closet with a funky hinge. He closed it, opened it the other way.
A--
Whoa. He blinked and stared at the two ANBU masks. Those hadn't been there a minute ago. He poked his head inside, and realized it opened into a different compartment.
With ANBU masks.
"Huh," Raidou said, bending down to pick one up. He stepped away from the shadowy closet, into the light where he could see. "Wild."
Genma heard him, leaned in from the hall. "Oh, you found that, huh?" He grinned crookedly. "Got a different mask there or what?" He had no idea he'd effectively snuck up on the man.
Embarrassingly, Raidou yelped and fumbled the mask, clutching it to his chest to keep from dropping it, and belatedly hoping it didn't have some sort of guarding jutsu on it. "Ah--Genma! I--sorry. It was just--" He stopped. "What do you mean, 'got a different mask there'?"
"That's Raidou's mask." Genma took it from him, looked at it like it might give him an answer. "The other one's mine. It's okay, I took most of the defensive jutsus off when you got here." He held the mask to his chest, used his other hand to flick on a light in the closet. The yellow electric glow reflected off a dazzling array of sharp things. "Lot of the senbon and kunai are poisoned though. Be careful."
Raidou hesitated, then stepped closer. "Wow. So--you're *both* ANBU?" he glanced at Genma. He'd been there for two weeks, now, and the guy didn't *seem* crazy.
"Yeah, but that's normal, right?" Genma asked with a shrug.
"Uh, no," Raidou laughed. "*I'm* not ANBU." He hesitated. His Genma had been ANBU, once, but didn't talk about it. Lied about it, in fact, if asked. But Raidou had seen the tattoo. He wondered if it counted as telling if he was telling Genma's other self, and finally decided it did. "And Genma's not ANBU, either," he said.
This Genma gave him an odd look, but decided not to press.
"The only guy I know who's an ANBU is Kakashi . . ." He thought for a moment. "And Ibiki, of course. I heard a rumor that Asuma might be trying for it . . ." He snorted a laugh. "You almost have to be on the red list already to qualify, and I'd rather not be that insane."
Genma looked at him oddly. "Actually, ANBU have the strictest psychiatric qualification trials."
"Yeah. And they're insane, but not likely to blow up at their teammates," Raidou said back. Then he shrugged. "At least in my world."
"Did you have a Hayate in your world?" Genma asked curiously.
"Yeah," Raidou said, smile gone. "Died not to long ago. Miss him."
"He was ANBU, right?"
"*Hayate*?" Raidou asked. "No! He was working toward a specialty but he really wasn't ANBU . . . He was like, a sweetie. He got Iruka into our little camping outings."
"Ah, he was a sweetie in this world," Genma said, as if surprised Raidou might imply he wasn't.
"ANBU aren't generally sweeties, in my experience," Raidou said quietly, glancing back at the closet. He picked up a vial of something opaque and didn't shake it. "What is all this stuff?"
"That particular one is actually a virus," Genma said cautiously. "Really refined smallpox. I didn't actually breed that strand, I had to buy it. I do mostly toxins and . . . please don't drop that. I've had my shots, I don't know if you've had yours."
Raidou put it back carefully and quickly. "Man. You *breed* diseases?"
"No. I just said I don't."
"You said you didn't do *that one*, which implies you do others."
"None of the living viruses or bacteria in those tubes are things I made, I just have them. But most of those are poisons or extracted from various animals and plants. Sea-life."
"Huh." Raidou decided the wiser course of action was to poke through the costuming junk. "Do you have one of those oh-so-unsubtle 'we're undercover' cloaks?"
"No, I have normal clothes for when we're undercover. I mean, I've got some stuff loose enough to go over my armor, if that's what you mean."
"No--like, the ANBU in my world wear these stupid cloaks that are supposed to make them more inconspicuous at public events and whatnot," Raidou said, glancing over the ANBU outfit.
"I have a big cloak, but it's mostly for if we're going to be standing around and it's cold," Genma said in a 'duh' tone of voice.
Raidou nodded. "Huh." He glanced over. And grinned. "You're all like, tattooed and shit?"
Genma just nodded.
Raidou's grin widened. "Can I see?"
Genma just unbuttoned his shirt and just let it slide off one shoulder.
Raidou rarely got to see his Genma's, and the other man liked to pretend it didn't exist at all. Raidou started to trace it *this* Genma's tattoo, then stopped and pulled his hand back. He was used to touching Genma--he *liked* touching--but he was trying not to touch *this* Genma, since this Genma seemed more sensitive about it. "Cool," he said on a dopey smile. "How long have you been ANBU?"
"Since I was twenty," Genma answered.
Raidou started to trace it *again* and pulled back, leaning against the wall. "That's a long time," he said slowly. "We've got a limit on our ANBU. Like, three years or something." He didn't know that for a fact, but he thought he'd heard something about it. It was entirely possible that was an urban legend that stayed alive to make people feel safer.
"It's more of a rank than a squad. There's active ANBU who only take ANBU missions, and there's ANBU like me who've done our ANBU missions and now we're qualified to just take our A, B and S ranks."
"Well, it's a rank in my world, too," Raidou said. "Like, Kakashi's still considered ANBU, though I believe they keep him in reserve. But no one *refers* to him as ANBU, and most of the ANBU keep the fact that they are secret. Ibiki's rule. Something about security."
Genma shrugged. "Well, you've already met my Ibiki. Does he really seem like he'd be that picky about people's private lives?"
"No," Raidou said. "Man, I'd like to take you Ibiki home . . . he's so much better than ours. Ours is like . . ." He frowned, thinking. "Well, he's told ninja before that they *can't* get counseling because the chakra patterns they're throwing out might be useful . . ."
"Ah. My Ibiki once dragged me into counseling. Physically. By like, the ankle."
Raidou laughed. "That must be a Genma thing," he said wryly. "Only I dragged mine in by the hair . . ." He grinned, teasing. Only, not really.
"Mine really doesn't pull my hair," Genma said thoughtfully.
"Ah, he has the greatest reaction when I do, though," Raidou laughed.
Someone rapped at the front door. Raidou stepped away, waiting for Genma to stop hugging Raidou's ANBU mask--even he could see what that was--and closed the closet door.
The pounding started again.
Raidou decided he'd been living there long enough to answer the damn door. He pulled it open, and saw Iruka and Kakashi. "Hi," he said, glancing from one to the other.
"It's working. Grab your things, let's go," Iruka said quickly.
"It's working? The *mirror*?" Raidou asked, suddenly excited. He turned to get his stuff, then realized he didn't have any. He turned back and stepped outside. "I can go home?"
