JBMcDragon (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} jbmcdragon) wrote,@ 2006-10-10 01:23:00 |
|
Title: The Bathroom Mirror Escapades, Vol. 3
In Which Raidou Gets A Talking-To About His Sexuality, and Genma is Quite Put Out
Authors: MessyPeaches and JBMcDragon
Status: In progress
Rating: Er. There's one chapter that's like, hard R/soft NC-17. R overall for language.
Summary: Following in the footsteps of Volume 1 and Volume 2, shit happens. Momo and JB laugh.
Volume 3, Chapter 1
This just earned the R rating, folks. ;)
Chapter Two
Ibiki put a lot of time and effort into things like appearances and reputation. These were, he felt, important things. Looking big and scary and having a reputation made his job easier. Being unflappable was an integral part of the whole 'bad ass' persona.
Another skill he'd patiently honed to the point of it seeming effortless was being able to read people. To see those tiny shifts in body language, tone, in the eyes, in the breathing, that let him know what the person was going to do before they did.
So far tonight though, the only thing he'd done right was a miniscule bit of rigging on a fishing barge. Dear gods, he had _fluffy_ slippers on. Ratty old robe. And a crying Jounin on his chest . . .
He used one big paw to pat at Genma's shoulders. "Look, I'm sure that--" he started.
Genma made a sort of sick wailing noise. Like that guy Ibiki'd flat out conned into thinking he'd killed his team. Great. "Genma, look--" Ibiki started, again.
A sort of sniffling moan.
"It got better last time, right?" *Try to calm him down.*
"-an it's all my fault and it was my idea and-" Genma babbled.
Ibiki took a deep inhale. Counted to ten. Genma was still babbling. *Right then.*
"Genma, you will *calm the fuck down* or I will *do it for you*," Ibiki said, finally, shifting to his 'I will *eat* what makes you human' voice and trying to back it up with his physical presence in spite of the ratty robe and the fluffy slippers.
Years of practice made it work.
Genma sniffled one last time, but visibly started to pull back together.
Thank you _gods_, Ibiki sent skyward, eye flicking to the ceiling. "Sit down," he half barked, pointing at the chair.
Genma sat.
Ibiki adjusted his not-anywhere-near-as-cool-as-his-jacket robe and composed himself. "Where is the other Raidou now?" he said.
"Back at the house," Genma said softly, rubbing at his eyes, trying to get rid of the evidence. Good. He was pulling it together.
"Alone?"
Genma nodded. "Couldn't be there. There's, there's a stranger in my bed, Ibiki."
"All right. I'm going to get dressed," Ibiki said, walking to the bed room. "Then we're going back to your house." He kept talking as he changed, slapping on the layers.
"I'm not *that* heavy a sleeper, you know," the shape on the bed informed him without moving.
"Ah. Sorry," Ibiki mumbled, sitting down to pull his boots on. "I should be back in the morning. I hope."
"Mm. What's happening?" The lump sat up, or tried too but he reached out, put a hand on her shoulder, pushed her back down lightly. "Hey." Mildly annoyed.
"I'll come get you in the morning, all right?" He offered. "Shit's happening."
She sat back up again anyway, kissed his cheek. "Okay. You'd better."
Ibiki nodded. Stepped back out into the living room, tapped Genma's shoulders.
Genma looked up. "It'll be all right," he stated, trying to make it a fact. "Ready to go?"
Ibiki nodded in agreement.
"Thanks." Genma stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking at Ibiki's feet. Then his eyes slid back to the slippers, by the bedroom door. "You have monster feet slippers? Did she get those?"
Ibiki sighed and rolled his eyes. Well, Genma was feeling well enough to be an ass. That was a step up. Sorta . . . "She'll be over in the morning," Ibiki said. "Just got off work, needs her sleep. Let's go." He opened the door, let Genma walk out. He took a moment to lock up, exhaled, and followed Genma as he started to shamble towards home.
If nothing else, this *other* Raidou wasn't going to catch him off guard.
**
Iruka woke to the smell of coffee. This was slightly odd, as he didn't actually *own* any coffee.
He cracked an eyelid and peered at the bedroom door. The previous night came back almost gleefully, like a train running him over and then doing a happy-dance on his head. Laughing. Giggling, even.
Damn trains.
He kicked off his blankets with grumpy noises--unidentifiable except as 'grumpy,' and only those who wake grumpy would understand them anyway--and staggered into the living room.
