JBMcDragon (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} jbmcdragon) wrote,@ 2006-10-12 14:49:00 |
|
Title: The Great Bathroom Mirror Escapades, Vol. 3
In Which Raidou Gets A Talking-To About His Sexuality, and Genma is Quite Put Out
Authors: MessyPeaches and JBMcDragon
Status: In progress
Rating: Er. There's one chapter that's like, hard R/soft NC-17. R overall for language.
Summary: Following in the footsteps of Volume 1 and Volume 2, shit happens. Momo and JB laugh.
Volume 3, Chapter 1
Vol 3, Chapter 2
Vol 3, Chapter 3
Vol 3, Chapter 4
Be warned. This chapter is crack, even for this story. Ingest liquids while reading at your own risk.
JB and Momo
Chapter Five
"I've been thinking," Raidou said as he heard footsteps in Amiri's garden behind him, "about that conversation we had the other day. And maybe the relationship between me and Genma isn't normal like other guys' relationships, but I'm not sure that means anything." He paused, thinking. "Maybe it just means I should find a girl more like Genma."
"There are no girls like Genma," said a voice that was definitely not Amiri's.
Raidou's heart sank. He turned slowly and smiled sickly at Ibiki. "Um. What are you doing here?"
"I just came out to tell you that there was dinner ready."
". . . Oh." He really hated Ibiki right then. Just for existing.
Ibiki turned and went inside. "So," he said to Amiri, "what the hell did you talk about with him the other day?"
"Oh, stuff. His relationships. Kept going back to Genma. He's so gay," she answered.
"Well, now he thinks he needs a woman like Genma," Ibiki said.
"He's probably *been* trying to find a woman like Genma. Unfortunately none of them have penises."
"Thank God," Ibiki muttered.
**
Genma woke slowly, the world swimming around him. What he was instantly sure of was that he was tied to a tree with wire. A cup was held to his mouth.
"Here, you should drink," Raidou said.
Genma yanked his head away--which was a mistake, as it connected sharply with the tree trunk. He winced. "What's in it?" he asked suspiciously.
"Hydrogen and oxygen. Generally twice as much hydrogen as oxygen," Raidou said blandly.
"Don't know why I thought you'd tell the truth anyway," Genma muttered unhappily. Damn it, the best sex in his life and the guy was either not Raidou or crazy or a traitor--or some combination thereof.
"It's water. Just drink it, it'll help with your headache."
Genma glared sullenly up at Raidou. "And whose fault is the headache?"
"You attacked me for no reason and I was concerned," Raidou said earnestly. "Then you started to run away. I want some answers!"
Genma stared. "I--I didn't--you have the wrong fucking scars and you're acting weird!" he yelled.
Raidou looked at him. Yes, he could see fear and accusation and rage, but he could also see a lot of self-doubt and confusion in there. "I've always had these scars," he said, perfectly honest in the way that only truly lying bastards could be.
"You--you said I had a niece! I don't even have siblings!" Genma yelled.
"I sensed someone in the forest. I was trying to clue you in," Raidou said. "I mean, it was such a cake mission that we didn't talk about any sort of signals like that, and I was just trying to think of something. I didn't want you to get hurt." He touched Genma's cheek. "Do you feel okay?"
No. He felt thoroughly confused and--and--he so badly wanted it to be true. It made *sense.* "I--" Raidou looked so damn *earnest.* And worried. And--damn it!
Genma looked down, because if he kept looking at Raidou he knew he was going to crack entirely. He'd stabbed him and--maybe there was nothing wrong. Shit. No. He couldn't be *that* mistaken.
"I thought you had a girlfriend," he said, and knew it was weak.
"Genma, how long have I known you? We're best friends, right?"
"Yeah," Genma said slowly.
"How long do my relationships with girls usually last?" Raidou was guessing at that point, but he was pretty sure this Raidou was gay and in denial just from the way this Genma acted.
"Like, a week . . ."
"And how long have we been friends?"
Genma had to actually think about that. "Since about twelve years old, I guess. I mean, Genin . . . only I was young and you were a little older, so . . ." he just trailed off, not caring to think about it too hard.
"You think maybe you're a little more important to me?" Raidou asked softly.