"We don't know yet. But it's doing things! Come look!"
"Doing things?" Raidou asked warily. "Like, things like taking me *home*, right?"
"Um . . ." Iruka half stalled. "Well, we haven't seen *your* home yet . . . I mean, it's showing . . . places. But, if we poke it long enough!" He shrugged. "Either way you *have* to come see this."
Raidou closed the front door behind Genma and followed Iruka and Kakashi down the street. "I take it it's entertaining?" he asked, crestfallen that he couldn't go home yet, but trying to be happy since they seemed so excited.
"Some of them are scary," Iruka said. "Kakashi's an interdimensional whore."
"I think it's proof of my innate sexuality. Ten-thousand universes can't be wrong," Kakashi said smugly.
"Wow. You really are just as conceited here as you are there," Raidou said in awe.
Iruka laughed, nodding. "Yeah, well, not surprising." He didn't sound like he minded.
Raidou grinned, glancing at Iruka. He was cute. Maybe it was an Iruka thing.
It didn't take them long to get to Iruka's apartment, and the four of them trooped inside, crammed into the bathroom.
"It looks . . . normal . . ." Genma said slowly.
"Aww, fuck, did they leave?" Iruka swore, leaning on the counter. "It was like, there were tentacles. And, and stuff. And it was . . . I had a hard time figuring it out but I was pretty certain that it was Kotetsu and Izumo. Somewhere."
"I think I read that somewhere," Raidou said blandly. "Are you serious? *tentacles*?" he looked in the mirror.
It *looked* like the right bathroom . . . Almost . . .
"There's something in the tub . . ." Genma said, finally. "And . . . i don't think they're taking a bath."
The bathroom door opened. It was Kakashi. Naked. Wearing a leather butchers apron and dragging something. He dropped a few heads into the sink.
Ororchimaru's blank yellow eyes looked up at them.
"AH!" Raidou yelled.
The Kakashi looked at them, then tossed the other heads into the tub.
"That--that--that's Jiraiya!" Raidou yelled, point. "AH!
"Change stations!" Kakashi half yelped. Except that Kakashi never yelped. "if I touch the glass he might be *here*."
Iruka leaned forward and flicked the glass quickly.
. . .
"A field. Why is the mirror in a field?"
A turtle looked up at them. Then it spoke. Loudly. So loudly that the mirror vibrated, and they could faintly hear, "Welcome, tired travelers! Do not give up! it is the Springtime of your Youth and you can succeed if you just try you hardest!"
"Eternal Rival?" another turtle bellowed.
"Oh, gods. Change it," Raidou whimpered.
"I . . . did he train them?" Kakashi said, confused.
"Maybe he became them," Raidou said slowly.
"I--I think I see his face on the mountain . . ." Iruka said, in slow horror. "With a turtle . . . maybe . . . Offspring?"
"Chaaanging stations now," Kakashi declared.
It went back to a bathroom, which Raidou thought would be better until he saw the slug and the frog in the bathtub. "What--" he started.
Kakashi and Iruka just glanced, unimpressed, before Iruka flicked it again.
"Damn. It's starting to repeat . . ." Iruka grumbled. "Did we see this one?"
"My turn," Raidou said, and reached out to flick it.
It went reflective.
"Huh?" Raidou said eloquently. "Uh. Did I break it?"
They all stared at their true selves.
"Well, damn," Raidou murmured.
**
Genma was getting more and more suspicious. They'd gone past the hospital, and past Ibiki's office, and long past ANBU headquarters. He really wanted to ask what was going on, but he suspected Ibiki really would sic Kakashi on him.
The Iruka he was pretty sure *wasn't* a delusion--other people had glanced at him--was still walking on one side and just behind him, a hand on his shoulder. The not-Raidou was walking beside him, and Genma had slowly relaxed and shifted closer again until their sides were brushing.
If it was a delusion, it was an awfully nice delusion, and he was going to take advantage of it because, damn it, it made him feel better.
Raidou let his hand shift, rubbing Genma's shoulder. "You okay?" Very softly.
Genma glanced at Ibiki. "Where are we going?" he murmured, barely even breathing the words.
"You'll see. It'll be all right, all right?" Raidou kept his voice low, but only to be soothing.
Genma sighed and leaned into Raidou's shoulder, enjoying the arm around his. "Great," he muttered.
Ibiki looked sharply over his shoulder.
Genma sighed in irritation.
Ibiki kept leading the way, right up to an apartment building. "Kakashi?"
Kakashi hesitated. "Who's coming in?" he asked, standing at the door to his apartment.
"I got him here," Ibiki said. "You explain it. They're going in."
"I'm so fucking confused," Genma said, eyes shifting between people. But at least he wasn't feeling quite like so much shit anymore. Kakashi let Genma, Raidou and Iruka into the apartment, looking edgy the whole while.
"Would you like me to explain, Genma, or would you like to her it from Iruka?" Raidou asked, softly, leading him inside and sitting him down at the kitchen table.
Kakashi bolted inside, grabbed two photos off a shelf about the futon--aside from the bathroom and kitchen, the apartment was only one room--and shoved them into a drawer. He slammed it shut.
Genma jumped at the noise. "Relax," he muttered. "Explain what?"
"Call me if you need something," Ibiki growled, and left.
Genma watched, anger starting to boil. "I'm not delusional, am I?" he asked slowly, glaring at the door.
"No," Iruka said. "Sorry about that."
"I'm going to fucking *kill* him."
"Genma," Iruka said again, catching his attention.
Genma winced. He didn't want to know what was going on. From the way everyone was acting--waaaaaay too nicely, except Kakashi who was still shoving things in drawers and fussing with the closet--he wasn't going to like it.
"I wasn't lying. Earlier today. When you freaked out and ran." Raidou started, rubbing the back of his head. "And I meant the loveable part. But the rest was a lie."
"You just said you weren't lying," Genma said, frowning.
"He's not our Raidou. That's the lie," Iruka clarified.
Genma went very very still. "I don't understand."
"This is stupid," Kakashi muttered, and grabbed the collar of Genma's vest, hauling him to his feet. "Come see my mirror." He dragged Genma into the bathroom and stood him there.
Genma stared at a Tsunade rather than his reflection. She was naked. And dancing.
"those look really painful bouncing like that, don't they?" Kakashi said conversationally.
Genma kept staring. "I--how--what the fuck?!"
"Can . . . can I get a picture of this for my Genma?" Raidou asked. Unfortunately Tsunade-in-the-mirror jiggled her curvy form out of their line of sight before Kakashi could get back. Iruka blocking his way might have had something to do with it.
"Change the damn channel," Iruka snapped. "And no pictures of naked people!"