The Strange Raidou he'd brought home the night before was drinking coffee. Iruka stared. "Morning," he said finally, deciding something needed to be said.
"*My* Iruka has coffee," Strange Raidou said by way of explanation.
Iruka's nose wrinkled. He rubbed sleep out of his eyes and pondered that. "Coffee tastes *terrible,*" he said finally. "I really, *really* don't know how you drink it."
"Heathen," Raidou muttered into his cup.
Iruka snorted a laugh and headed into the kitchen to scare up food, mind already clicking along. He'd considered things the night before; Raidou couldn't stay in the village. After all, here he had a daughter and--
Iruka stared at the sink, where many coffee . . . things . . . were spread along the counter. He blinked and wondered if it would be really rude to just shove it all to one side. It was *his* counter, but he wasn't sure if there was a method to the madness. Eventually he just grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and leaned back against the oven--afraid of leaning against the coffee things. "Okay," he said, "you can't stay here. I have to teach, and *someone* who knows you is going to find you and *then* there will be trouble. Only Ibiki knows about Kakashi's bizarre mirror."
"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Raidou asked curiously.
Iruka resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Kakashi was paranoid. If possible, Ibiki was more so. Now, here's the plan. There's a mission sitting in the mission office waiting for a high-ranking ninja--oh, gods, you *are* a Jounin still, right?"
Raidou stared blankly back at him. "No, I'm a thirty-year-old Genin, you bastard. It's that first question that really gets ya every time. I've pretty much decided just to answer 'yes' till I get lucky."
Iruka snorted a laugh. "Okay, okay. Look, go to the mission office, grab the third scroll in the left drawer from the bottom. It's a cake-mission--take it and go. That'll get you out of the village and away from everyone so no one realizes something's wrong. I'm going to figure you can get to the mission office--I have to go get a new mirror before classes start . . ."
". . . And what if I don't want to?"
Iruka gave Raidou his best Annoyed Sensei glare. The one that usually even worked at getting Ibiki to listen, if not mind. "Funny. Asshole."
"You know, that glare isn't nearly as impressive when you know as many stories about a version of you as I do."
An eyebrow traveled up. "I don't care how many stories you know about a version of me. I can always tell Ibiki that something's gone wrong with the mirror, and he'll want you in for testing. Or we can be really, really so much easier about this." He smiled pleadingly. "C'mon, Raidou. Help me out here."
"What the fuck?" Raidou said in defeat. "Okay, well, what shitty little mission are you sending me on?"
Iruka smelled a win. His smile turned real. "Some guy with too much money wanted a Jounin to deliver a letter. No big deal. Just a lot of money." He thought, and added, "Which also means *great* accommodations."
"Do I get to keep the pay?"
Iruka laughed. "Sure. I don't care." He wondered briefly if his Raidou paid for Hana's things, then decided that if Raidou had enough money to go drinking, he had enough money that it wouldn't matter. When he glanced up, preparing to go shower, he caught sight of a shadow beneath the Jounin's undershirt. He wouldn't have thought anything about it, except Kakashi had a shadow just like that. Iruka paused. "Is that an ANBU tattoo?"
Raidou half nodded, pushing the sleeve up to expose it. "Yeah. Twelve years."
Iruka blinked. He couldn't even begin to imagine Raidou as an ANBU. ANBU were scary and crazy. Raidou was more like a golden retriever. "That's . . . impressive. And our Raidou really isn't. I know this is paranoid, but--hide it? People notice that stuff . . ."
Raidou nodded, put his palm over it. And then it was gone and he was going back to his coffee. Like disappearing tattoos were normal.
Iruka blinked and shook his head. This was definitely not his Raidou. This was more like a normal Kakashi in a Raidou skin.
Raidou finished his coffee. "Mission office is still in the same place here, right?"
Iruka hesitated. "From the brief look I got of your world, yes." He colored slightly, remembering. "Um, and, uh, thanks for . . . the save. Sorta."
"I'd do it for any friend I thought was cracking up." Raidou put the cup in the sink, washing up his dishes and packing up his coffee stuff. "Do you have a canvas sack I can use?"
