JBMcDragon (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} jbmcdragon) wrote,@ 2006-10-11 18:09:00 |
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Title: The Great Bathroom Mirror Escapades, Vol. 3
In Which Raidou Gets A Talking-To About His Sexuality, and Genma is Quite Put Out
Authors: MessyPeaches and JBMcDragon
Status: In progress
Rating: Er. There's one chapter that's like, hard R/soft NC-17. R overall for language.
Summary: Following in the footsteps of Volume 1 and Volume 2, shit happens. Momo and JB laugh.
Volume 3, Chapter 1
Vol 3, Chapter 2
Vol 3, Chapter 3
JB and Momo
Chapter Four
"You know," Amiri said, "microwaves really don't cost as much as they were trying to tell you. There's toasters out there that cost more than a decent microwave. Although the one our Raidou bought was probably a more expensive one."
Raidou ripped out another weed and poked at the dirt. "I know. I checked them out in the store. But it's easier to be *here* than *there.*" He smiled up at her lopsidedly and shrugged.
"I kinda wondered if you knew, but thought I might as well make it official." The sun caught the mud spattered all over her and made the pot she was throwing look even wetter than it actually was. Raidou looked back at the garden, which was far more interesting. It had weeds.
"Well, it's weird. Being there." He frowned. "Plus Genma accuses me of being gay every other sentence." He ripped out another weed. He was pretty sure they were secret ninja weeds, because nothing should grow back as fast as they did.
"Well, that's because you are," Amiri said.
Raidou winced. "I'm *not.*"
"I'm covered in mud, and my shirt is sticking to me, and you haven't looked at me more than twice since I got home. You're gay."
"I have a girlfriend," Raidou countered, "and you're dating Ibiki, who scares the shit out of me--even if yours is apparently saner than mine." He muttered, "I mean, he hasn't tried to dissect me yet, so I'm assuming here . . ."
"Us both being in relationships just means you don't act on anything you're thinking, it doesn't mean you don't look," Amiri pointed out.
"Maybe I'm just a gentleman," Raidou said, then added, "are you looking at me?" to prove his point.
"Well, yeah, but you're gay, so it's not like there's any chance there. It's kinda like looking at a really pretty, sexy statue in a museum. Kinda like having nice lawn art."
Raidou looked away from the weeds long enough to stare at her incredulously. She was focused on her pot. "Amiri!" he yelped. "That's just--just--you're not supposed to--" he lost his train of thought. Or maybe never had one, but he couldn't figure out what he wanted to say. He turned back to the weeds. They made sense.
"You've got nice shoulders," she offered. "I'm a fan of shoulders, aren't you?"
Raidou snorted a laugh. "Yeah, shoulders are nice." He shot a look over his shoulder. "So are breasts."
She just nodded in agreement, finally stopping her wheel and looking at her finished product. Then she punched it, squishing it back down in to a shapeless blob.
"Don't you get tired of reshaping that all the time?" Raidou asked curiously.
"I need five that match. This one didn't match. I already have two that go together," she explained. "I have to get it right this time or the clay's too soft to squish it again."
"Why five?" Raidou asked, settling back on an arm in the dirt.
"I used to have five in my entryway and one of them broke and now I need to replace them. But they were raku so I can't exactly replicate them, so I need to replace them."
"You could just have four," Raidou pointed out.
"But then one of my trees would die."
"Ahhhhh." All of Raidou's plants died, unless someone else took care of them. He didn't say so. People who actually got things to grow were always horrified when he admitted that. "How long have you been dating Ibiki?" he asked conversationally.
"About two years," Amiri answered.
Raidou whistled. "That's practically forever."
"Not one for long relationships, huh?"
"No," Raidou said. "I think my average is three. My current girlfriend and I have been dating for . . . well, counting this week, two weeks. But she was on a mission before I left."
"Three . . . what, months?"
Raidou barked a laugh and then realized she was serious. "Oh. Um, three dates."
"Uh huh," Amiri said blandly. "Why do you usually break up?"
Raidou shrugged. "I dunno. Sometimes I break up, sometimes they do." He frowned and glowered up at her. "*Don't* take this the wrong way, but two of them broke up with me because they thought I was too girly. Which I *don't* get."
She didn't comment on that at first, instead giving up on this particular mass of clay and tossing it into a bucket. "Well, do you usually end on a fight, or do you just lose interest after three dates?"
Raidou relaxed. "Just lose interest. I'm generally friends with my old exes."
She wondered briefly if he tended to go shopping with them and decided not to give into the cliche. "You lose interest after three dates?"
"Well, yeah. I mean, you generally know if you're gonna fit, right?"
She resisted all of the potential jokes she could have made there. Amiri pondered the shower facet that stuck out of the side of the house, set there just for when she was covered in mud. She wondered if he'd react if she stripped down to use it, and figured he might because A), naked person and B), he might know he was supposed to. She decided a clothes-on hose-down would be good enough. She flipped on the water and stepped under the really freakin' cold torrent. At least most of the clay particles were dislodged.
"I could make that use warm water, you know," Raidou pointed out, smirking at the goosebumps and other things now sticking out from under her shirt. "I mean, you look a little chilly."
She shrugged and went back into the sun, sitting down at her workbench and starting to paint a small miniature duck.
Raidou watched it take shape, more interested in that than anything else. He liked watching people paint. It was kinda neat.
She finished one duck, set it down, and glanced up. "You wanna try?"
"Ah, no," Raidou laughed, shaking his head and holding up one hand. "My eight-year-old daughter can draw better than I can. It's pretty pathetic."
"Three dates, and you managed to produce a kid?"
He laughed. "Two, actually. The second and last date, and two months later her mom came up to me with a surprise . . ."
She was trying to be polite to this poor, poor in denial doofus, but she really wanted to point out that he didn't need to be straight for one night stands. "Any other kids that you know about?"
"I've been careful since--and none that I know of before," Raidou said wryly. Then he flushed. "Actually, half the time it doesn't get that far anyway . . ." He sighed mournfully.
'Cause you're gay! Amiri didn't say. "Ah," she said instead. She knew this would come up with Ibiki later, because she wasn't going to be able to keep it to herself. He was as gay as Ibiki was straight. Like ninety-eight percent.
Raidou eyed her. That had been an awfully suspicious 'ah.' He'd gotten good at deciphering them, hearing them as often as he had, lately. "It means the girls are careful, not that I'm gay," he said.
She just looked up at him and grinned. "Where do you usually pick up chicks?"
He rubbed the back of his neck, leaving a dirt smear through his hair. "Uh. Bars."
"So you pick up chicks from bars, where women are usually looking for quick one night-stands, and you strike out half the time," Amiri said slowly.
He flushed. "Uh. I guess." Put that way, it was downright embarrassing. "Don't tell anyone, okay?"