Genma was getting it. He really didn't want it, but he was getting it. He started to back slowly out of the bathroom, really hoping they were still distracted by images of dancing Tsunade.
A Raidou. He'd gotten what he wanted, and it was *a* Raidou. Not his Raidou. And--this was somehow worse. He had to leave. Right then.
Raidou caught his arm as he started to bolt. "Wait, Genma. Please."
"Don't, don't--don't--" Genma said, yanking his arm away and lifting both hands defensively. "Just--don't touch." He was breaking, he could feel something inside just cracking and if Raidou *touched* him--and everything had been so perfect for the last two weeks and now he was going to lose everything, and if Raidou touched him he was going to shatter.
"Please," Raidou repeated. "I'm sorry."
Iruka stood in the bathroom, trying to keep Kakashi from shoving them both out the front door. "Just *give* them a minute," he hissed.
"But they know what happened. They can leave now," Kakashi hissed back.
Iruka punched him.
Kakashi 'umphed' and subsided.
Genma, unaware of the furious conversation going on in the bathroom, stared at Raidou. "You're sorry," he said softly. "You're *sorry?* You--you fucking--" he realized he couldn't stand there and stay sane. He was either going to be livid or he could dissolve, and damn it, he wasn't going to dissolve over this. He tried to breathe. Anger. He could be angry, couldn't he? "You fucking--" 'fucked me,' he wanted to say, but he wasn't going to. "You're gay!" His voice broke. He tried to ignore it and remember to breathe. He reminded himself he was angry. He was having problems remembering that. He could feel tears prickling at the back of his eyes, and he'd be fucked all over again before he cried *here.*
"Yeah. Sorry." Sorry your Raidou isn't. Sorry you are. Sorry I let you get the two confused. "Need to hit me?"
It was so exactly what he wanted to do that it startled him. So instead he grabbed the front of Raidou's shirt, intent on hurling him somewhere--
and realized he couldn't. He stared at the scarless collarbone exposed by the pull on the Jounin's shirt and focused on breathing.
He'd dealt with painful things. He would deal with this. he could--just--breathe.
Raidou put his arms around Genma's shoulders before the other man could pull away. he'd already seen the intent to do damage fade.
Genma flinched, but didn't draw back. he stood there, carefully still, and watched the collarbone. "you--you--" he stopped and swallowed. "you have a Genma, don't you?" He dropped to a mutter and continued, "Knew that was too fucking good."
"I'm married," Raidou said.
Genma started to laugh and stopped it. "of course." he leaned forward, resting his forehead against Raidou's shoulder and closing his eyes. "Of course," he murmured again. "Don't tell my Raidou. Please, please don't tell my Raidou."
"You should tell him someday. I mean, if he hasn't figured it out by now . . . you're not very subtle."
"And so if he hasn't figured it out by now," Genma said slowly, "he doesn't want to. Don't tell him?"
"Do you know why we switched places in the first place? Genma decided he wanted a face-to-face in an attempt to get your Raidou to realize he was gay."
Genma took a deep breath. He pushed away slightly, but didn't let go of the man's shirt. "Great. If he comes back gay, I'll work with it. Otherwise, don't tell him."
"I don't want you to self destruct over this."
"Right," Genma said flatly. "I'm lovable."
"I think so."
Genma winced. "Look, I'm . . . I'm just going to . . . go. Okay? I'm gonna leave and . . . I should feed my cat." He let go of Raidou's shirt, shifting back.
Raidou put his hand against Genma's neck. "Apparently I'm just going to be on the other side of the glass, if there's anything you need. If you ever want to talk . . . I mean, I guess he sends letters through all the time," he said, gesturing at Kakashi. "Can you write me at least one?"
Genma shook his head slowly. "You know . . . I think I should just go. Really." Before he broke down and begged this Raidou to stay, because--
Except it wasn't the Raidou he'd known since childhood.
"I--fuck." He scrubbed a hand across his face. "I'll be fine. I'll be--" he glared up. "Why did you *do* that? You could have just shoved me off, and--and--" He stuttered to a halt. "Why did you *encourage* me? Obviously you weren't doing it for fun--"
"Because you were smart enough to figure it out on your own if I didn't distract you," Raidou said.
Genma laughed bitterly. "Ah. Makes sense. And it only took me a fucking *week,*" he muttered.
"It's understandable. I am Raidou, I'm just not *your* Raidou." He figured Genma never needed to find out that Kakashi had realized Iruka wasn't Iruka within the first thirty seconds. "The differences wouldn't have been obvious."
Genma didn't say anything. He knew that most of the reason was that he'd *wanted* it so damn badly. he glanced up, at Iruka and Kakashi trying not to hover in the bathroom doorway. "You need to go home," he said finally, "and I'm going to go home, and we can all just . . . go home." He needed a drink.
A big one.
Maybe out of a vase.
"All right." Raidou finally let go of him and stepped back. "Take care of yourself."
Genma nodded and fled.
"We have a problem," Kakashi said, coming out of the bathroom and glancing sharply around his apartment. It didn't *look* like anything had been touched . . .
"Okay, what's the problem?" Raidou asked. "Besides the fact that, you know, the mirror is not actually showing me anything I care about."
Kakashi considered it. "Tsunade's been joined by Shizune," he said, just to tempt Raidou. Assuming, of course, he liked girls at *all.*
"That's not a problem, that's a lifestyle choice," Raidou answered.
"No--something you car--"
Iruka elbowed Kakashi out of the way. "We can't seem to find your universe," he said, nearly cringing. "We can flip universes, but yours hasn't come up . . ."
Raidou sighed and looked at the mirror. "Well, show me how to make it change and I'll stand here and look."
"Wait--in my bathroom?" Kakashi asked. They ignored him.
Iruka reached out and flicked the mirror. It changed to Iruka taking it from Anko's dildo. "Damn it," he muttered, and flicked it again.
"Wait, what was that? That looked close!" Raidou lied.
"It was *not* close!" Iruka snapped. "We're *not* going back to it!"
"I'll show you how to go back later," Kakashi murmured.
"Thanks. Did you find that camera yet?"
"You're *both* perverts," Iruka snapped.
Kakashi beamed. "I'll get one."
"So how do you flick it? Like this?" Raidou asked, doing it. Nothing happened.
"No, no, you gotta have your hand the other way," Iruka said.
Raidou tried again. It flicked.
A scrawny looking blond scrubbing at his face in a towel standing in a decently clean bathroom appeared.
Kakashi went pale. "That's--is that--" he began, pointing.