Iruka went and got it, trying to ignore the 'cracking up' remark. He supposed it was only fair, since he'd thought they'd all been jutsu'd to crazy-land. If he could just get this Raidou out of the village, everything would be *fine.*
**
It was something like watching a car wreck, only with a vaguely uncomfortable sense that if he kept looking, he was going to--well, be aroused. But that wouldn't happen. He wasn't gay.
And these were definitely gay pictures.
Of Genma.
And himself.
And that was just Freakish.
And yet, arousing. No! Not arousing. Because he wasn't gay.
There was a particularly good--no, not good, just interesting--one of Genma sprawled across the love seat. He could see the love seat from where he sat, looking through this book of pictures that weren't hot.
Then the door opened.
Raidou nearly yelled--but managed not to--and, in a panic, tried to shove the photo albums in the only hiding place he could find at hand.
Under his butt.
". . . did you just shove something under your ass?" Ibiki asked.
Raidou shrank back a little. Ibiki looked like he was ready to head out on a mission, and Raidou had the sneaking suspicion that the mission was "Kick the new Raidou's ass."
"Uh. No?" Then he realized how stupid that was, since he was obviously SITTING ON THEM. "I mean, maybe?" He smiled.
Ibiki just looked at him blankly.
Raidou hung his head and dug the albums out from under his butt, setting them back on the table. "You . . . startled me." Gods above, he felt himself start to *blush.* "Um. I thought these were . . . other albums and, uh, I don't think they're meant for eyes other than, uh, Genma's. And--" it felt really weird to say himself. Ibiki saved him from having to.
"You were staring at their porno album, weren't you?"
The blush deepened. Raidou closed his eyes. Maybe it would all GO AWAY. "Yes," he mumbled. "I couldn't help it! It was there and I was there and . . ." He looked up sadly. "I'm really really sorry. Don't stick things in me in scary and strange places, okay?"
Ibiki just loomed in place, staring at him blankly with a look that was a combination of disgust and annoyance.
Somehow, that was even worse. Raidou kept from whimpering, but only barely. He glanced up, saw Genma and hoped that he might help--but Genma just looked mildly amused. "They're hot, aren't they?" he asked cheerfully.
Raidou tried to glare at him while still looking meek for Ibiki. He wasn't at all sure it made him look anything other than constipated. "Uh, sorry?" he tried again, speaking to Ibiki.
"That's not answering my friend's question," Ibiki said, figuring his friend needed some cheering up.
This was hell. This was the lowest level of hell. ". . . yes, sir," Raidou mumbled. "Can I go . . . elsewhere? Anywhere else? I'll sleep in the gutter, really. REALLY."
"Do you mean, 'yes sir, that wasn't a complete answer' or ' yes sir, I was incredibly aroused by pictures of my naked ass'?" Genma asked happily.
"I hate you right now," Raidou muttered. "Really." He winced, realizing how many times he'd said 'really,' and added, "A lot."
"That's still not an answer," Ibiki said. "And use complete sentences. I'd hate for this to drag on longer than it has to."
Raidou wondered if he could just *lie.* His Genma always knew when he lied. But then, he was so confused himself, it wasn't lying at all. Fuck, he hated this world. "Yes, I looked at the pictures," he snapped, going from meek and mild to vastly annoyed very quickly. "And aesthetically? Yes, they're very erotic. Very well done. Okay?" He glared.
"My Raidou took most of them."
Raidou took a deep, calming breath. "He's quite artistic," he tried to say pleasantly--and figured he failed. But, hey, he'd tried.
"Where do you want him to sleep?" Ibiki said, still staring blankly at Raidou but obviously not talking to him.
Raidou piped up anyway. "I *offered* to sleep on the couch!" He really didn't want Ibiki in here threatening him because Genma had offered his bed, and as far as he could tell that was where this was headed.
"I told him he could sleep on the bed, but if he'd rather sleep on the couch I suppose he could."
"Well, I was going to sleep in the chair," Ibiki said.
Raidou paled. "You're staying? The *night?*"
"Do you have a problem with that?" Ibiki asked quietly, and somehow sinisterly.
Raidou wilted again and glanced toward the albums. How many people *slept* over here on a regular basis? Surely *Ibiki* didn't . . . no. No. "No problem," he managed. "I just--I think I'll go to bed." He could fit on the couch, he was pretty sure. And if his feet stuck out--there was always more alcohol.
"Just go sleep in the bed," Genma said. "You don't want to be out here with Ibiki snoring."
"I don't snore," Ibiki said, sounding human for the first time.