Genma stared. "I--ah--" he wasn't going to turn into a blubbering idiot because he was thirty and even if this was exactly what he'd wanted to hear for forever, he wasn't going to turn into a blubbering idiot. "No," he finally muttered darkly.
"No, you don't think you're important to me?"
He panicked. He couldn't help it. He was tied to a tree and hearing all the things he really wanted to hear and maybe he was going a little crazy. "Of course I'm important to you, but--but--you weren't gay and then you were and there was sex and you weren't bothered by it and you *remembered* what food I liked! And your scars are *wrong* I *swear!*"
Raidou paused, then spoke as much truth as he could. "Look, something happened before I went to get this mission that I don't want to talk about, but it's kinda been affecting me."
Genma took a deep breath and looked upward half suspiciously, half hopefully. "It did?"
"Yeah. Maybe I'll tell you about it when we get back to Konoha."
Back to Konoha was good. Konoha was home, and things would be okay there.
And maybe it was all right. Gods, he hoped it was. "Will you untie me so I can get back to Konoha on my own feet?" Genma asked pleadingly.
"I don't know, do you promise not to stab me with anymore senbon? They kinda hurt, you know Gen-chan?"
He colored, made even meeker by the suffix. "Yeah. I know. Sorry. I just--I panicked. I'm stressed or something, I don't know . . ." Maybe he should go see one of the counselors regardless. He'd *stabbed* *Raidou.*
"Well, you've wanted this for a long time, maybe you were just stressed over it finally happening," Raidou suggested, and started to untie him.
"Yeah," Genma said slowly. "I suppose."
Raidou took Genma's hands and rubbed at his wrists. "Your fingers feel okay? They're not numb, are they? Sometimes that happens."
Genma just watched, half in shock. "No, they're fine," he said finally, looking up and searching Raidou's face for *some* idea of whether or not this was real.
Raidou looked innocent enough.
Raidou glanced up and pictured his own Genma as hard as he possibly could. He wanted *that* emotion to show in his eyes right then.
"Okay. Yeah," Genma murmured mostly to himself. "I'm sorry." He looked at Raidou, really hoping he was forgiven. He was going to blubber if he kept looking, though, because Raidou looked like he was in love and Genma was going to *die* with that aimed at him. "Let's go. 'Kay? And you can tell me what happened when we get back?" He smiled hopefully.
"I promise to tell you everything," Raidou said, leaning in and giving him a soft kiss.
Genma nodded, emotions settling slightly. Everything would be fine.
**
Iruka glanced into the mirror and realized it was working again. His ugly shower curtain was gone, replaced with a frilly light blue one. "Hey! Kakashi! Get in here! The mirror's working again!" he yelled. Except that didn't look like the dimension with the crazy Kakashi, either.
Then Orochimaru wandered in an in open robe and lacy underwear which really weren't containing him at all and that was more of Orochimaru than Iruka ever ever wanted to see.
Orochimaru blinked, smiled and waved.
Iruka waved back automatically, jaw dropping and eyes glazing over as Kakashi stepped in behind him and then visibly recoiled. Orochimaru looked vaguely offended, and stuck his six-inch tongue out at Kakashi in a ridiculously child-like manner.
"That--" Kakashi said, "is not the right bathroom! Make it go away!"
The Orochimaru in the mirror flipped him off, and was joined by a rather shirtless Jiraiya, which was also more of Jiraiya than either of them wanted to see. As Iruka and Kakashi stared in horror, a third walked in. An oddly chesty pink-haired girl in her twenties, covered in snake tattoos.
"That can't possibly be--" Iruka started.
"I wonder if she's like, their slave," Kakashi said in stunned speculation.
She glared at them through the mirror and then turned and snapped at the men in the bathroom. They both bowed their heads and shuffled out.
"I would like to change my theory," Kakashi said. "I have a new one now."
She haughtily flicked the mirror and suddenly the image was gone.
"Wait! How'd she do that! What'd she do? She made the channel change! How the hell'd she do that?" Kakashi cried.
"I need to go wash my brain with soap," Iruka said.
"No, she made the channel change! How do we do that? She like, flicked it!" Kakashi said, reaching out and flicking the mirror.