The towel got tossed to one side and bright blue eyes were suddenly staring back at him, looking horribly confused. Although in the case of this particular person, Iruka was willing to bet that confused was a constant state. "It's Naruto," he said to Kakashi. "Just, older."
Kakashi relaxed.
"Flick it again," Iruka said. "Wrong mirror."
Naruto stared at them for a few seconds, then just as Iruka's finger was starting to come up, he raised his hands in a frantic wait-wait gesture. "Stop stop stop!" he was mouthing.
Iruka frowned. "What?" he wrote on his pad of paper. He was pretty sure that no matter what universe they were looking at, Naruto had still failed signing.
Naruto spent several long moments trying to sign, though. Whatever he was attempting would never be known, because Iruka's guess was right.
"We can read your lips," Iruka wrote, "just talk slowly."
"Stand - there - I'm - gonna - get - Sakura," Naruto said painfully slow--so slow it was actually *hard* to read his lips.
Iruka sighed and started to write, 'not that slow, you little retard,' but then thought it was too impolite. He wrote it out, ripped it off, and threw it away.
Just like grading papers. "Why's he getting *Sakura?*" Iruka asked after a minute.
"And was that the Uchiha crest on his boxers?" Kakashi asked slowly.
"If it was, we probably have the right universe," Raidou said.
"But he was going to get *Sakura*,' Iruka pointed out.
"Exactly!"
Kakashi stared. "You have to explain."
Just then, Sakura walked in wearing nothing but a shirt. Sasuke's shirt. It was long enough to cover everything, like a nightgown, but still. The collar looked odd on her.
"She's going to be quite . . . womanly when she gets older, isn't she?" Kakashi asked curiously.
Iruka rubbed his eyes and tried not to look at Legs. It was a bitch, being the only bi man in the room.
"Hi!" Sakura signed. "Do you have our Raidou?"
"Hi, Sakura!" Raidou signed back.
"Is Sasuke there?" Kakashi signed curiously.
"He's still asleep," Sakura answered.
Kakashi glanced at Iruka, who was quietly trying not to imagine his students in a three way. "Huh," Kakashi signed. "I think your former sensei's trying not to have a breakdown," he added, amused.
"Fuck off," Iruka muttered.
Naruto came back in with a bowl of cereal. "They should be here eventually. I sent a toad," he said, proudly.
"that little one?" Kakashi asked slowly. It was all their Naruto could manage, from the reports he got occasionally from Jiraiya.
"Well, he's the only one who knows his way around the town."
Kakashi glanced at Raidou. "This might take awhile."
"He knows were all the food stalls are, but it might take him awhile to find Iruka's house," Naruto added.
Kakashi sighed.
Another figure began to stagger in, and Kakashi recognized it as Sasuke--naked, tired, groggy Sasuke--before Sakura shoved him back out. "You need pants!" she shouted.
"I need to pee!" he whined back. "And--what the *hell* happened to our mirror?"
"Underwear. I beg of him, underwear," Iruka muttered, head ducked and eyes covered.
Sasuke vanished and reappeared a moment later wearing Naruto's orange pants.
"That's almost worse," Kakashi said. "You think he still needs to piss? He's not looking at the toilet . . ."
Sasuke signed back, "I figured something else out."
"Did you remember which bottle you used this time? Because that was an unpleasant surprise last time," Naruto said.
Kakashi winced. "If they come over here, I'm killing them," he muttered. "With bleach."
"you'll disinfect them to death?" Iruka laughed.
"Yes," Kakashi said, completely serious.
"There's not enough bleach in the world," Sakura said with a shrug. "I've tried. I've settled for just taking on the sentient colonies of mold."
Kakashi twitched. "I have to go clean out the refrigerator now," he said, and left.
"I was told that he had problems," Sakura signed with a nod. "How's your vacation been, Raidou?"
"I think I've caused irreversible psychological damage to some of the inhabitants here," he said. "How's the other me doing?"
"He's nice. Kinda slow," Sakura signed.
"He eats more than I do!" Naruto said.
"That sounds like Raidou," Iruka agreed.
"Does not," Raidou grumbled.
"Does ours. People run when they see him walk into a restaurant."
Another Raidou along with an Iruka shoved into the other bathroom, Raidou smeared with dirt. "It's working? Here? guys!" he said, grinning hugely. "Oh, man, Iruka, I've never been so happy to see your goofy little ponytail!"
"Heyy . . ." said Iruka, and "HEY!" said the Iruka in the mirror.
The Naruto-side Raidou shrugged. it jostled Naruto, who nearly fell into the bathtub. He let himself fall presumably when he realized that from there, he could look up Sakura's shirt!
"Okay, I want to go home," the guilty-feeling Raidou said, reaching across the sink and flattening a hand against the glass.
Both Raidous touched it, and suddenly the normal Raidou was back. Iruka helped him to his feet. "Kakashi's cleaning the fridge," he said.
In the mirror, the other Genma came flying into the bathroom and tackled his Raidou.
". . . whoa," dorky-Raidou said, watching.
"We need to go home right now and--" Genma began.
In the world were the flustered and Genma-free Raidou was, they watched as the mirror flickered suddenly and went back to the other Iruka's mirror.
"Thank the gods that Sakura is gone," Iruka breathed.
Raidou looked at him curiously.
Iruka began to blush. "She had legs," he ground out between his teeth, "and the fact that she was attractive was freaking me out a little."
"It's just Sakura," Raidou said, laughing.
Iruka stared at him.
From the kitchen, Kakashi yelled, "You are *so* gay. Get out of my apartment."
Raidou opened his mouth to argue that he wasn't gay, he had a daughter--and remembered what Amiri had said. He left quietly.
In the world of the reunited Genma and Raidou, Genma continued, "--and are you okay and--"
"Hi. It's really good to see you, I slept with your alternate self," Raidou said first thing.
". . . Oh. Did you have to?" Genma asked.
"Well . . . yeah. I kind of needed to distract him somehow."
"Oh. Did it work?"
"Well . . . until I started feeling guilty about, you know, ruining his life."
"Him. Was he better?" Genma asked after a minute.
"No," Raidou said in an 'obviously not,' tone. "Nobody's better than you."
"Good answer."
************************
We love you.
--JB and Momo
Title: The Great Bathroom Mirror Escapades, Vol. 3
In Which Raidou Gets A Talking-To About His Sexuality, and Genma is Quite Put Out
Authors: MessyPeaches and JBMcDragon
Status: Complete, much to be posted.
Rating: Er. There's one chapter that's like, hard R/soft NC-17. R overall for language.
Summary: Following in the footsteps of Volume 1 and Volume 2, shit happens. Momo and JB laugh.