"Why do you really think you strike out half the time?"
He offered a smile. "Because I'm looking for more than a one-night stand and I scare girls away?"
"If you're looking for more than one night, you should stop looking in bars."
"Bars are easy," Raidou sighed. "And G--my friends are there."
"And who's there?"
He mumbled, "Genma. My friends. And, yeah, okay fine, Genma. But he's my *best* friend, and he picks up too, okay?"
All she could think was that he was so gay. Amiri stared at him.
"Guys go to bars to pick up all the time!"
Amiri stared.
"They do! And we go in groups, just like girls!"
Amiri stared.
"Asuma's usually there, and that doesn't mean *he's* gay," Raidou said.
Amiri stared.
"I still have sex, you know. I'm not a monk."
Amiri stared.
"Fuck," Raidou muttered, and glared at the plants.
"How many relationships has Genma been in? What do you think his average is? Four dates?"
Raidou snorted bitterly. "Genma, much as I love--LIKE! it's a phrase, okay!--I mean, he doesn't have an average. He doesn't *date*. He's like the village carrier monkey, and just sleeps with as many people as he can."
"That doesn't sound particularly healthy," Amiri said.
"I know," Raidou said morosely, infinitely more comfortable now that they were talking about *someone else.*
"How long has he been doing this?"
Raidou shrugged. "Since we were in our early twenties, I guess."
"Well, was there a bad mission or something?" Amiri asked curiously.
"Not that I know of," Raidou muttered. "And I went on almost all his missions with him. He just . . . I don't know. I figure it was hormonal or a break up I didn't hear about. He just started going kinda funny, and then got all sleep-around-ish."
"'Kinda funny' how?"
Raidou shrugged again, plucking at a leaf. "You know. All weird and touchy and half clingy. Only it was okay, and I was dating this girl and he didn't like her--maybe they fought?" he suggested hopefully.
"Uh huh."
He continued, "And that's when he started drinking and bed hopping." Raidou frowned. "He ended up smashed at my place *a lot.*"
"Was that the first girlfriend you had he didn't like?"
Raidou scratched the back of his head. "Well . . . it was the first girlfriend I had for more than two days. The others he didn't seem to care about."
Because they probably didn't seem like threats, Amiri figured. "Does Genma act that way with any of his other friends?"
"I guess so," Raidou said. Then he paused. "Well, he doesn't seem to care that Asuma and Kurenai are dating, but we all like her. She gets drunk with the rest of the guys and tries to beat Genma at darts. And loses. But she's the only one who'll play with him at all."
"Did any of the others boys have girlfriends to get jealous of? I mean, who hangs out in your group?"
Raidou leaned back, thinking. "Well, me and Genma. The camping troupe--"
"And you list Genma first."
"He's my *best friend*," Raidou said loudly. Then he purposefully went back to thinking. "The camping troupe--who's the unofficial group--is me--" he glared at her and said, "And *Genma*, and Iruka . . . Hayate was, and Asuma and Gai . . . and Kakashi now, since he's a guy and he's dating Iruka. We're trying to be nice. He's a cute kid, if a little freakin' psychotic sometimes."
She reviewed the list in her mind thinking, 'His version of these people probably look the same, so aside from the fact that Kakashi got moved to the bottom of the list because of apparent psychosis, he's listed them in terms of hotness. By age and looks . . .' "So you've listed the youngest first?"
He thought. "I suppose," he said with a shrug. "Except Genma."
"Who goes to the front of the list. Because he's your best friend."
"Yeah," Raidou said slowly, feeling like he'd stepped into a trap and not sure why.
"Why do you think you're straight?"
Raidou blinked. "Well, I'm *thirty-two.* I mean, if I were gay I'm pretty sure I'd have noticed by now. And--I like girls. They're pretty." He shrugged. "I have a daughter. Gay guys don't have kids."
"Yeah they do."
He waved a hand. "Yeah, okay, if they adopt or find a host mom. But . . . " he frowned. Wait. That kind of ruined his theory. "They don't have kids by having sex with a woman," he said.
"Yeah they do."
He blinked. "No they don't."
"Do you know what my specialty at the hospital is?"
"Gay men getting pregnant?" Raidou asked sarcastically.
"Sex and fertility."
He blushed. "Oh. That's, uh . . ." what did one say to that? "Interesting."
"Occasionally, gay couples will find a host mother or father to either impregnate or get knocked up by one of the gay couple. The old fashioned way to do it is sex."
Raidou frowned. "But Genma is gay, and--" he stopped. He'd been going to say he didn't think Genma could get hard off a girl, from the way Genma spoke, but then he realized the other man *had* slept with women. "Huh," he said finally, and fell silent, pondering that.
"Why did you think you were straight before you had a daughter? When you first started dating?"
"It just seemed . . . normal." He gave her a weak glare. "And I haven't been brainwashed by society, so don't start."
"Does that happen a lot there? People being brainwashed by society?"
Raidou scowled. "Genma's always going on about how there would be more bi people if they weren't brainwashed into thinking they were supposed to only sleep with the opposite sex."
"Do you argue with him about that?" Amiri asked, still sounding calm and curious--and non-threatening.
"All the fucking *time*," Raidou groaned. "Well, not argue. He just rants and I pretend to listen."
"Ah. And why does he think he's not straight, out of curiosity?"
That was a better question. It wasn't often that people questioned Genma's gayness, and it somehow made Raidou feel victorious. Finally, he wasn't the one who needed to change. "I have no idea. I guess because he doesn't seem interested in girls. And they'll walk around him half-naked! He just marched into the women's bathhouse once to ask what shampoo this girl was using 'cause he liked the scent, and *no one* protested. It was bizarre."
"Were you there with him that day?"
Raidou grinned. "Yeah. I followed him to the door, anyway. I didn't go in. It was pretty full . . ."
"So were all the girls naked? Can you tell me any details about the girls, or do you just remember Genma walking up to the one chick and asking, 'I really like the way your hair smells, what shampoo do you use?'"
Raidou hesitated, flustered. "Well, I guess some of them were naked and some were in towels--I mean, how often do you see a guy just walk up to a girl like that? It takes guts! I kept waiting for him to get punched and it didn't happen!"
"How often do you get to go halfway into the girl's locker room when they're in various stages of undress?"
"I--I mean--I'd seen naked girls, so . . ."
"You'd probably seen Genma do ballsy things by then, too," Amiri pointed out.
"Well. Yeah. But that never gets old." He grinned. "Genma is gutsy that way. It's fun."
"Sounds like you admire him a lot. He's a pretty admirable guy in this world too," Amiri said, backing off slightly.
Raidou's smile--which had been getting dopier by the minute--dropped. "Yeah, pushy in this world. I mean, in mine too, but in mine he's not constantly throwing 'gay' in my face . . ."