"You snore when you sleep in that chair," Genma shot back.
Raidou sat there and wondered if they were going to sleep *together.* No. The couch wasn't big enough for that.
. . . but the floor was . . .
Raidou tried not to think about it. Much. "Right," he said, standing and edging around Ibiki. "I'm just going to go to bed, then." And lock the door, he didn't add. In fact, he might push the dresser in front of the door.
Maybe that would seem just a *touch* paranoid. Damn.
**
Raidou flipped through the scrolls. "Cake mission," he muttered to himself, "cake mission. Trying to find the cake mission."
A voice from behind--an eerily familiar voice--piped up with, "There's a cake mission in there?"
"Iruka said so," he answered almost automatically.
A body hurtled over the desk belly-down, head flopping to look into the drawer. "I want the cake-mission!"
"No! He told me about it!" Raidou said defensively, not caring that it was some weird version of Genma. Hell, the fact that it wasn't his Genma meant that he could hit it. He planted a hand in the man's shoulder and shoved.
With a yelp, Genma crashed over the side.
Weirdly, Raidou remembered this version of Genma--before he was mellowed out by nightly, constant sex.
The version stared up at him with puppy-dog-come-hither-I-want-you eyes. "Heeyyyyy . . ."
Raidou recognized the look. The, "Hey, I want the cake-mission. And your cock," look that Genma had perfected so well over the years. Luckily, the look was still in its infant stages here, so he just kept shuffling through the sheets of paper.
"Take me, too," Genma said hopefully.
Raidou looked up and grinned. He'd heard, for a second there, 'Take me now,' and figured it was probably what Genma had wanted to say. "Just trying to get out of the village for two weeks, okay? It's probably a lot crappier than Iruka told me it was. I think he's pissed at me."
Genma nodded. He knew Raidou very well, and knew that all that translated was, "Gods, I had *another* fight with my girlfriend." Secretly, this made him very very happy. He didn't let it show.
Raidou, however, after spending ten years living in the same space with the other man, noticed his face light up.
"It's probably a two-man mission, you know," Genma said happily. "And I'm bored."
"You're always bored!" Some things never changed, Raidou thought.
Genma grinned cheekily. "I'm *extra* bored. Is that the mission?" He grabbed a scroll out of the drawer lightning-quick. "Looks like a cake mission . . ."
"Genma, give that to me," Raidou said with his extra puppy-dog-eyes-look--the one he'd been practicing on *his* Genma for years. "Please?"
Genma nearly melted. Gods, but he didn't know Raidou could *do* that. The bastard was getting *hotter* by the *minute*. It really wasn't fair, he thought as he nearly handed the scroll over. He snatched his hand back at the last instant. "Two man mission. I'll take you with *me.*"
"Okay," Raidou said slowly.
Genma grinned happily. "Great. I'll just grab an extra couple'a senbon . . ."
"I've got enough," Raidou said. "I barely ever use them anyway."
Genma eyed him. Weird. "Since when do you even bother carrying them?"
Since I started dating you, Raidou thought. But he just shrugged and smiled. "Do you want the ones coated with the sleeping drug or the ones coated with the organic phosphate-insecticide shit?"
"Sleeping drug," Genma said, pushing himself to his feet. "Ass, I think you bruised my tailbone shoving me off like that . . . " he twisted around as if he could actually see it, which, of course, he couldn't.
"Don't worry, your brain is intact."
"Hey!" Genma yelped, surprised. Raidou didn't often say things like that. Just grinned all dopey so you knew he was *thinking* them behind the pretty smile.
"Can I see the cake-mission now, please?" Raidou asked nicely.
Genma pretended to think about it, reading it over himself. "Nah," he said after a bit, tucking it into the waistband of his pants. "Sorry." He grinned and tossed a senbon, catching it midair in his teeth.
Raidou waited until Genma turned away, heading for the door. Then he reached around him and yanked the scroll out. "Give me that," he said, mission coming free.
Genma froze, blinked, and wondered if he'd actually just felt Raidou yank something from his pants.
Yes. Yes, he had. It wasn't what he kept hoping Raidou'd grab, but it was a start. "You know," he said with a smirk, "there are other scrolls in my pants."
"Yes, but it doesn't have my cake-mission written on it, does it?"
Genma's smirk grew. "You won't know unless you check," he said, fully expecting Raidou to snort, roll his eyes, and walk away.