Volume 3, Chapter 1
Vol 3, Chapter 2
Vol 3, Chapter 3
Vol 3, Chapter 4
Vol 3, Chapter 5
Vol 3, Chapter 6
JB and Momo
Chapter Seven
Genma was gone. Raidou wandered around the other man's apartment, bagel in one hand and a slice of leftover pizza in the other. The pizza only lasted three bites. He peered at all the photos, and poked through the medicine cabinet. Then he wandered some more, randomly opening doors he didn't know.
A water heater.
A coat closet with a funky hinge. He closed it, opened it the other way.
A--
Whoa. He blinked and stared at the two ANBU masks. Those hadn't been there a minute ago. He poked his head inside, and realized it opened into a different compartment.
With ANBU masks.
"Huh," Raidou said, bending down to pick one up. He stepped away from the shadowy closet, into the light where he could see. "Wild."
Genma heard him, leaned in from the hall. "Oh, you found that, huh?" He grinned crookedly. "Got a different mask there or what?" He had no idea he'd effectively snuck up on the man.
Embarrassingly, Raidou yelped and fumbled the mask, clutching it to his chest to keep from dropping it, and belatedly hoping it didn't have some sort of guarding jutsu on it. "Ah--Genma! I--sorry. It was just--" He stopped. "What do you mean, 'got a different mask there'?"
"That's Raidou's mask." Genma took it from him, looked at it like it might give him an answer. "The other one's mine. It's okay, I took most of the defensive jutsus off when you got here." He held the mask to his chest, used his other hand to flick on a light in the closet. The yellow electric glow reflected off a dazzling array of sharp things. "Lot of the senbon and kunai are poisoned though. Be careful."
Raidou hesitated, then stepped closer. "Wow. So--you're *both* ANBU?" he glanced at Genma. He'd been there for two weeks, now, and the guy didn't *seem* crazy.
"Yeah, but that's normal, right?" Genma asked with a shrug.
"Uh, no," Raidou laughed. "*I'm* not ANBU." He hesitated. His Genma had been ANBU, once, but didn't talk about it. Lied about it, in fact, if asked. But Raidou had seen the tattoo. He wondered if it counted as telling if he was telling Genma's other self, and finally decided it did. "And Genma's not ANBU, either," he said.
This Genma gave him an odd look, but decided not to press.
"The only guy I know who's an ANBU is Kakashi . . ." He thought for a moment. "And Ibiki, of course. I heard a rumor that Asuma might be trying for it . . ." He snorted a laugh. "You almost have to be on the red list already to qualify, and I'd rather not be that insane."
Genma looked at him oddly. "Actually, ANBU have the strictest psychiatric qualification trials."
"Yeah. And they're insane, but not likely to blow up at their teammates," Raidou said back. Then he shrugged. "At least in my world."
"Did you have a Hayate in your world?" Genma asked curiously.
"Yeah," Raidou said, smile gone. "Died not to long ago. Miss him."
"He was ANBU, right?"
"*Hayate*?" Raidou asked. "No! He was working toward a specialty but he really wasn't ANBU . . . He was like, a sweetie. He got Iruka into our little camping outings."
"Ah, he was a sweetie in this world," Genma said, as if surprised Raidou might imply he wasn't.
"ANBU aren't generally sweeties, in my experience," Raidou said quietly, glancing back at the closet. He picked up a vial of something opaque and didn't shake it. "What is all this stuff?"
"That particular one is actually a virus," Genma said cautiously. "Really refined smallpox. I didn't actually breed that strand, I had to buy it. I do mostly toxins and . . . please don't drop that. I've had my shots, I don't know if you've had yours."
Raidou put it back carefully and quickly. "Man. You *breed* diseases?"
"No. I just said I don't."
"You said you didn't do *that one*, which implies you do others."
"None of the living viruses or bacteria in those tubes are things I made, I just have them. But most of those are poisons or extracted from various animals and plants. Sea-life."
"Huh." Raidou decided the wiser course of action was to poke through the costuming junk. "Do you have one of those oh-so-unsubtle 'we're undercover' cloaks?"
"No, I have normal clothes for when we're undercover. I mean, I've got some stuff loose enough to go over my armor, if that's what you mean."
"No--like, the ANBU in my world wear these stupid cloaks that are supposed to make them more inconspicuous at public events and whatnot," Raidou said, glancing over the ANBU outfit.
"I have a big cloak, but it's mostly for if we're going to be standing around and it's cold," Genma said in a 'duh' tone of voice.
Raidou nodded. "Huh." He glanced over. And grinned. "You're all like, tattooed and shit?"
Genma just nodded.
Raidou's grin widened. "Can I see?"
Genma just unbuttoned his shirt and just let it slide off one shoulder.
Raidou rarely got to see his Genma's, and the other man liked to pretend it didn't exist at all. Raidou started to trace it *this* Genma's tattoo, then stopped and pulled his hand back. He was used to touching Genma--he *liked* touching--but he was trying not to touch *this* Genma, since this Genma seemed more sensitive about it. "Cool," he said on a dopey smile. "How long have you been ANBU?"
"Since I was twenty," Genma answered.
Raidou started to trace it *again* and pulled back, leaning against the wall. "That's a long time," he said slowly. "We've got a limit on our ANBU. Like, three years or something." He didn't know that for a fact, but he thought he'd heard something about it. It was entirely possible that was an urban legend that stayed alive to make people feel safer.
"It's more of a rank than a squad. There's active ANBU who only take ANBU missions, and there's ANBU like me who've done our ANBU missions and now we're qualified to just take our A, B and S ranks."
"Well, it's a rank in my world, too," Raidou said. "Like, Kakashi's still considered ANBU, though I believe they keep him in reserve. But no one *refers* to him as ANBU, and most of the ANBU keep the fact that they are secret. Ibiki's rule. Something about security."
Genma shrugged. "Well, you've already met my Ibiki. Does he really seem like he'd be that picky about people's private lives?"
"No," Raidou said. "Man, I'd like to take you Ibiki home . . . he's so much better than ours. Ours is like . . ." He frowned, thinking. "Well, he's told ninja before that they *can't* get counseling because the chakra patterns they're throwing out might be useful . . ."
"Ah. My Ibiki once dragged me into counseling. Physically. By like, the ankle."
Raidou laughed. "That must be a Genma thing," he said wryly. "Only I dragged mine in by the hair . . ." He grinned, teasing. Only, not really.
"Mine really doesn't pull my hair," Genma said thoughtfully.
"Ah, he has the greatest reaction when I do, though," Raidou laughed.
Someone rapped at the front door. Raidou stepped away, waiting for Genma to stop hugging Raidou's ANBU mask--even he could see what that was--and closed the closet door.