"Yours doesn't ever try to throw it in your face?"
"Once," Raidou said slowly. "We had a big fight and I didn't talk to him for days . . . and then he apologized, which just seemed weird, but I realized I was being an ass so we went back to talking."
"So . . . did he just decide to agree with you, or does he just not bring it up because it upsets you?" Do you even know the right answer to this question? she wondered.
"I . . . I'd assumed he figured I was straight, but I never really asked . . ."
So no, he didn't know the answer to the question, she thought, checking it off her mental list. "Do you ever try to talk about him sleeping around?"
"You know, it's funny you mention that, because that's how the one fight started."
Amiri had had lots of practice keeping a straight face through stories like, "Well, the dog licks his balls . . . and that's how I threw my back out and am talking to a sex specialist," so she was able to keep a straight face through this conversation, too. Practice was helpful.
"Oh, really? You mean the one where he tried to throw 'gay' in your face?"
"Yeah," Raidou said. "That one."
"That doesn't seem like odd timing? For him to throw 'gay' in your face?"
"Why would that be odd timing?"
"It just seems odd, that's all," she said, hoping he'd just keep talking. If only she'd been taping it. If she could play the conversation back, he might actually get it. "So were you trying to do like, an intervention on his whole whoring around thing?"
"He's not a *whore*," Raidou muttered, then said, "I tried to convince him he should just settle down with *one* person. At least for a little while. I was worried."
"You haven't settled down with one person though, right?"
"Well, no. But for every one person I see, he'll see four or five . . ."
"And you think that's excessive?"
"Heck, I think *I'm* excessive. It's like he's trying to beat me or something. Every time I find a girl, he starts sleeping around like *mad.*"
'Because he's upset you're not sleeping with *him!*' she didn't say.
As her silence stretched, he added, "It just pisses me off."
"Why does it piss you off? Because it starts up when you find a girl? Or because he does it at all?"
"Because he does it at all! He's going to get sick or--or--I don't know."
"So you're worried about him."
"Well. Yeah. I've known him for like, ever. And he's not like a girlfriend--he's always there. And if he got sick then he wouldn't be there."
Which is exactly what a girlfriend should be if you're straight! Amiri wanted to shout. Don't you ever read books? But she was good at her job, and didn't shout any such thing. She just thought it really really loud, and started painting a horse. "He's important to you, then."
"Of course," Raidou said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I mean, he's . . . he's Genma." He flushed. "Okay, that was dumb."
"I think it was sweet."
He looked at her suspiciously, but she didn't say the G word so he relaxed. "I suppose. Sounds like a cheesy romance novel."
"But those all have happy endings," she pointed out. "There are worse things to be stuck in than a cheesy romance novel."
Raidou laughed. "Yeah, it would be really awful if our world was controlled by two under-sexed twenty-somethings."
Crickets chirped.
**
Genma eyed the (overly) dressed Raidou and smiled sleepily. "D'j'you bring me coffee?" he asked from under the pile of blankets that smelled like them.
"With cream, right?"
He'd remembered. Raidou never remembered. Genma sighed happily and sat up--and frowned slightly. He didn't remember things like that, and the scars were wrong . . . He began to stand up to get his coffee, and his legs gave out. He plopped back down on the bed, stunned.
Raidou set the coffee down and stepped over. "You okay?"
Genma laughed. "Uh, yeah. Apparently I'm sore." It had been a long, long time since he'd been *sore* from *sex.* Of course, he didn't normally have this much sex over a five-day period. Hee.
"I'm sorry," Raidou said automatically, and he genuinely meant it. It'd been way too easy to think about his Genma, and get perhaps a tad over-enthusiastic.
Genma grinned and reached for his coffee. "No, no, a good sort of sore," he said, sipping. Ah, coffee. Sex. Coffee. Raidou. More sex. Yeah. He peered around, realizing he should probably get dressed if they were going to get on their way. After another minute he reached up with a hand, looking as pleading as he could manage--which really wasn't very pleading, because he knew damn well he also looked utterly smug. "Help me up?"
Raidou leaned over and kissed him instead.
Genma laughed into it. "Not the kind of 'up' I was thinking . . ."
"It's a good morning kiss. You weren't awake when I left for the coffee."
"That's your fault," Genma said, standing. "You kept me up half the night." He paused, then said, "Probably more . . ." But damn, it had been fun.
"Need to get some more rest in, then?" Raidou asked. "We don't actually have to leave until eleven."
Genma glanced at the clock. Seven a.m. Then he considered how wobbly his legs were. "You know, I'm thinking traveling slow might be a good idea," he said after a minute, sadly since in four hours there could be a lot of sex. "I'm not sure I can sprint to the village . . ."
"We could find a good place to camp, though," Raidou pointed out. "One more night wouldn't hurt." Iruka hadn't been sure about that 'two weeks' thing. Raidou doubted it was an exact science.
"Hmm. Yeah, good idea," Genma said, and flopped back to the bed.
Raidou sat down next to him and rubbed his belly. "If you're tired you should get some more sleep."
Genma eyed him, one lid closed. "Yeah. You tired?"
Raidou shrugged. "I can never fall asleep after dawn. Maybe this afternoon I'll take a nap."
That was too bad. Genma liked the way Raidou smelled. Still, it was going a lot better than he'd expected it possibly could.
A lot better.
Freakishly better, really, considering Raidou kept saying he wasn't gay. Not even the first morning after had been bad. Genma tried not to frown, tried to keep his face neutral. It seemed that every time he started to think along these lines, Raidou got horny, and he got distracted. Maybe there was an explanation that didn't end up in something scary.
He was missing scars . . .
"Are you gay now?" Genma asked finally.
Raidou appeared to think about it long and hard for a moment. "Well, it's not really official until you've been fucked, right?"
Genma grinned and pushed up onto one elbow. "Well, we could check that." Suddenly, a lack of scars didn't seem like such a big deal. Damn libido.
Two hours later, Genma was pretty sure Raidou was gay. And then he took a nap.
When he woke, everything was packed except for his clothes. Raidou was nudging his shoulder, saying, "C'mon, we gotta get out of here in five minutes. I let you sleep as long as I could."
Genma stumbled out of the blankets, nearly falling on his face--but falling on Raidou's chest instead, which was nice--when one foot wouldn't come free. Raidou half picked him up and got him untangled before setting him back on the bed and handing him his pants. "Come on. Legs go in first."
Genma snorted. "Yeah, thanks, I got it." He took his pants and shoved his legs in, hopping up and around until he stopped stepping on the cuffs.
Raidou was so damn *chipper*. Raidou was often chipper, but . . . well, he'd just figured out he was gay and . . . Genma hadn't expected him to be so chipper.
Damn it.