"Please. We both know if you got a tattoo on your dick it'd say something like 'Welcome Aboard.'"
Genma stared as Raidou started to read the scroll. Granted, it probably would, but that wasn't something he expected *Raidou* to point out. It would be weird, except . . . well, maybe the fight with his girlfriend had been bad and--
Nooooo. Genma just wasn't going to get his hopes up. Raidou *never* figured this out. Still, he couldn't think of anything to say to that comment. He followed Raidou almost--only almost, though--meekly from the office.
Genma froze in the doorway. Raidou hadn't said he *didn't* want to check what might be written on his dick. Just that it probably wouldn't say that.
Maybe the fight *had* been bad. He tried not to think about it.
Okay, not to think about it too much.
Okay, not overly too much.
He grinned.
**
Raidou woke when someone knocked at the front door. He dragged himself to his feet, realizing that the sun was barely peeking through the window. These people woke too damn early. They were all Kakashis. All crazy, early-morning people, all of them.
He staggered out of the bedroom, still wearing the casual wear he'd been in the day before. He'd been too busy thinking about the gay, bed-hopping man--well, *his* was--in the other room to undress.
Genma was still sacked out on the couch, looking limp and languid, and Raidou really hoped that wasn't how he looked after--wait. He wasn't thinking about that.
Very definitely not thinking about that, he looked toward the front door where Ibiki stood with a lovely young woman. She had greenish eyes and long black hair, and definite girl-hips.
See? See? Raidou thought excitedly. He liked girl-hips! He wasn't gay! He smiled half brightly, half lecherously, and knew it was all too sleep befuddled to look anything but harmless. Damn.
Then Ibiki leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He stopped trying to look lecherous and stuck with harmless. He added a dash of innocence, just to be sure.
Then he saw the muffins.
Muffins.
"Are, uh, those staying here?" he asked hopefully, edging in toward Ibiki and chancing a maiming. He'd take the chance, for the muffins.
She handed over the bag. "I know you usually don't make breakfast, but . . ."
"You're a goddess," Raidou cooed, and took the bag over to the kitchen table. There were banana muffins and poppyseed muffins and blueberry and-- "Cranberry!" he said happily.
"I brought tea, too," she added, holding up a thermos.
Raidou glanced at it. "What kind?"
"Pomegrante white tea," she said slowly. "Don't you already have coffee?"
"Nah. Too much trouble," Raidou said, around a mouthful of muffin. "Hey, Genma, do you have milk?"
Milk and muffins. Good god, he was five, Genma thought. He was so not straight. "It's in the fridge," he said. "We have goat milk, whole milk and cream."
Raidou opened the fridge, stared, then pulled out the goat milk and nearly took a swig from the carton before it occurred to him that it maybe these people wouldn't appreciate that. He took it away from his mouth slowly. "Uh, glasses?"
Amiri glanced at Ibiki. "So . . .what happened to the real Raidou and what's with the doppelganger that you haven't dissected yet?" she asked, half jokingly.
Everyone looked at her.
Raidou glanced at Genma, uncertain.
Amiri sighed. "Okay, I'm going to sit down and I'm going to have my tea and you're going to tell me what's going on."
**
It had been a nasty surprise to open the expense account envelope and realize they didn't even have enough money for a camping spot. Genma had mournfully complained that the last time they'd slept out in the cold, Raidou had elbowed him when he'd tried to 'share body heat', as he'd so delicately put it, and Raidou--much to Genma's surprise and glee (the fight, he thought, had been so bad that Raidou'd been turned off women entirely!) had suggested they just get a hotel room. On the crappy side of town. With one bed.
He was willing to put up with a bucket in the 'bathroom' as a toilet for that. One bed.
Genma was even happier when Raidou took off his shoes and gear pouches, setting them under his vest as a pillow. He wondered how far down he could strip before Raidou complained, and decided that wearing pants was *plenty* clothed enough.
Hey. They were pants.
Raidou wasn't sure if maybe getting a hotel room with just one bed and a Genma who was *stripped down to nearly nothing* and had done it sooooo almost-flirtatiously and--damn. Maybe it hadn't been the greatest idea ever. His Genma was going to chop his balls off.
Raidou lay down on the bed, as close to the wall as he could get. "Do you have enough room?"