The pounding started again.
Raidou decided he'd been living there long enough to answer the damn door. He pulled it open, and saw Iruka and Kakashi. "Hi," he said, glancing from one to the other.
"It's working. Grab your things, let's go," Iruka said quickly.
"It's working? The *mirror*?" Raidou asked, suddenly excited. He turned to get his stuff, then realized he didn't have any. He turned back and stepped outside. "I can go home?"
"We don't know yet. But it's doing things! Come look!"
"Doing things?" Raidou asked warily. "Like, things like taking me *home*, right?"
"Um . . ." Iruka half stalled. "Well, we haven't seen *your* home yet . . . I mean, it's showing . . . places. But, if we poke it long enough!" He shrugged. "Either way you *have* to come see this."
Raidou closed the front door behind Genma and followed Iruka and Kakashi down the street. "I take it it's entertaining?" he asked, crestfallen that he couldn't go home yet, but trying to be happy since they seemed so excited.
"Some of them are scary," Iruka said. "Kakashi's an interdimensional whore."
"I think it's proof of my innate sexuality. Ten-thousand universes can't be wrong," Kakashi said smugly.
"Wow. You really are just as conceited here as you are there," Raidou said in awe.
Iruka laughed, nodding. "Yeah, well, not surprising." He didn't sound like he minded.
Raidou grinned, glancing at Iruka. He was cute. Maybe it was an Iruka thing.
It didn't take them long to get to Iruka's apartment, and the four of them trooped inside, crammed into the bathroom.
"It looks . . . normal . . ." Genma said slowly.
"Aww, fuck, did they leave?" Iruka swore, leaning on the counter. "It was like, there were tentacles. And, and stuff. And it was . . . I had a hard time figuring it out but I was pretty certain that it was Kotetsu and Izumo. Somewhere."
"I think I read that somewhere," Raidou said blandly. "Are you serious? *tentacles*?" he looked in the mirror.
It *looked* like the right bathroom . . . Almost . . .
"There's something in the tub . . ." Genma said, finally. "And . . . i don't think they're taking a bath."
The bathroom door opened. It was Kakashi. Naked. Wearing a leather butchers apron and dragging something. He dropped a few heads into the sink.
Ororchimaru's blank yellow eyes looked up at them.
"AH!" Raidou yelled.
The Kakashi looked at them, then tossed the other heads into the tub.
"That--that--that's Jiraiya!" Raidou yelled, point. "AH!
"Change stations!" Kakashi half yelped. Except that Kakashi never yelped. "if I touch the glass he might be *here*."
Iruka leaned forward and flicked the glass quickly.
. . .
"A field. Why is the mirror in a field?"
A turtle looked up at them. Then it spoke. Loudly. So loudly that the mirror vibrated, and they could faintly hear, "Welcome, tired travelers! Do not give up! it is the Springtime of your Youth and you can succeed if you just try you hardest!"
"Eternal Rival?" another turtle bellowed.
"Oh, gods. Change it," Raidou whimpered.
"I . . . did he train them?" Kakashi said, confused.
"Maybe he became them," Raidou said slowly.
"I--I think I see his face on the mountain . . ." Iruka said, in slow horror. "With a turtle . . . maybe . . . Offspring?"
"Chaaanging stations now," Kakashi declared.
It went back to a bathroom, which Raidou thought would be better until he saw the slug and the frog in the bathtub. "What--" he started.
Kakashi and Iruka just glanced, unimpressed, before Iruka flicked it again.
"Damn. It's starting to repeat . . ." Iruka grumbled. "Did we see this one?"
"My turn," Raidou said, and reached out to flick it.
It went reflective.
"Huh?" Raidou said eloquently. "Uh. Did I break it?"
They all stared at their true selves.
"Well, damn," Raidou murmured.
**
Genma was getting more and more suspicious. They'd gone past the hospital, and past Ibiki's office, and long past ANBU headquarters. He really wanted to ask what was going on, but he suspected Ibiki really would sic Kakashi on him.
The Iruka he was pretty sure *wasn't* a delusion--other people had glanced at him--was still walking on one side and just behind him, a hand on his shoulder. The not-Raidou was walking beside him, and Genma had slowly relaxed and shifted closer again until their sides were brushing.
If it was a delusion, it was an awfully nice delusion, and he was going to take advantage of it because, damn it, it made him feel better.
Raidou let his hand shift, rubbing Genma's shoulder. "You okay?" Very softly.
Genma glanced at Ibiki. "Where are we going?" he murmured, barely even breathing the words.
"You'll see. It'll be all right, all right?" Raidou kept his voice low, but only to be soothing.
Genma sighed and leaned into Raidou's shoulder, enjoying the arm around his. "Great," he muttered.
Ibiki looked sharply over his shoulder.
Genma sighed in irritation.
Ibiki kept leading the way, right up to an apartment building. "Kakashi?"
Kakashi hesitated. "Who's coming in?" he asked, standing at the door to his apartment.
"I got him here," Ibiki said. "You explain it. They're going in."
"I'm so fucking confused," Genma said, eyes shifting between people. But at least he wasn't feeling quite like so much shit anymore. Kakashi let Genma, Raidou and Iruka into the apartment, looking edgy the whole while.
"Would you like me to explain, Genma, or would you like to her it from Iruka?" Raidou asked, softly, leading him inside and sitting him down at the kitchen table.
Kakashi bolted inside, grabbed two photos off a shelf about the futon--aside from the bathroom and kitchen, the apartment was only one room--and shoved them into a drawer. He slammed it shut.
Genma jumped at the noise. "Relax," he muttered. "Explain what?"
"Call me if you need something," Ibiki growled, and left.
Genma watched, anger starting to boil. "I'm not delusional, am I?" he asked slowly, glaring at the door.
"No," Iruka said. "Sorry about that."
"I'm going to fucking *kill* him."
"Genma," Iruka said again, catching his attention.
Genma winced. He didn't want to know what was going on. From the way everyone was acting--waaaaaay too nicely, except Kakashi who was still shoving things in drawers and fussing with the closet--he wasn't going to like it.
"I wasn't lying. Earlier today. When you freaked out and ran." Raidou started, rubbing the back of his head. "And I meant the loveable part. But the rest was a lie."
"You just said you weren't lying," Genma said, frowning.
"He's not our Raidou. That's the lie," Iruka clarified.
Genma went very very still. "I don't understand."
"This is stupid," Kakashi muttered, and grabbed the collar of Genma's vest, hauling him to his feet. "Come see my mirror." He dragged Genma into the bathroom and stood him there.