He eyed the man's back. There were scars there that should have been and weren't, and scars that shouldn't have been and were, and some that were just right. He kinda hoped he was going crazy.
Since when did Raidou carry lube, though?
Raidou kicked the tiny wastebasket filled mostly with used condoms to one side. He picked up the lube bottle in question, shook it, frowned at the emptiness and put it away. "You know, we both smell like strawberries now."
"So get cream-flavored and we'll use both. Make peoples' mouths water," Genma smirked.
"I think you make peoples' mouth water anyway," Raidou said.
Raidou never made comments like that. He was taking this waaaaay too well. Genma eyed him. "Huh. Thanks," he said slowly. "We should probably go."
Raidou said, "I already gave them our key. I actually came in through the window. They think we're gone."
Genma laughed and stepped up onto the windowsill. "Windows. This is so much easier when the rooftops are built closer together . . ."
"Do you need me to catch you?" Raidou asked teasingly.
Genma snorted and jumped. Then almost fell on his butt, because his legs were apparently still wobbly. Five *days* of sex would do that. Raidou landed next to him and held out a hand. "You okay?" He asked, laughing.
Genma flushed, embarrassed. "Peachy," he muttered. Damn it, Raidou had *just* been the bottom and he was *still* fine! That was stupid.
And entirely un-Raidou-like. Genma was sure of that. He'd seen Raidou after Raidou'd been laid and Raidou was always dopey. And after a prostate exam the guy *always* bitched. He was probably just denying the fact that he didn't mind it. But, still, none of those behaviors matched this behavior.
"I'm okay," he said, grinning sheepishly, and took a step away.
"Well, I already bought sandwiches," Raidou said, "so we can eat on the way out of town."
By the time seven o' clock hit, there was no village in sight, and Genma was starting to get paranoid. Well, more paranoid.
There weren't the right scars. Raidou was acting *odd*, almost like he'd been screwed before and--well, Genma knew he *hadn't*, and Genma knew how to be careful but *fuck.* Raidou was acting so nonchalant and like nothing big had happened and he wasn't complaining about being hungry or eating all of Genma's rations and he'd remembered the coffee and Raidou never remembered shit like that. And it had been this way for the last five days.
No, wait the last two weeks. Almost two weeks of mission, and Genma was realizing that . . . Raidou had been odd the whole time.
But it smelled right, and he so badly wanted it to be the right Raidou. Oh, gods, did it smell right.
And every time he started to get suspicious, Raidou would get closer and closer and that smell would distract him . . . that couldn't be coincidence, as much as he wanted it to be.
The sun was starting to set when Raidou stopped, glancing around. "This looks like a good place. Why don't we just stop and eat here?"
Genma startled, having thoroughly convinced himself that Something Was Really Wrong. "Uh, sure," he said, glancing around. Far from any towns. Far, far from any towns.
Shit, if this wasn't Raidou, and it was still a Jounin, he was going to get his *ass* kicked. But why wait until after sex? Maybe the guy wanted information and was hoping he'd open up. And if he didn't open up--he really didn't want to think about that.
Raidou produced sandwiches and more beer from the brewery. "I don't have cups so we'll just have to share the jug," he said.
Genma supposed that way he would know it wasn't poisoned . . . and Raidou was carrying poisoned senbon! Raidou didn't *carry* senbon! "Sure," he said, and then realized that this Raidou had said he'd had tolerance for that insecticide and damn it! He just had to act normal.
Raidou shrugged and started munching on a pickle as he handed over the jug.
"Pickles?" Genma asked, eyebrows rising.
"I got two, you can have one," Raidou said.
Genma didn't point out that the oddity was that he had them in the first place. Raidou didn't think of details like that. He took his sandwich and realized it was different than the one Raidou was eating. It had *good* stuff in it. He glanced between them. "Damn. This is good," he said lamely.
"Well, you said you didn't like mayonnaise, and they didn't have the mozzarella cheese but they had artichokes, and you'd mentioned enjoying those." Raidou shrugged and took a bite out of his. "Glad you like it."
Genma hesitated and then finally bit down. Gods, he hoped it wasn't drugged. If they wanted information . . . what, truth drugs? Maybe just a mild sedative . . . but they'd try talking first . . . they could have done drugs when he was afterglowed out.
Maybe it was Raidou. Really. Hit on the head and it had brought about this personality shift . . . Still, he missed the old Raidou, even if he was an idiot who thought he was straight. "You have any head injuries recently?" he asked slowly.
"Nope."
Damn. The sandwich didn't *taste* drugged.
Raidou sighed mentally. Crap. Genma was getting suspicious again, and he didn't really want to have sex in the forest, it was filled with bugs and sticks and it wasn't like it was really his Genma anyway so he didn't *really* want to have sex again and there was someone in the trees. Crap.
Genma had another bite of sandwich to be certain.
"So, did you pick up a postcard in the last town? You know, for your collection?" Raidou asked, thinking, 'Play along with it, you stupid bastard! Just keep talking! 'Cake mission' my ass. I'm going to beat that scrawny little Iruka to death when I get back to town.'
Genma felt another chakra signature in the trees and froze. Shit. *Shit.* He put the sandwich down.
"Oh, did you forget?" Raidou asked. 'Come on,' he thought. "Bummer. I bet your niece'll be disappointed."
"Yeah," Genma said, mentally checking his senbon. If he jumped and threw, maybe he could get both the guy and this "Raidou" before they realized he'd clued in . . . "I bet she will." He didn't even *have* a niece. This guy thought *that* would distract him? He wasn't getting jumped! Fuck, but Raidou--or maybe this wasn't Raidou, but it did smell right, maybe it was a weird brain-control jutsu or there was a *reason* he was going crazy--like his family had been abducted and were being held for ransom. Raidou was simply a better ninja than he was and *could* outfight him, there was a reason Raidou was Jounin and Genma was Special Jounin!
He was so dead.
The chakra signature bolted out of the trees, rapidly followed by a second, stronger signature.
They were aiming straight for Genma. Fuck. Fuck! It *was* a trap and something was wrong and he really hoped Raidou wasn't in on--
One of them fell over dead, stabbed in the leg with a senbon Raidou had thrown. Well, that was good. That was very good, but Genma still wasn't sure about any of this.
He spat one senbon at the other intruder, and hurled one from his sleeve at Raidou. Knock him out and then he could find out *what* was going on--
The intruder shinobi fell asleep instantly, and the other senbon sunk into Raidou's shoulder.
Raidou only looked from the senbon to Genma, slightly insulted. "Hey! Did you just throw that on purpose?"
Shit. He had a tolerance to the sleeping drugs. Of course. He had sleeping senbon, so . . .
"Ah, sorry," Genma lied. He wasn't getting out of this alive. He turned and bolted, hoping he could maybe take Raidou by surprise enough that--
Sharp steel slid into his butt. He dropped off the branch he was on and saw Raidou running for him, but was asleep before he hit.