It changed, and suddenly Iruka was looking at himself. Pregnant.
"AH!" he yelled.
"AH!" mouthed the pregnant female Iruka in the mirror.
"Flick it again!" Iruka said.
Kakashi did so, quickly. Then he calmly added, "You look kinda cute in your third trimester."
"I will kill you," Iruka promised. "If I am ever pregnant it will be your fault and I will kill you. I won't say how I'll kill you because that would be too much warning, but it will hurt. It will make being the chesty, snake-tattoo covered Sakura's slave seem like a tolerable existence. Even if she's ordering you to perform with Jiraiya and Orochimaru in his fucking pink underwear."
"Wow, you got that image in your head pretty quick."
"Just keep changing channels until we find the right universe!"
After a few more flicks, they found Itachi and Sasuke bent over the mirror not acting brotherly at all--and not in a fighting manner, either. The two looked confused. Kakashi changed it quickly.
"I don't know if I have brain bleach," Iruka said. "I should go put that on the shopping list. Just keep changing channels."
"No!" Kakashi said. "If I have to look at this, you do too! In fact, we should go get that other Raidou and make him come in here!"
The channel changed to Iruka. And Naruto.
Iruka began to yell in horror, because they weren't acting very student/teacher-like. He pounded on the glass. "If that one comes through, you have to kill him!" Iruka said, and suddenly he did go through.
He whipped around in time to see Kakashi grab the icky-Iruka and start stabbing him. Iruka turned to look at Naruto and said, "You need to go to the Hokage. NOW," he barked, when Naruto just kept staring at him. "Go! Now!" He grabbed the boy by the shoulders and shook him. Christ, this kid looked like he was ten. "Do it or I won't love you anymore!" God, he hoped that Naruto turned out okay. He probably wouldn't, but one could pray.
The Naruto turned and ran, naked, out the door. Iruka whipped around and pressed his hand to the mirror. "Okay, switch me back before the ANBU get here."
Kakashi tossed the now-stabbed body through the mirror, and caught Iruka. "So you're the sane one who doesn't have weird sex-urges toward his students, right?" he said, sounding fairly calm.
"Just change the channel!"
They flicked. A Kakashi stared back at them, a Sasuke (older, thank you) attached. Then it was a Kakashi and a Sakura. Then Kakashi and Tsunade. Then Kakashi and Genma, a Raidou, a Hayate, an Ibiki, a Gaara, a Shikamaru, a Pakkun. As they slowly made their way through images of a Kakashi attached at the hips to every living creature in Fire County and, in fact, every other County--every living thing including the Fourth and the Third's corpse--Iruka had to swallow and finally commented, "My God, you're an interdimentional whore. Can't you change stations faster?"
"I'm trying, although I must say I do like the fact that I appear to be topping everybody."
"Except Pakkun!" Iruka yelped.
" . . . That was a trick of the light. I was clearly the dominant alpha-male in that two."
"Which you expressed by sticking your ass in the air and letting him hump it. Oh, wait! Stop! Does this one look right?"
They stared.
"It's clean looking," Kakashi said slowly.
"Wait--is that something in the bathtub?"
They both craned their necks, trying to see.
". . . I didn't know slugs and toads could do that together," Kakashi said slowly.
"I can actually see the toad's--" Iruka waggled a finger in demonstration, "--thingy through the side of the slug."
They stared at that one for a minute longer before flicking it.
Then there was a Kakashi. A girl Kakashi. Kakashi stared. "Show us your boobs!" he shouted, as if that would help them hear.
The girl Kakashi shrugged and lifted her shirt. There were boobs. They were nice boobs. One had a ring. There was some sort of pretty little flower tattoo on her ribs.
"Wow, you have really nice tits, Kakashi," Iruka said, giving her the thumbs up.
An athletic-looking female Iruka walked in. She looked at her Kakashi with the exposed boobs, then shrugged and lifted up her shirt as well. She mouthed something at them.
"What did she say?" Iruka asked.
"She said, 'Show us your cocks,'" Kakashi answered, working on his fly.
"And you're going to?"
"It's only fair!"
Iruka shrugged and decided to just go with it. They spent a few minutes admiring each other's equipment before Kakashi sighed, tucked everything away, and changed the station again.