Genma stared at a Tsunade rather than his reflection. She was naked. And dancing.
"those look really painful bouncing like that, don't they?" Kakashi said conversationally.
Genma kept staring. "I--how--what the fuck?!"
"Can . . . can I get a picture of this for my Genma?" Raidou asked. Unfortunately Tsunade-in-the-mirror jiggled her curvy form out of their line of sight before Kakashi could get back. Iruka blocking his way might have had something to do with it.
"Change the damn channel," Iruka snapped. "And no pictures of naked people!"
Genma was getting it. He really didn't want it, but he was getting it. He started to back slowly out of the bathroom, really hoping they were still distracted by images of dancing Tsunade.
A Raidou. He'd gotten what he wanted, and it was *a* Raidou. Not his Raidou. And--this was somehow worse. He had to leave. Right then.
Raidou caught his arm as he started to bolt. "Wait, Genma. Please."
"Don't, don't--don't--" Genma said, yanking his arm away and lifting both hands defensively. "Just--don't touch." He was breaking, he could feel something inside just cracking and if Raidou *touched* him--and everything had been so perfect for the last two weeks and now he was going to lose everything, and if Raidou touched him he was going to shatter.
"Please," Raidou repeated. "I'm sorry."
Iruka stood in the bathroom, trying to keep Kakashi from shoving them both out the front door. "Just *give* them a minute," he hissed.
"But they know what happened. They can leave now," Kakashi hissed back.
Iruka punched him.
Kakashi 'umphed' and subsided.
Genma, unaware of the furious conversation going on in the bathroom, stared at Raidou. "You're sorry," he said softly. "You're *sorry?* You--you fucking--" he realized he couldn't stand there and stay sane. He was either going to be livid or he could dissolve, and damn it, he wasn't going to dissolve over this. He tried to breathe. Anger. He could be angry, couldn't he? "You fucking--" 'fucked me,' he wanted to say, but he wasn't going to. "You're gay!" His voice broke. He tried to ignore it and remember to breathe. He reminded himself he was angry. He was having problems remembering that. He could feel tears prickling at the back of his eyes, and he'd be fucked all over again before he cried *here.*
"Yeah. Sorry." Sorry your Raidou isn't. Sorry you are. Sorry I let you get the two confused. "Need to hit me?"
It was so exactly what he wanted to do that it startled him. So instead he grabbed the front of Raidou's shirt, intent on hurling him somewhere--
and realized he couldn't. He stared at the scarless collarbone exposed by the pull on the Jounin's shirt and focused on breathing.
He'd dealt with painful things. He would deal with this. he could--just--breathe.
Raidou put his arms around Genma's shoulders before the other man could pull away. he'd already seen the intent to do damage fade.
Genma flinched, but didn't draw back. he stood there, carefully still, and watched the collarbone. "you--you--" he stopped and swallowed. "you have a Genma, don't you?" He dropped to a mutter and continued, "Knew that was too fucking good."
"I'm married," Raidou said.
Genma started to laugh and stopped it. "of course." he leaned forward, resting his forehead against Raidou's shoulder and closing his eyes. "Of course," he murmured again. "Don't tell my Raidou. Please, please don't tell my Raidou."
"You should tell him someday. I mean, if he hasn't figured it out by now . . . you're not very subtle."
"And so if he hasn't figured it out by now," Genma said slowly, "he doesn't want to. Don't tell him?"
"Do you know why we switched places in the first place? Genma decided he wanted a face-to-face in an attempt to get your Raidou to realize he was gay."
Genma took a deep breath. He pushed away slightly, but didn't let go of the man's shirt. "Great. If he comes back gay, I'll work with it. Otherwise, don't tell him."
"I don't want you to self destruct over this."
"Right," Genma said flatly. "I'm lovable."
"I think so."
Genma winced. "Look, I'm . . . I'm just going to . . . go. Okay? I'm gonna leave and . . . I should feed my cat." He let go of Raidou's shirt, shifting back.
Raidou put his hand against Genma's neck. "Apparently I'm just going to be on the other side of the glass, if there's anything you need. If you ever want to talk . . . I mean, I guess he sends letters through all the time," he said, gesturing at Kakashi. "Can you write me at least one?"
Genma shook his head slowly. "You know . . . I think I should just go. Really." Before he broke down and begged this Raidou to stay, because--
Except it wasn't the Raidou he'd known since childhood.
"I--fuck." He scrubbed a hand across his face. "I'll be fine. I'll be--" he glared up. "Why did you *do* that? You could have just shoved me off, and--and--" He stuttered to a halt. "Why did you *encourage* me? Obviously you weren't doing it for fun--"
"Because you were smart enough to figure it out on your own if I didn't distract you," Raidou said.
Genma laughed bitterly. "Ah. Makes sense. And it only took me a fucking *week,*" he muttered.
"It's understandable. I am Raidou, I'm just not *your* Raidou." He figured Genma never needed to find out that Kakashi had realized Iruka wasn't Iruka within the first thirty seconds. "The differences wouldn't have been obvious."
Genma didn't say anything. He knew that most of the reason was that he'd *wanted* it so damn badly. he glanced up, at Iruka and Kakashi trying not to hover in the bathroom doorway. "You need to go home," he said finally, "and I'm going to go home, and we can all just . . . go home." He needed a drink.
A big one.
Maybe out of a vase.
"All right." Raidou finally let go of him and stepped back. "Take care of yourself."
Genma nodded and fled.
"We have a problem," Kakashi said, coming out of the bathroom and glancing sharply around his apartment. It didn't *look* like anything had been touched . . .
"Okay, what's the problem?" Raidou asked. "Besides the fact that, you know, the mirror is not actually showing me anything I care about."
Kakashi considered it. "Tsunade's been joined by Shizune," he said, just to tempt Raidou. Assuming, of course, he liked girls at *all.*
"That's not a problem, that's a lifestyle choice," Raidou answered.
"No--something you car--"
Iruka elbowed Kakashi out of the way. "We can't seem to find your universe," he said, nearly cringing. "We can flip universes, but yours hasn't come up . . ."
Raidou sighed and looked at the mirror. "Well, show me how to make it change and I'll stand here and look."
"Wait--in my bathroom?" Kakashi asked. They ignored him.
Iruka reached out and flicked the mirror. It changed to Iruka taking it from Anko's dildo. "Damn it," he muttered, and flicked it again.
"Wait, what was that? That looked close!" Raidou lied.
"It was *not* close!" Iruka snapped. "We're *not* going back to it!"
"I'll show you how to go back later," Kakashi murmured.
"Thanks. Did you find that camera yet?"