*****************
In Which Raidou Gets A Talking-To About His Sexuality, and Genma is Quite Put Out
Authors: MessyPeaches and JBMcDragon
Status: In progress
Rating: Er. There's one chapter that's like, hard R/soft NC-17. R overall for language.
Summary: Following in the footsteps of Volume 1 and Volume 2, shit happens. Momo and JB laugh.
Volume 3, Chapter 1
Vol 3, Chapter 2
Vol 3, Chapter 3
JB and Momo
Chapter Four
"You know," Amiri said, "microwaves really don't cost as much as they were trying to tell you. There's toasters out there that cost more than a decent microwave. Although the one our Raidou bought was probably a more expensive one."
Raidou ripped out another weed and poked at the dirt. "I know. I checked them out in the store. But it's easier to be *here* than *there.*" He smiled up at her lopsidedly and shrugged.
"I kinda wondered if you knew, but thought I might as well make it official." The sun caught the mud spattered all over her and made the pot she was throwing look even wetter than it actually was. Raidou looked back at the garden, which was far more interesting. It had weeds.
"Well, it's weird. Being there." He frowned. "Plus Genma accuses me of being gay every other sentence." He ripped out another weed. He was pretty sure they were secret ninja weeds, because nothing should grow back as fast as they did.
"Well, that's because you are," Amiri said.
Raidou winced. "I'm *not.*"
"I'm covered in mud, and my shirt is sticking to me, and you haven't looked at me more than twice since I got home. You're gay."
"I have a girlfriend," Raidou countered, "and you're dating Ibiki, who scares the shit out of me--even if yours is apparently saner than mine." He muttered, "I mean, he hasn't tried to dissect me yet, so I'm assuming here . . ."
"Us both being in relationships just means you don't act on anything you're thinking, it doesn't mean you don't look," Amiri pointed out.
"Maybe I'm just a gentleman," Raidou said, then added, "are you looking at me?" to prove his point.
"Well, yeah, but you're gay, so it's not like there's any chance there. It's kinda like looking at a really pretty, sexy statue in a museum. Kinda like having nice lawn art."
Raidou looked away from the weeds long enough to stare at her incredulously. She was focused on her pot. "Amiri!" he yelped. "That's just--just--you're not supposed to--" he lost his train of thought. Or maybe never had one, but he couldn't figure out what he wanted to say. He turned back to the weeds. They made sense.
"You've got nice shoulders," she offered. "I'm a fan of shoulders, aren't you?"
Raidou snorted a laugh. "Yeah, shoulders are nice." He shot a look over his shoulder. "So are breasts."
She just nodded in agreement, finally stopping her wheel and looking at her finished product. Then she punched it, squishing it back down in to a shapeless blob.
"Don't you get tired of reshaping that all the time?" Raidou asked curiously.
"I need five that match. This one didn't match. I already have two that go together," she explained. "I have to get it right this time or the clay's too soft to squish it again."
"Why five?" Raidou asked, settling back on an arm in the dirt.
"I used to have five in my entryway and one of them broke and now I need to replace them. But they were raku so I can't exactly replicate them, so I need to replace them."
"You could just have four," Raidou pointed out.
"But then one of my trees would die."
"Ahhhhh." All of Raidou's plants died, unless someone else took care of them. He didn't say so. People who actually got things to grow were always horrified when he admitted that. "How long have you been dating Ibiki?" he asked conversationally.
"About two years," Amiri answered.
Raidou whistled. "That's practically forever."
"Not one for long relationships, huh?"
"No," Raidou said. "I think my average is three. My current girlfriend and I have been dating for . . . well, counting this week, two weeks. But she was on a mission before I left."
"Three . . . what, months?"
Raidou barked a laugh and then realized she was serious. "Oh. Um, three dates."
"Uh huh," Amiri said blandly. "Why do you usually break up?"
Raidou shrugged. "I dunno. Sometimes I break up, sometimes they do." He frowned and glowered up at her. "*Don't* take this the wrong way, but two of them broke up with me because they thought I was too girly. Which I *don't* get."
She didn't comment on that at first, instead giving up on this particular mass of clay and tossing it into a bucket. "Well, do you usually end on a fight, or do you just lose interest after three dates?"
Raidou relaxed. "Just lose interest. I'm generally friends with my old exes."
She wondered briefly if he tended to go shopping with them and decided not to give into the cliche. "You lose interest after three dates?"
"Well, yeah. I mean, you generally know if you're gonna fit, right?"
She resisted all of the potential jokes she could have made there. Amiri pondered the shower facet that stuck out of the side of the house, set there just for when she was covered in mud. She wondered if he'd react if she stripped down to use it, and figured he might because A), naked person and B), he might know he was supposed to. She decided a clothes-on hose-down would be good enough. She flipped on the water and stepped under the really freakin' cold torrent. At least most of the clay particles were dislodged.
"I could make that use warm water, you know," Raidou pointed out, smirking at the goosebumps and other things now sticking out from under her shirt. "I mean, you look a little chilly."
She shrugged and went back into the sun, sitting down at her workbench and starting to paint a small miniature duck.
Raidou watched it take shape, more interested in that than anything else. He liked watching people paint. It was kinda neat.
She finished one duck, set it down, and glanced up. "You wanna try?"
"Ah, no," Raidou laughed, shaking his head and holding up one hand. "My eight-year-old daughter can draw better than I can. It's pretty pathetic."
"Three dates, and you managed to produce a kid?"
He laughed. "Two, actually. The second and last date, and two months later her mom came up to me with a surprise . . ."
She was trying to be polite to this poor, poor in denial doofus, but she really wanted to point out that he didn't need to be straight for one night stands. "Any other kids that you know about?"
"I've been careful since--and none that I know of before," Raidou said wryly. Then he flushed. "Actually, half the time it doesn't get that far anyway . . ." He sighed mournfully.
'Cause you're gay! Amiri didn't say. "Ah," she said instead. She knew this would come up with Ibiki later, because she wasn't going to be able to keep it to herself. He was as gay as Ibiki was straight. Like ninety-eight percent.
Raidou eyed her. That had been an awfully suspicious 'ah.' He'd gotten good at deciphering them, hearing them as often as he had, lately. "It means the girls are careful, not that I'm gay," he said.
She just looked up at him and grinned. "Where do you usually pick up chicks?"
He rubbed the back of his neck, leaving a dirt smear through his hair. "Uh. Bars."
"So you pick up chicks from bars, where women are usually looking for quick one night-stands, and you strike out half the time," Amiri said slowly.
He flushed. "Uh. I guess." Put that way, it was downright embarrassing. "Don't tell anyone, okay?"
"Why do you really think you strike out half the time?"