**
"What are you looking at?" Iuka asked, wandering through Kakashi's apartment and into the bathroom. There he froze. "AGH!"
The reflection was him. Only, not, so the mirror was working, and that was good. But the angles were all wrong--they were looking *down*. Onto a bed. And that was Anko and Iruka screwing, only he wasn't having sex with her so much as taking the large, black, latex-looking strap-on in the ass.
Kakashi was just watching, head cocked. "You should have seen the bit with the whips," he said slowly. "Oh, and I figured out how to change stations on this. I was looking for the Pansy-assed Iruka's bathroom, and got . . . distracted."
"Agh!" Iruka yelled again. "Make it go away!"
"They changed angles, just so I could see better!" Kakashi protested.
"If you *ever* want sex *again*--" Iruka snarled.
"Okay, okay," Kakashi said, and flicked it.
To Iruka being bent over the sink and screwed senseless by Kakashi. Raidou. Naruto. Sasuke. Itachi. Haku (there was ice involved in that one). Kisame. Genma. Hayate. Genma *and* Hayate. One of Kakashi's larger dogs, while Kakashi watched. "My god," Kakashi said, "you're an interdimensional whore."
Iruka glared. "And you're getting off on it!"
"Look, look--" Kakashi said, pointing at the mirror. "You're like--" he stopped, put the back of his wrist to his mouth--or where his mouth was under the mask--and went, "Ohhh!" in a little girly voice, legs wobbling. His eyes arced in a smile. "You don't do that with me . . ."
"Because I'm not a woman! Now get your hand out of your pants!"
Kakashi's smile brightened further. "This is so much better than Icha Icha."
Iruka took a deep breath. "You remember that sex you're not having? Ever again?"
Kakashi changed the channel.
They both froze. The bathroom door was actually in line enough that they could see through it, out of the bathroom, to a bed. Where Iruka, hands tied above his head, badly bruised and shoulder dislocated, lay naked with blood-smeared thighs.
In the bathroom, a half naked Kakashi with blood on his dick looked back at them. He tapped at the glass curiously with a suspiciously red, wet scroll.
Kakashi pulled back and tried to punch his other self through the mirror.
Instead, they switched.
Iruka leapt away, then on instinct leapt forward and kneed the Kakashi as hard as he could in his bloody balls.
The Kakashi doubled over, and Iruka just. Kept. Hitting. Him. Just about the time Kakashi started to regroup, Iruka grabbed the bloody scroll and, holding onto the wooden end, smashed upward into the Kakashi's masked face, shattering the nose into the brain.
And then he kept hitting him. Just on principle. At least until the tapping at the glass broke through his disgusted, murderous haze. He looked up.
'Push the--' Kakashi hesitated. 'Body? Up against the glass. The ANBU are on their way.'
Iruka heaved the still twitching form up and shoved it against the mirror. The Kakashis switched.
"Oh, gods!" Iruka said, nearly heaving.
Kakashi patted him on the back comfortingly. "That was impressive work," he said in admiration. "I'm suddenly worried about ever pissing you off."
It was enough to snap Iruka out of the near-panic. He glared. Then glanced back at the mirror, feeling ill. "Is that Iruka going to be all right?"
"Oh, no chance in hell," Kakashi said instantly.
"Internal bleeding?" Iruka asked as the ANBU over there arrived and started treating him.
"No, his body'll be fine. But he kept saying everything was all right. That he didn't mind, because he loved . . . *that* Kakashi."
Iruka turned, incredulously, to Kakashi.
"I know," Kakashi said, shrugging at Iruka's face.
"Ugh. Burn this," Iruka said, slapping the bloody scroll against Kakashi's chest.
Kakashi took it, grimacing. "Now I have to burn my vest."
"Sorry. You'll have to bleach the floor, too."
Kakashi looked at the the giant arterial splashes of blood, and bits of . . . *stuff.*
"I think those were his testicles," Iruka said, pointing.
Kakashi nodded. "I have lots of bleach." He flicked the mirror.
****************
Okay, there are four references to real stories up there; a drabble of your choice to anyone who can point out all four. *grins* (A couple of them are obvious...)