Genma bounced into the straw-stuffed, possibly flea-ridden mattress. Then he smirked at Raidou smooshed against the wall, and purposefully sprawled out as wide as he could get. "I dunno," he said doubtfully. "Can't you move over?"
Raidou sighed and used his puppy-dog eyes again. "If you like, I guess I could sleep on the floor." He knew that was probably the last thing Genma wanted.
Genma laughed and curled in. "No, no, just teasing. See? I don't need--I mean--you're fine." He grinned.
"You look like a puppy," Raidou informed him. "The sort of puppy that should end up at the foot of the bed."
Genma looked utterly innocent and asked, "Are you suggesting I wiggle downward, darling?" He batted his eyeslashes just for good measure.
"I'm not your darling. Go to bed." There were some nicknames Raidou wouldn't put up with.
Genma snorted a laugh and turned off the oil lamp. Darkness fell.
"I think a cow lived here last," Genma said into the blackness.
The blackness made a soft sleeping noise.
Genma sighed.
From the other side of the wall by the headboard--or where one might have been, had they had one--he heard a rhythmic thumping. Great. They rented the sheds out by the hour. "Raidou?"
Raidou was half asleep, trying to ignore him.
Genma could *smell* him. He smelled good. Much better than the mattress. Genma grinned. It was a little strange that Raidou hadn't shot him down yet that day--had, in fact, one-upped him a few times. It was nice. Maybe the guy was coming around. Maybe--*maybe*--
He was trying not to get his hopes up. He really was.
It was the middle of the night when the arm first started sliding around his waist. He woke, startled, and then realized he recognized the scent . . . and Raidou's arm was *around his waist.* It was even tugging him closer. He scooted, more than happy to follow that lead.
Of course, Raidou was touchy anyway . . . but it was nice. If only for a night. He kept repeating that.
Raidou sleepily nuzzled into his neck, mumbled something about stupid missions, and went back to sleep. Genma happily went back to sleep, too.
In the morning Genma was woken by an alarm cock. He blinked. That wasn't really a cock, was it? Yes, really, Raidou was half hard and poking him in the butt. Idly, Genma wondered if he could encourage this. Hey, he would happily bottom if Raidou'd come around and--yeaaaaaaah. He wiggled.
Raidou snuggled closer.
Yessssssssss. Genma grinned, wrapping his hand around the arm across his chest and shimmying backward against the other man.
For a second, Raidou made an appreciative sounding noise, and Genma could swear that the mouth against his neck *almost* opened. Warm hot air *almost* poured across his collarbones. Then Raidou went still. "Are we dating?" he said, in a voice that was far too clear for early-morning copulation.
Genma froze. Was this some weird trick question? "Huh?" he asked, confused.
"Is that a yes or a no?"
Damn. It *was* a trick question. Eyes half-narrowed, Genma twisted until he could see Raidou's (oh so close) face. "Ummmm . . . we weren't yesterday but we could?"
Raidou just got up. "I'm going to go masturbate," he said in the same tone of voice he then used to say, "and then I'm going to go get coffee."
Genma flopped back into the bed. Damn. Shot down. Still, he'd gotten a heck of a lot farther . . . and obviously, the correct answer to 'are we dating' was "YES." With a grin and on an impulse, he shouted to Raidou's retreating back, "What if I say yes?"
"Well, now I know you're lying," Raidou said over his shoulder.
Genma kept grinning, sitting up on his elbows. "What if I'd said yes?"
"You didn't, though, did you?" Raidou said, and then he was out of sight.
For a long while Genma considered following. Hey, he'd pulled that shit before and Raidou just threw him--usually bodily--out of the bathroom. Then he decided he didn't want to leave the warm, comfy (Raidou-scented) bed.
Raidou yelled through the door, "And if you're going to masturbate, please wait for me to leave."
"Too late," Genma yelled back, grinning wickedly, eyes closed. "I was just going to use your vest here to clean up . . ." He snuggled against the vest happily.
"I really thought you could last longer than that."
"Try me and see!" Genma crowed. "I'm sure I have some left . . ."
There was no answer from Raidou. Apparently, he was focusing. Genma smirked. Not likely on girls, for once. Gods, he hoped not on girls. Damn it. Bastard Jounin. "Hey! Rai! Are you thinking of women?"
No answer.
"'Cause I wasn't."
"I know what you think about," Raidou said in a vaguely strained voice.
"What are you thinking of?" Genma asked cheerfully.