He offered a smile. "Because I'm looking for more than a one-night stand and I scare girls away?"
"If you're looking for more than one night, you should stop looking in bars."
"Bars are easy," Raidou sighed. "And G--my friends are there."
"And who's there?"
He mumbled, "Genma. My friends. And, yeah, okay fine, Genma. But he's my *best* friend, and he picks up too, okay?"
All she could think was that he was so gay. Amiri stared at him.
"Guys go to bars to pick up all the time!"
Amiri stared.
"They do! And we go in groups, just like girls!"
Amiri stared.
"Asuma's usually there, and that doesn't mean *he's* gay," Raidou said.
Amiri stared.
"I still have sex, you know. I'm not a monk."
Amiri stared.
"Fuck," Raidou muttered, and glared at the plants.
"How many relationships has Genma been in? What do you think his average is? Four dates?"
Raidou snorted bitterly. "Genma, much as I love--LIKE! it's a phrase, okay!--I mean, he doesn't have an average. He doesn't *date*. He's like the village carrier monkey, and just sleeps with as many people as he can."
"That doesn't sound particularly healthy," Amiri said.
"I know," Raidou said morosely, infinitely more comfortable now that they were talking about *someone else.*
"How long has he been doing this?"
Raidou shrugged. "Since we were in our early twenties, I guess."
"Well, was there a bad mission or something?" Amiri asked curiously.
"Not that I know of," Raidou muttered. "And I went on almost all his missions with him. He just . . . I don't know. I figure it was hormonal or a break up I didn't hear about. He just started going kinda funny, and then got all sleep-around-ish."
"'Kinda funny' how?"
Raidou shrugged again, plucking at a leaf. "You know. All weird and touchy and half clingy. Only it was okay, and I was dating this girl and he didn't like her--maybe they fought?" he suggested hopefully.
"Uh huh."
He continued, "And that's when he started drinking and bed hopping." Raidou frowned. "He ended up smashed at my place *a lot.*"
"Was that the first girlfriend you had he didn't like?"
Raidou scratched the back of his head. "Well . . . it was the first girlfriend I had for more than two days. The others he didn't seem to care about."
Because they probably didn't seem like threats, Amiri figured. "Does Genma act that way with any of his other friends?"
"I guess so," Raidou said. Then he paused. "Well, he doesn't seem to care that Asuma and Kurenai are dating, but we all like her. She gets drunk with the rest of the guys and tries to beat Genma at darts. And loses. But she's the only one who'll play with him at all."
"Did any of the others boys have girlfriends to get jealous of? I mean, who hangs out in your group?"
Raidou leaned back, thinking. "Well, me and Genma. The camping troupe--"
"And you list Genma first."
"He's my *best friend*," Raidou said loudly. Then he purposefully went back to thinking. "The camping troupe--who's the unofficial group--is me--" he glared at her and said, "And *Genma*, and Iruka . . . Hayate was, and Asuma and Gai . . . and Kakashi now, since he's a guy and he's dating Iruka. We're trying to be nice. He's a cute kid, if a little freakin' psychotic sometimes."
She reviewed the list in her mind thinking, 'His version of these people probably look the same, so aside from the fact that Kakashi got moved to the bottom of the list because of apparent psychosis, he's listed them in terms of hotness. By age and looks . . .' "So you've listed the youngest first?"
He thought. "I suppose," he said with a shrug. "Except Genma."
"Who goes to the front of the list. Because he's your best friend."
"Yeah," Raidou said slowly, feeling like he'd stepped into a trap and not sure why.
"Why do you think you're straight?"
Raidou blinked. "Well, I'm *thirty-two.* I mean, if I were gay I'm pretty sure I'd have noticed by now. And--I like girls. They're pretty." He shrugged. "I have a daughter. Gay guys don't have kids."
"Yeah they do."
He waved a hand. "Yeah, okay, if they adopt or find a host mom. But . . . " he frowned. Wait. That kind of ruined his theory. "They don't have kids by having sex with a woman," he said.
"Yeah they do."
He blinked. "No they don't."
"Do you know what my specialty at the hospital is?"
"Gay men getting pregnant?" Raidou asked sarcastically.
"Sex and fertility."
He blushed. "Oh. That's, uh . . ." what did one say to that? "Interesting."
"Occasionally, gay couples will find a host mother or father to either impregnate or get knocked up by one of the gay couple. The old fashioned way to do it is sex."
Raidou frowned. "But Genma is gay, and--" he stopped. He'd been going to say he didn't think Genma could get hard off a girl, from the way Genma spoke, but then he realized the other man *had* slept with women. "Huh," he said finally, and fell silent, pondering that.
"Why did you think you were straight before you had a daughter? When you first started dating?"
"It just seemed . . . normal." He gave her a weak glare. "And I haven't been brainwashed by society, so don't start."
"Does that happen a lot there? People being brainwashed by society?"
Raidou scowled. "Genma's always going on about how there would be more bi people if they weren't brainwashed into thinking they were supposed to only sleep with the opposite sex."
"Do you argue with him about that?" Amiri asked, still sounding calm and curious--and non-threatening.
"All the fucking *time*," Raidou groaned. "Well, not argue. He just rants and I pretend to listen."
"Ah. And why does he think he's not straight, out of curiosity?"
That was a better question. It wasn't often that people questioned Genma's gayness, and it somehow made Raidou feel victorious. Finally, he wasn't the one who needed to change. "I have no idea. I guess because he doesn't seem interested in girls. And they'll walk around him half-naked! He just marched into the women's bathhouse once to ask what shampoo this girl was using 'cause he liked the scent, and *no one* protested. It was bizarre."
"Were you there with him that day?"
Raidou grinned. "Yeah. I followed him to the door, anyway. I didn't go in. It was pretty full . . ."
"So were all the girls naked? Can you tell me any details about the girls, or do you just remember Genma walking up to the one chick and asking, 'I really like the way your hair smells, what shampoo do you use?'"
Raidou hesitated, flustered. "Well, I guess some of them were naked and some were in towels--I mean, how often do you see a guy just walk up to a girl like that? It takes guts! I kept waiting for him to get punched and it didn't happen!"
"How often do you get to go halfway into the girl's locker room when they're in various stages of undress?"
"I--I mean--I'd seen naked girls, so . . ."
"You'd probably seen Genma do ballsy things by then, too," Amiri pointed out.
"Well. Yeah. But that never gets old." He grinned. "Genma is gutsy that way. It's fun."
"Sounds like you admire him a lot. He's a pretty admirable guy in this world too," Amiri said, backing off slightly.
Raidou's smile--which had been getting dopier by the minute--dropped. "Yeah, pushy in this world. I mean, in mine too, but in mine he's not constantly throwing 'gay' in my face . . ."
"Yours doesn't ever try to throw it in your face?"