"You're *both* perverts," Iruka snapped.
Kakashi beamed. "I'll get one."
"So how do you flick it? Like this?" Raidou asked, doing it. Nothing happened.
"No, no, you gotta have your hand the other way," Iruka said.
Raidou tried again. It flicked.
A scrawny looking blond scrubbing at his face in a towel standing in a decently clean bathroom appeared.
Kakashi went pale. "That's--is that--" he began, pointing.
The towel got tossed to one side and bright blue eyes were suddenly staring back at him, looking horribly confused. Although in the case of this particular person, Iruka was willing to bet that confused was a constant state. "It's Naruto," he said to Kakashi. "Just, older."
Kakashi relaxed.
"Flick it again," Iruka said. "Wrong mirror."
Naruto stared at them for a few seconds, then just as Iruka's finger was starting to come up, he raised his hands in a frantic wait-wait gesture. "Stop stop stop!" he was mouthing.
Iruka frowned. "What?" he wrote on his pad of paper. He was pretty sure that no matter what universe they were looking at, Naruto had still failed signing.
Naruto spent several long moments trying to sign, though. Whatever he was attempting would never be known, because Iruka's guess was right.
"We can read your lips," Iruka wrote, "just talk slowly."
"Stand - there - I'm - gonna - get - Sakura," Naruto said painfully slow--so slow it was actually *hard* to read his lips.
Iruka sighed and started to write, 'not that slow, you little retard,' but then thought it was too impolite. He wrote it out, ripped it off, and threw it away.
Just like grading papers. "Why's he getting *Sakura?*" Iruka asked after a minute.
"And was that the Uchiha crest on his boxers?" Kakashi asked slowly.
"If it was, we probably have the right universe," Raidou said.
"But he was going to get *Sakura*,' Iruka pointed out.
"Exactly!"
Kakashi stared. "You have to explain."
Just then, Sakura walked in wearing nothing but a shirt. Sasuke's shirt. It was long enough to cover everything, like a nightgown, but still. The collar looked odd on her.
"She's going to be quite . . . womanly when she gets older, isn't she?" Kakashi asked curiously.
Iruka rubbed his eyes and tried not to look at Legs. It was a bitch, being the only bi man in the room.
"Hi!" Sakura signed. "Do you have our Raidou?"
"Hi, Sakura!" Raidou signed back.
"Is Sasuke there?" Kakashi signed curiously.
"He's still asleep," Sakura answered.
Kakashi glanced at Iruka, who was quietly trying not to imagine his students in a three way. "Huh," Kakashi signed. "I think your former sensei's trying not to have a breakdown," he added, amused.
"Fuck off," Iruka muttered.
Naruto came back in with a bowl of cereal. "They should be here eventually. I sent a toad," he said, proudly.
"that little one?" Kakashi asked slowly. It was all their Naruto could manage, from the reports he got occasionally from Jiraiya.
"Well, he's the only one who knows his way around the town."
Kakashi glanced at Raidou. "This might take awhile."
"He knows were all the food stalls are, but it might take him awhile to find Iruka's house," Naruto added.
Kakashi sighed.
Another figure began to stagger in, and Kakashi recognized it as Sasuke--naked, tired, groggy Sasuke--before Sakura shoved him back out. "You need pants!" she shouted.
"I need to pee!" he whined back. "And--what the *hell* happened to our mirror?"
"Underwear. I beg of him, underwear," Iruka muttered, head ducked and eyes covered.
Sasuke vanished and reappeared a moment later wearing Naruto's orange pants.
"That's almost worse," Kakashi said. "You think he still needs to piss? He's not looking at the toilet . . ."
Sasuke signed back, "I figured something else out."
"Did you remember which bottle you used this time? Because that was an unpleasant surprise last time," Naruto said.
Kakashi winced. "If they come over here, I'm killing them," he muttered. "With bleach."
"you'll disinfect them to death?" Iruka laughed.
"Yes," Kakashi said, completely serious.
"There's not enough bleach in the world," Sakura said with a shrug. "I've tried. I've settled for just taking on the sentient colonies of mold."
Kakashi twitched. "I have to go clean out the refrigerator now," he said, and left.
"I was told that he had problems," Sakura signed with a nod. "How's your vacation been, Raidou?"
"I think I've caused irreversible psychological damage to some of the inhabitants here," he said. "How's the other me doing?"
"He's nice. Kinda slow," Sakura signed.
"He eats more than I do!" Naruto said.
"That sounds like Raidou," Iruka agreed.
"Does not," Raidou grumbled.
"Does ours. People run when they see him walk into a restaurant."
Another Raidou along with an Iruka shoved into the other bathroom, Raidou smeared with dirt. "It's working? Here? guys!" he said, grinning hugely. "Oh, man, Iruka, I've never been so happy to see your goofy little ponytail!"
"Heyy . . ." said Iruka, and "HEY!" said the Iruka in the mirror.
The Naruto-side Raidou shrugged. it jostled Naruto, who nearly fell into the bathtub. He let himself fall presumably when he realized that from there, he could look up Sakura's shirt!
"Okay, I want to go home," the guilty-feeling Raidou said, reaching across the sink and flattening a hand against the glass.
Both Raidous touched it, and suddenly the normal Raidou was back. Iruka helped him to his feet. "Kakashi's cleaning the fridge," he said.
In the mirror, the other Genma came flying into the bathroom and tackled his Raidou.
". . . whoa," dorky-Raidou said, watching.
"We need to go home right now and--" Genma began.
In the world were the flustered and Genma-free Raidou was, they watched as the mirror flickered suddenly and went back to the other Iruka's mirror.
"Thank the gods that Sakura is gone," Iruka breathed.
Raidou looked at him curiously.
Iruka began to blush. "She had legs," he ground out between his teeth, "and the fact that she was attractive was freaking me out a little."
"It's just Sakura," Raidou said, laughing.
Iruka stared at him.
From the kitchen, Kakashi yelled, "You are *so* gay. Get out of my apartment."
Raidou opened his mouth to argue that he wasn't gay, he had a daughter--and remembered what Amiri had said. He left quietly.
In the world of the reunited Genma and Raidou, Genma continued, "--and are you okay and--"
"Hi. It's really good to see you, I slept with your alternate self," Raidou said first thing.
". . . Oh. Did you have to?" Genma asked.
"Well . . . yeah. I kind of needed to distract him somehow."
"Oh. Did it work?"
"Well . . . until I started feeling guilty about, you know, ruining his life."
"Him. Was he better?" Genma asked after a minute.
"No," Raidou said in an 'obviously not,' tone. "Nobody's better than you."
"Good answer."
************************