Also, we apologize to the four authors whose stories/characters we used without permisson. ;)
In Which Raidou Gets A Talking-To About His Sexuality, and Genma is Quite Put Out
Authors: MessyPeaches and JBMcDragon
Status: In progress
Rating: Er. There's one chapter that's like, hard R/soft NC-17. R overall for language.
Summary: Following in the footsteps of Volume 1 and Volume 2, shit happens. Momo and JB laugh.
Volume 3, Chapter 1
Vol 3, Chapter 2
Vol 3, Chapter 3
Vol 3, Chapter 4
Be warned. This chapter is crack, even for this story. Ingest liquids while reading at your own risk.
JB and Momo
Chapter Five
"I've been thinking," Raidou said as he heard footsteps in Amiri's garden behind him, "about that conversation we had the other day. And maybe the relationship between me and Genma isn't normal like other guys' relationships, but I'm not sure that means anything." He paused, thinking. "Maybe it just means I should find a girl more like Genma."
"There are no girls like Genma," said a voice that was definitely not Amiri's.
Raidou's heart sank. He turned slowly and smiled sickly at Ibiki. "Um. What are you doing here?"
"I just came out to tell you that there was dinner ready."
". . . Oh." He really hated Ibiki right then. Just for existing.
Ibiki turned and went inside. "So," he said to Amiri, "what the hell did you talk about with him the other day?"
"Oh, stuff. His relationships. Kept going back to Genma. He's so gay," she answered.
"Well, now he thinks he needs a woman like Genma," Ibiki said.
"He's probably *been* trying to find a woman like Genma. Unfortunately none of them have penises."
"Thank God," Ibiki muttered.
**
Genma woke slowly, the world swimming around him. What he was instantly sure of was that he was tied to a tree with wire. A cup was held to his mouth.
"Here, you should drink," Raidou said.
Genma yanked his head away--which was a mistake, as it connected sharply with the tree trunk. He winced. "What's in it?" he asked suspiciously.
"Hydrogen and oxygen. Generally twice as much hydrogen as oxygen," Raidou said blandly.
"Don't know why I thought you'd tell the truth anyway," Genma muttered unhappily. Damn it, the best sex in his life and the guy was either not Raidou or crazy or a traitor--or some combination thereof.
"It's water. Just drink it, it'll help with your headache."
Genma glared sullenly up at Raidou. "And whose fault is the headache?"
"You attacked me for no reason and I was concerned," Raidou said earnestly. "Then you started to run away. I want some answers!"
Genma stared. "I--I didn't--you have the wrong fucking scars and you're acting weird!" he yelled.
Raidou looked at him. Yes, he could see fear and accusation and rage, but he could also see a lot of self-doubt and confusion in there. "I've always had these scars," he said, perfectly honest in the way that only truly lying bastards could be.
"You--you said I had a niece! I don't even have siblings!" Genma yelled.
"I sensed someone in the forest. I was trying to clue you in," Raidou said. "I mean, it was such a cake mission that we didn't talk about any sort of signals like that, and I was just trying to think of something. I didn't want you to get hurt." He touched Genma's cheek. "Do you feel okay?"
No. He felt thoroughly confused and--and--he so badly wanted it to be true. It made *sense.* "I--" Raidou looked so damn *earnest.* And worried. And--damn it!
Genma looked down, because if he kept looking at Raidou he knew he was going to crack entirely. He'd stabbed him and--maybe there was nothing wrong. Shit. No. He couldn't be *that* mistaken.
"I thought you had a girlfriend," he said, and knew it was weak.
"Genma, how long have I known you? We're best friends, right?"
"Yeah," Genma said slowly.
"How long do my relationships with girls usually last?" Raidou was guessing at that point, but he was pretty sure this Raidou was gay and in denial just from the way this Genma acted.
"Like, a week . . ."
"And how long have we been friends?"
Genma had to actually think about that. "Since about twelve years old, I guess. I mean, Genin . . . only I was young and you were a little older, so . . ." he just trailed off, not caring to think about it too hard.
"You think maybe you're a little more important to me?" Raidou asked softly.