"Once," Raidou said slowly. "We had a big fight and I didn't talk to him for days . . . and then he apologized, which just seemed weird, but I realized I was being an ass so we went back to talking."
"So . . . did he just decide to agree with you, or does he just not bring it up because it upsets you?" Do you even know the right answer to this question? she wondered.
"I . . . I'd assumed he figured I was straight, but I never really asked . . ."
So no, he didn't know the answer to the question, she thought, checking it off her mental list. "Do you ever try to talk about him sleeping around?"
"You know, it's funny you mention that, because that's how the one fight started."
Amiri had had lots of practice keeping a straight face through stories like, "Well, the dog licks his balls . . . and that's how I threw my back out and am talking to a sex specialist," so she was able to keep a straight face through this conversation, too. Practice was helpful.
"Oh, really? You mean the one where he tried to throw 'gay' in your face?"
"Yeah," Raidou said. "That one."
"That doesn't seem like odd timing? For him to throw 'gay' in your face?"
"Why would that be odd timing?"
"It just seems odd, that's all," she said, hoping he'd just keep talking. If only she'd been taping it. If she could play the conversation back, he might actually get it. "So were you trying to do like, an intervention on his whole whoring around thing?"
"He's not a *whore*," Raidou muttered, then said, "I tried to convince him he should just settle down with *one* person. At least for a little while. I was worried."
"You haven't settled down with one person though, right?"
"Well, no. But for every one person I see, he'll see four or five . . ."
"And you think that's excessive?"
"Heck, I think *I'm* excessive. It's like he's trying to beat me or something. Every time I find a girl, he starts sleeping around like *mad.*"
'Because he's upset you're not sleeping with *him!*' she didn't say.
As her silence stretched, he added, "It just pisses me off."
"Why does it piss you off? Because it starts up when you find a girl? Or because he does it at all?"
"Because he does it at all! He's going to get sick or--or--I don't know."
"So you're worried about him."
"Well. Yeah. I've known him for like, ever. And he's not like a girlfriend--he's always there. And if he got sick then he wouldn't be there."
Which is exactly what a girlfriend should be if you're straight! Amiri wanted to shout. Don't you ever read books? But she was good at her job, and didn't shout any such thing. She just thought it really really loud, and started painting a horse. "He's important to you, then."
"Of course," Raidou said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I mean, he's . . . he's Genma." He flushed. "Okay, that was dumb."
"I think it was sweet."
He looked at her suspiciously, but she didn't say the G word so he relaxed. "I suppose. Sounds like a cheesy romance novel."
"But those all have happy endings," she pointed out. "There are worse things to be stuck in than a cheesy romance novel."
Raidou laughed. "Yeah, it would be really awful if our world was controlled by two under-sexed twenty-somethings."
Crickets chirped.
**
Genma eyed the (overly) dressed Raidou and smiled sleepily. "D'j'you bring me coffee?" he asked from under the pile of blankets that smelled like them.
"With cream, right?"
He'd remembered. Raidou never remembered. Genma sighed happily and sat up--and frowned slightly. He didn't remember things like that, and the scars were wrong . . . He began to stand up to get his coffee, and his legs gave out. He plopped back down on the bed, stunned.
Raidou set the coffee down and stepped over. "You okay?"
Genma laughed. "Uh, yeah. Apparently I'm sore." It had been a long, long time since he'd been *sore* from *sex.* Of course, he didn't normally have this much sex over a five-day period. Hee.
"I'm sorry," Raidou said automatically, and he genuinely meant it. It'd been way too easy to think about his Genma, and get perhaps a tad over-enthusiastic.
Genma grinned and reached for his coffee. "No, no, a good sort of sore," he said, sipping. Ah, coffee. Sex. Coffee. Raidou. More sex. Yeah. He peered around, realizing he should probably get dressed if they were going to get on their way. After another minute he reached up with a hand, looking as pleading as he could manage--which really wasn't very pleading, because he knew damn well he also looked utterly smug. "Help me up?"
Raidou leaned over and kissed him instead.
Genma laughed into it. "Not the kind of 'up' I was thinking . . ."
"It's a good morning kiss. You weren't awake when I left for the coffee."
"That's your fault," Genma said, standing. "You kept me up half the night." He paused, then said, "Probably more . . ." But damn, it had been fun.
"Need to get some more rest in, then?" Raidou asked. "We don't actually have to leave until eleven."
Genma glanced at the clock. Seven a.m. Then he considered how wobbly his legs were. "You know, I'm thinking traveling slow might be a good idea," he said after a minute, sadly since in four hours there could be a lot of sex. "I'm not sure I can sprint to the village . . ."
"We could find a good place to camp, though," Raidou pointed out. "One more night wouldn't hurt." Iruka hadn't been sure about that 'two weeks' thing. Raidou doubted it was an exact science.
"Hmm. Yeah, good idea," Genma said, and flopped back to the bed.
Raidou sat down next to him and rubbed his belly. "If you're tired you should get some more sleep."
Genma eyed him, one lid closed. "Yeah. You tired?"
Raidou shrugged. "I can never fall asleep after dawn. Maybe this afternoon I'll take a nap."
That was too bad. Genma liked the way Raidou smelled. Still, it was going a lot better than he'd expected it possibly could.
A lot better.
Freakishly better, really, considering Raidou kept saying he wasn't gay. Not even the first morning after had been bad. Genma tried not to frown, tried to keep his face neutral. It seemed that every time he started to think along these lines, Raidou got horny, and he got distracted. Maybe there was an explanation that didn't end up in something scary.
He was missing scars . . .
"Are you gay now?" Genma asked finally.
Raidou appeared to think about it long and hard for a moment. "Well, it's not really official until you've been fucked, right?"
Genma grinned and pushed up onto one elbow. "Well, we could check that." Suddenly, a lack of scars didn't seem like such a big deal. Damn libido.
Two hours later, Genma was pretty sure Raidou was gay. And then he took a nap.
When he woke, everything was packed except for his clothes. Raidou was nudging his shoulder, saying, "C'mon, we gotta get out of here in five minutes. I let you sleep as long as I could."
Genma stumbled out of the blankets, nearly falling on his face--but falling on Raidou's chest instead, which was nice--when one foot wouldn't come free. Raidou half picked him up and got him untangled before setting him back on the bed and handing him his pants. "Come on. Legs go in first."
Genma snorted. "Yeah, thanks, I got it." He took his pants and shoved his legs in, hopping up and around until he stopped stepping on the cuffs.
Raidou was so damn *chipper*. Raidou was often chipper, but . . . well, he'd just figured out he was gay and . . . Genma hadn't expected him to be so chipper.
Damn it.
He eyed the man's back. There were scars there that should have been and weren't, and scars that shouldn't have been and were, and some that were just right. He kinda hoped he was going crazy.