"The part where the clothes hit the floor." He didn't sound nearly as cheerful. That was normal, though. "Sexy underwear."
Genma thought about it, and decided he really was as evil as he usually was. He got up and poked his head around the bathroom door. "Really?"
Yup, sure enough, Raidou was busy doing what he had said he was busy doing. One hand braced against the wall, facing the corner, other hand busy as his shoulders and hips moved.
Raidou hadn't noticed Genma was there.
*Raidou hadn't noticed.*
Genma's eyes got wider. Holy shit. He suddenly felt like a peeping tom, rather than like a dork who was about to be flung through a wall for peering where he wasn't wanted. He practically threw himself across the bedroom and back onto the bed. He would just stay here. Yesssss.
Damn. Now he *really* needed to go take care of things. Things. Yes. That was safe. Because, damn it, he couldn't be thinking about Raidou and masturbating right that moment.
Raidou had asked him to wait until he'd left and--
There was a sharp gasp from the direction of the bathroom. Quiet and muted, but still.
Genma gritted his teeth. Now the bathroom would smell like Raidou and sex, and there was semen in there somewhere. Possibly the bucket. Damn, Raidou needed to leave. Now. "Are you leaving yet?" he called out, face still half buried in Raidou's vest.
Raidou wandered out, straightening his pants. "Yeah, thanks for waiting. Do you want coffee?"
"With cream, yeah," Genma muttered into the vest. "Out. Seriously, man. Out."
"Is my vest necessary?"
"I'm comfortable. Out."
"Okay, I'm taking your vest then," Raidou said, picking it up. "Hate to be out there naked."
Which brought a whole NEW host of images Genma hadn't needed.
"Maybe you'll last longer for the second round," Raidou teased on his way out the door.
DAMN. Genma didn't waste time.
Raidou wandered down the hall, glad he'd checked to make sure his bank account numbers and the Other Raidou's bank account numbers were the same. If he was going to be here for two weeks . . . the other guy could spare some money. He needed food, after all. Maybe things tasted different here.
As crappy as the hotel was, not far away there was a bustling downtown with apparently good food places. He stopped in somewhere that smelled good and had people inside--generally a sign that it was edible.
He tried hard not to think about the Genma back in the hotel room. 'What are you thinking about' indeed. He'd been thinking about the cute little Genma rubbing back into him and how it would have been *so nice* to just push him down and take him up on the offer, but he couldn't because this Genma was younger and different and *he wasn't married to him.*
Crepes. They had crepes. Banana crepes. He ordered several and two cups of coffee and went back to the shed-turned-hotel room.
"Did you just order the gayest breakfast you could find?" Genma asked, drying off his face after trying to wash in the basin.
"Do you think banana crepes are gay?"
"Uh, yeah," Genma snorted.
"Do you have a problem with gay things? I could go suck the cream out of these crepes by myself, you know."
Genma stared. Then he grinned. "No, no, I'll help with the sucking. I like sucking cream."
"Well, then, this one's yours."
Genma took it, still grinning. "Your vest's over there. I even cleaned off the jizz," he said, smirking. He hadn't done anything of the sort, of course. It hadn't been needed. The mattress, on the other hand . . .
Raidou shrugged. "Whatever." He gave Genma his vest back. "Ready to go? We've got a ways to travel to stay on schedule. Need to get pretty far."
"I'll go as far as you want," Genma quipped.
"I know."
Genma stared. Surely Raidou hadn't caught the double entendre. Nooo. He was just being a good shinobi and thinking of the mission. Yeah, that was it.
It certainly wasn't Raidou thinking of clever ways to bend him over things. They could probably make up the time . . .
*******************
In Which Raidou Gets A Talking-To About His Sexuality, and Genma is Quite Put Out
Authors: MessyPeaches and JBMcDragon
Status: In progress
Rating: Er. There's one chapter that's like, hard R/soft NC-17. R overall for language.
Summary: Following in the footsteps of Volume 1 and Volume 2, shit happens. Momo and JB laugh.
Volume 3, Chapter 1
This just earned the R rating, folks. ;)
Chapter Two
Ibiki put a lot of time and effort into things like appearances and reputation. These were, he felt, important things. Looking big and scary and having a reputation made his job easier. Being unflappable was an integral part of the whole 'bad ass' persona.