Genma stared. "I--ah--" he wasn't going to turn into a blubbering idiot because he was thirty and even if this was exactly what he'd wanted to hear for forever, he wasn't going to turn into a blubbering idiot. "No," he finally muttered darkly.
"No, you don't think you're important to me?"
He panicked. He couldn't help it. He was tied to a tree and hearing all the things he really wanted to hear and maybe he was going a little crazy. "Of course I'm important to you, but--but--you weren't gay and then you were and there was sex and you weren't bothered by it and you *remembered* what food I liked! And your scars are *wrong* I *swear!*"
Raidou paused, then spoke as much truth as he could. "Look, something happened before I went to get this mission that I don't want to talk about, but it's kinda been affecting me."
Genma took a deep breath and looked upward half suspiciously, half hopefully. "It did?"
"Yeah. Maybe I'll tell you about it when we get back to Konoha."
Back to Konoha was good. Konoha was home, and things would be okay there.
And maybe it was all right. Gods, he hoped it was. "Will you untie me so I can get back to Konoha on my own feet?" Genma asked pleadingly.
"I don't know, do you promise not to stab me with anymore senbon? They kinda hurt, you know Gen-chan?"
He colored, made even meeker by the suffix. "Yeah. I know. Sorry. I just--I panicked. I'm stressed or something, I don't know . . ." Maybe he should go see one of the counselors regardless. He'd *stabbed* *Raidou.*
"Well, you've wanted this for a long time, maybe you were just stressed over it finally happening," Raidou suggested, and started to untie him.
"Yeah," Genma said slowly. "I suppose."
Raidou took Genma's hands and rubbed at his wrists. "Your fingers feel okay? They're not numb, are they? Sometimes that happens."
Genma just watched, half in shock. "No, they're fine," he said finally, looking up and searching Raidou's face for *some* idea of whether or not this was real.
Raidou looked innocent enough.
Raidou glanced up and pictured his own Genma as hard as he possibly could. He wanted *that* emotion to show in his eyes right then.
"Okay. Yeah," Genma murmured mostly to himself. "I'm sorry." He looked at Raidou, really hoping he was forgiven. He was going to blubber if he kept looking, though, because Raidou looked like he was in love and Genma was going to *die* with that aimed at him. "Let's go. 'Kay? And you can tell me what happened when we get back?" He smiled hopefully.
"I promise to tell you everything," Raidou said, leaning in and giving him a soft kiss.
Genma nodded, emotions settling slightly. Everything would be fine.
**
Iruka glanced into the mirror and realized it was working again. His ugly shower curtain was gone, replaced with a frilly light blue one. "Hey! Kakashi! Get in here! The mirror's working again!" he yelled. Except that didn't look like the dimension with the crazy Kakashi, either.
Then Orochimaru wandered in an in open robe and lacy underwear which really weren't containing him at all and that was more of Orochimaru than Iruka ever ever wanted to see.
Orochimaru blinked, smiled and waved.
Iruka waved back automatically, jaw dropping and eyes glazing over as Kakashi stepped in behind him and then visibly recoiled. Orochimaru looked vaguely offended, and stuck his six-inch tongue out at Kakashi in a ridiculously child-like manner.
"That--" Kakashi said, "is not the right bathroom! Make it go away!"
The Orochimaru in the mirror flipped him off, and was joined by a rather shirtless Jiraiya, which was also more of Jiraiya than either of them wanted to see. As Iruka and Kakashi stared in horror, a third walked in. An oddly chesty pink-haired girl in her twenties, covered in snake tattoos.
"That can't possibly be--" Iruka started.
"I wonder if she's like, their slave," Kakashi said in stunned speculation.
She glared at them through the mirror and then turned and snapped at the men in the bathroom. They both bowed their heads and shuffled out.
"I would like to change my theory," Kakashi said. "I have a new one now."
She haughtily flicked the mirror and suddenly the image was gone.
"Wait! How'd she do that! What'd she do? She made the channel change! How the hell'd she do that?" Kakashi cried.
"I need to go wash my brain with soap," Iruka said.
"No, she made the channel change! How do we do that? She like, flicked it!" Kakashi said, reaching out and flicking the mirror.
It changed, and suddenly Iruka was looking at himself. Pregnant.