Since when did Raidou carry lube, though?
Raidou kicked the tiny wastebasket filled mostly with used condoms to one side. He picked up the lube bottle in question, shook it, frowned at the emptiness and put it away. "You know, we both smell like strawberries now."
"So get cream-flavored and we'll use both. Make peoples' mouths water," Genma smirked.
"I think you make peoples' mouth water anyway," Raidou said.
Raidou never made comments like that. He was taking this waaaaay too well. Genma eyed him. "Huh. Thanks," he said slowly. "We should probably go."
Raidou said, "I already gave them our key. I actually came in through the window. They think we're gone."
Genma laughed and stepped up onto the windowsill. "Windows. This is so much easier when the rooftops are built closer together . . ."
"Do you need me to catch you?" Raidou asked teasingly.
Genma snorted and jumped. Then almost fell on his butt, because his legs were apparently still wobbly. Five *days* of sex would do that. Raidou landed next to him and held out a hand. "You okay?" He asked, laughing.
Genma flushed, embarrassed. "Peachy," he muttered. Damn it, Raidou had *just* been the bottom and he was *still* fine! That was stupid.
And entirely un-Raidou-like. Genma was sure of that. He'd seen Raidou after Raidou'd been laid and Raidou was always dopey. And after a prostate exam the guy *always* bitched. He was probably just denying the fact that he didn't mind it. But, still, none of those behaviors matched this behavior.
"I'm okay," he said, grinning sheepishly, and took a step away.
"Well, I already bought sandwiches," Raidou said, "so we can eat on the way out of town."
By the time seven o' clock hit, there was no village in sight, and Genma was starting to get paranoid. Well, more paranoid.
There weren't the right scars. Raidou was acting *odd*, almost like he'd been screwed before and--well, Genma knew he *hadn't*, and Genma knew how to be careful but *fuck.* Raidou was acting so nonchalant and like nothing big had happened and he wasn't complaining about being hungry or eating all of Genma's rations and he'd remembered the coffee and Raidou never remembered shit like that. And it had been this way for the last five days.
No, wait the last two weeks. Almost two weeks of mission, and Genma was realizing that . . . Raidou had been odd the whole time.
But it smelled right, and he so badly wanted it to be the right Raidou. Oh, gods, did it smell right.
And every time he started to get suspicious, Raidou would get closer and closer and that smell would distract him . . . that couldn't be coincidence, as much as he wanted it to be.
The sun was starting to set when Raidou stopped, glancing around. "This looks like a good place. Why don't we just stop and eat here?"
Genma startled, having thoroughly convinced himself that Something Was Really Wrong. "Uh, sure," he said, glancing around. Far from any towns. Far, far from any towns.
Shit, if this wasn't Raidou, and it was still a Jounin, he was going to get his *ass* kicked. But why wait until after sex? Maybe the guy wanted information and was hoping he'd open up. And if he didn't open up--he really didn't want to think about that.
Raidou produced sandwiches and more beer from the brewery. "I don't have cups so we'll just have to share the jug," he said.
Genma supposed that way he would know it wasn't poisoned . . . and Raidou was carrying poisoned senbon! Raidou didn't *carry* senbon! "Sure," he said, and then realized that this Raidou had said he'd had tolerance for that insecticide and damn it! He just had to act normal.
Raidou shrugged and started munching on a pickle as he handed over the jug.
"Pickles?" Genma asked, eyebrows rising.
"I got two, you can have one," Raidou said.
Genma didn't point out that the oddity was that he had them in the first place. Raidou didn't think of details like that. He took his sandwich and realized it was different than the one Raidou was eating. It had *good* stuff in it. He glanced between them. "Damn. This is good," he said lamely.
"Well, you said you didn't like mayonnaise, and they didn't have the mozzarella cheese but they had artichokes, and you'd mentioned enjoying those." Raidou shrugged and took a bite out of his. "Glad you like it."
Genma hesitated and then finally bit down. Gods, he hoped it wasn't drugged. If they wanted information . . . what, truth drugs? Maybe just a mild sedative . . . but they'd try talking first . . . they could have done drugs when he was afterglowed out.
Maybe it was Raidou. Really. Hit on the head and it had brought about this personality shift . . . Still, he missed the old Raidou, even if he was an idiot who thought he was straight. "You have any head injuries recently?" he asked slowly.
"Nope."
Damn. The sandwich didn't *taste* drugged.
Raidou sighed mentally. Crap. Genma was getting suspicious again, and he didn't really want to have sex in the forest, it was filled with bugs and sticks and it wasn't like it was really his Genma anyway so he didn't *really* want to have sex again and there was someone in the trees. Crap.
Genma had another bite of sandwich to be certain.
"So, did you pick up a postcard in the last town? You know, for your collection?" Raidou asked, thinking, 'Play along with it, you stupid bastard! Just keep talking! 'Cake mission' my ass. I'm going to beat that scrawny little Iruka to death when I get back to town.'
Genma felt another chakra signature in the trees and froze. Shit. *Shit.* He put the sandwich down.
"Oh, did you forget?" Raidou asked. 'Come on,' he thought. "Bummer. I bet your niece'll be disappointed."
"Yeah," Genma said, mentally checking his senbon. If he jumped and threw, maybe he could get both the guy and this "Raidou" before they realized he'd clued in . . . "I bet she will." He didn't even *have* a niece. This guy thought *that* would distract him? He wasn't getting jumped! Fuck, but Raidou--or maybe this wasn't Raidou, but it did smell right, maybe it was a weird brain-control jutsu or there was a *reason* he was going crazy--like his family had been abducted and were being held for ransom. Raidou was simply a better ninja than he was and *could* outfight him, there was a reason Raidou was Jounin and Genma was Special Jounin!
He was so dead.
The chakra signature bolted out of the trees, rapidly followed by a second, stronger signature.
They were aiming straight for Genma. Fuck. Fuck! It *was* a trap and something was wrong and he really hoped Raidou wasn't in on--
One of them fell over dead, stabbed in the leg with a senbon Raidou had thrown. Well, that was good. That was very good, but Genma still wasn't sure about any of this.
He spat one senbon at the other intruder, and hurled one from his sleeve at Raidou. Knock him out and then he could find out *what* was going on--
The intruder shinobi fell asleep instantly, and the other senbon sunk into Raidou's shoulder.
Raidou only looked from the senbon to Genma, slightly insulted. "Hey! Did you just throw that on purpose?"
Shit. He had a tolerance to the sleeping drugs. Of course. He had sleeping senbon, so . . .
"Ah, sorry," Genma lied. He wasn't getting out of this alive. He turned and bolted, hoping he could maybe take Raidou by surprise enough that--
Sharp steel slid into his butt. He dropped off the branch he was on and saw Raidou running for him, but was asleep before he hit.
*****************