"AH!" he yelled.
"AH!" mouthed the pregnant female Iruka in the mirror.
"Flick it again!" Iruka said.
Kakashi did so, quickly. Then he calmly added, "You look kinda cute in your third trimester."
"I will kill you," Iruka promised. "If I am ever pregnant it will be your fault and I will kill you. I won't say how I'll kill you because that would be too much warning, but it will hurt. It will make being the chesty, snake-tattoo covered Sakura's slave seem like a tolerable existence. Even if she's ordering you to perform with Jiraiya and Orochimaru in his fucking pink underwear."
"Wow, you got that image in your head pretty quick."
"Just keep changing channels until we find the right universe!"
After a few more flicks, they found Itachi and Sasuke bent over the mirror not acting brotherly at all--and not in a fighting manner, either. The two looked confused. Kakashi changed it quickly.
"I don't know if I have brain bleach," Iruka said. "I should go put that on the shopping list. Just keep changing channels."
"No!" Kakashi said. "If I have to look at this, you do too! In fact, we should go get that other Raidou and make him come in here!"
The channel changed to Iruka. And Naruto.
Iruka began to yell in horror, because they weren't acting very student/teacher-like. He pounded on the glass. "If that one comes through, you have to kill him!" Iruka said, and suddenly he did go through.
He whipped around in time to see Kakashi grab the icky-Iruka and start stabbing him. Iruka turned to look at Naruto and said, "You need to go to the Hokage. NOW," he barked, when Naruto just kept staring at him. "Go! Now!" He grabbed the boy by the shoulders and shook him. Christ, this kid looked like he was ten. "Do it or I won't love you anymore!" God, he hoped that Naruto turned out okay. He probably wouldn't, but one could pray.
The Naruto turned and ran, naked, out the door. Iruka whipped around and pressed his hand to the mirror. "Okay, switch me back before the ANBU get here."
Kakashi tossed the now-stabbed body through the mirror, and caught Iruka. "So you're the sane one who doesn't have weird sex-urges toward his students, right?" he said, sounding fairly calm.
"Just change the channel!"
They flicked. A Kakashi stared back at them, a Sasuke (older, thank you) attached. Then it was a Kakashi and a Sakura. Then Kakashi and Tsunade. Then Kakashi and Genma, a Raidou, a Hayate, an Ibiki, a Gaara, a Shikamaru, a Pakkun. As they slowly made their way through images of a Kakashi attached at the hips to every living creature in Fire County and, in fact, every other County--every living thing including the Fourth and the Third's corpse--Iruka had to swallow and finally commented, "My God, you're an interdimentional whore. Can't you change stations faster?"
"I'm trying, although I must say I do like the fact that I appear to be topping everybody."
"Except Pakkun!" Iruka yelped.
" . . . That was a trick of the light. I was clearly the dominant alpha-male in that two."
"Which you expressed by sticking your ass in the air and letting him hump it. Oh, wait! Stop! Does this one look right?"
They stared.
"It's clean looking," Kakashi said slowly.
"Wait--is that something in the bathtub?"
They both craned their necks, trying to see.
". . . I didn't know slugs and toads could do that together," Kakashi said slowly.
"I can actually see the toad's--" Iruka waggled a finger in demonstration, "--thingy through the side of the slug."
They stared at that one for a minute longer before flicking it.
Then there was a Kakashi. A girl Kakashi. Kakashi stared. "Show us your boobs!" he shouted, as if that would help them hear.
The girl Kakashi shrugged and lifted her shirt. There were boobs. They were nice boobs. One had a ring. There was some sort of pretty little flower tattoo on her ribs.
"Wow, you have really nice tits, Kakashi," Iruka said, giving her the thumbs up.
An athletic-looking female Iruka walked in. She looked at her Kakashi with the exposed boobs, then shrugged and lifted up her shirt as well. She mouthed something at them.
"What did she say?" Iruka asked.
"She said, 'Show us your cocks,'" Kakashi answered, working on his fly.
"And you're going to?"
"It's only fair!"
Iruka shrugged and decided to just go with it. They spent a few minutes admiring each other's equipment before Kakashi sighed, tucked everything away, and changed the station again.
**
"What are you looking at?" Iuka asked, wandering through Kakashi's apartment and into the bathroom. There he froze. "AGH!"
The reflection was him. Only, not, so the mirror was working, and that was good. But the angles were all wrong--they were looking *down*. Onto a bed. And that was Anko and Iruka screwing, only he wasn't having sex with her so much as taking the large, black, latex-looking strap-on in the ass.
Kakashi was just watching, head cocked. "You should have seen the bit with the whips," he said slowly. "Oh, and I figured out how to change stations on this. I was looking for the Pansy-assed Iruka's bathroom, and got . . . distracted."
"Agh!" Iruka yelled again. "Make it go away!"
"They changed angles, just so I could see better!" Kakashi protested.
"If you *ever* want sex *again*--" Iruka snarled.
"Okay, okay," Kakashi said, and flicked it.
To Iruka being bent over the sink and screwed senseless by Kakashi. Raidou. Naruto. Sasuke. Itachi. Haku (there was ice involved in that one). Kisame. Genma. Hayate. Genma *and* Hayate. One of Kakashi's larger dogs, while Kakashi watched. "My god," Kakashi said, "you're an interdimensional whore."
Iruka glared. "And you're getting off on it!"
"Look, look--" Kakashi said, pointing at the mirror. "You're like--" he stopped, put the back of his wrist to his mouth--or where his mouth was under the mask--and went, "Ohhh!" in a little girly voice, legs wobbling. His eyes arced in a smile. "You don't do that with me . . ."
"Because I'm not a woman! Now get your hand out of your pants!"
Kakashi's smile brightened further. "This is so much better than Icha Icha."
Iruka took a deep breath. "You remember that sex you're not having? Ever again?"
Kakashi changed the channel.
They both froze. The bathroom door was actually in line enough that they could see through it, out of the bathroom, to a bed. Where Iruka, hands tied above his head, badly bruised and shoulder dislocated, lay naked with blood-smeared thighs.
In the bathroom, a half naked Kakashi with blood on his dick looked back at them. He tapped at the glass curiously with a suspiciously red, wet scroll.
Kakashi pulled back and tried to punch his other self through the mirror.
Instead, they switched.
Iruka leapt away, then on instinct leapt forward and kneed the Kakashi as hard as he could in his bloody balls.
The Kakashi doubled over, and Iruka just. Kept. Hitting. Him. Just about the time Kakashi started to regroup, Iruka grabbed the bloody scroll and, holding onto the wooden end, smashed upward into the Kakashi's masked face, shattering the nose into the brain.
And then he kept hitting him. Just on principle. At least until the tapping at the glass broke through his disgusted, murderous haze. He looked up.
'Push the--' Kakashi hesitated. 'Body? Up against the glass. The ANBU are on their way.'
Iruka heaved the still twitching form up and shoved it against the mirror. The Kakashis switched.
"Oh, gods!" Iruka said, nearly heaving.
Kakashi patted him on the back comfortingly. "That was impressive work," he said in admiration. "I'm suddenly worried about ever pissing you off."
It was enough to snap Iruka out of the near-panic. He glared. Then glanced back at the mirror, feeling ill. "Is that Iruka going to be all right?"
"Oh, no chance in hell," Kakashi said instantly.
"Internal bleeding?" Iruka asked as the ANBU over there arrived and started treating him.
"No, his body'll be fine. But he kept saying everything was all right. That he didn't mind, because he loved . . . *that* Kakashi."
Iruka turned, incredulously, to Kakashi.
"I know," Kakashi said, shrugging at Iruka's face.
"Ugh. Burn this," Iruka said, slapping the bloody scroll against Kakashi's chest.
Kakashi took it, grimacing. "Now I have to burn my vest."
"Sorry. You'll have to bleach the floor, too."
Kakashi looked at the the giant arterial splashes of blood, and bits of . . . *stuff.*
"I think those were his testicles," Iruka said, pointing.
Kakashi nodded. "I have lots of bleach." He flicked the mirror.
****************
Okay, there are four references to real stories up there; a drabble of your choice to anyone who can point out all four. *grins* (A couple of them are obvious...)
Also, we apologize to the four authors whose stories/characters we used without permisson. ;)