Another skill he'd patiently honed to the point of it seeming effortless was being able to read people. To see those tiny shifts in body language, tone, in the eyes, in the breathing, that let him know what the person was going to do before they did.
So far tonight though, the only thing he'd done right was a miniscule bit of rigging on a fishing barge. Dear gods, he had _fluffy_ slippers on. Ratty old robe. And a crying Jounin on his chest . . .
He used one big paw to pat at Genma's shoulders. "Look, I'm sure that--" he started.
Genma made a sort of sick wailing noise. Like that guy Ibiki'd flat out conned into thinking he'd killed his team. Great. "Genma, look--" Ibiki started, again.
A sort of sniffling moan.
"It got better last time, right?" *Try to calm him down.*
"-an it's all my fault and it was my idea and-" Genma babbled.
Ibiki took a deep inhale. Counted to ten. Genma was still babbling. *Right then.*
"Genma, you will *calm the fuck down* or I will *do it for you*," Ibiki said, finally, shifting to his 'I will *eat* what makes you human' voice and trying to back it up with his physical presence in spite of the ratty robe and the fluffy slippers.
Years of practice made it work.
Genma sniffled one last time, but visibly started to pull back together.
Thank you _gods_, Ibiki sent skyward, eye flicking to the ceiling. "Sit down," he half barked, pointing at the chair.
Genma sat.
Ibiki adjusted his not-anywhere-near-as-cool-as-his-jacket robe and composed himself. "Where is the other Raidou now?" he said.
"Back at the house," Genma said softly, rubbing at his eyes, trying to get rid of the evidence. Good. He was pulling it together.
"Alone?"
Genma nodded. "Couldn't be there. There's, there's a stranger in my bed, Ibiki."
"All right. I'm going to get dressed," Ibiki said, walking to the bed room. "Then we're going back to your house." He kept talking as he changed, slapping on the layers.
"I'm not *that* heavy a sleeper, you know," the shape on the bed informed him without moving.
"Ah. Sorry," Ibiki mumbled, sitting down to pull his boots on. "I should be back in the morning. I hope."
"Mm. What's happening?" The lump sat up, or tried too but he reached out, put a hand on her shoulder, pushed her back down lightly. "Hey." Mildly annoyed.
"I'll come get you in the morning, all right?" He offered. "Shit's happening."
She sat back up again anyway, kissed his cheek. "Okay. You'd better."
Ibiki nodded. Stepped back out into the living room, tapped Genma's shoulders.
Genma looked up. "It'll be all right," he stated, trying to make it a fact. "Ready to go?"
Ibiki nodded in agreement.
"Thanks." Genma stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking at Ibiki's feet. Then his eyes slid back to the slippers, by the bedroom door. "You have monster feet slippers? Did she get those?"
Ibiki sighed and rolled his eyes. Well, Genma was feeling well enough to be an ass. That was a step up. Sorta . . . "She'll be over in the morning," Ibiki said. "Just got off work, needs her sleep. Let's go." He opened the door, let Genma walk out. He took a moment to lock up, exhaled, and followed Genma as he started to shamble towards home.
If nothing else, this *other* Raidou wasn't going to catch him off guard.
**
Iruka woke to the smell of coffee. This was slightly odd, as he didn't actually *own* any coffee.
He cracked an eyelid and peered at the bedroom door. The previous night came back almost gleefully, like a train running him over and then doing a happy-dance on his head. Laughing. Giggling, even.
Damn trains.
He kicked off his blankets with grumpy noises--unidentifiable except as 'grumpy,' and only those who wake grumpy would understand them anyway--and staggered into the living room.
The Strange Raidou he'd brought home the night before was drinking coffee. Iruka stared. "Morning," he said finally, deciding something needed to be said.
"*My* Iruka has coffee," Strange Raidou said by way of explanation.
Iruka's nose wrinkled. He rubbed sleep out of his eyes and pondered that. "Coffee tastes *terrible,*" he said finally. "I really, *really* don't know how you drink it."
"Heathen," Raidou muttered into his cup.
Iruka snorted a laugh and headed into the kitchen to scare up food, mind already clicking along. He'd considered things the night before; Raidou couldn't stay in the village. After all, here he had a daughter and--
Iruka stared at the sink, where many coffee . . . things . . . were spread along the counter. He blinked and wondered if it would be really rude to just shove it all to one side. It was *his* counter, but he wasn't sure if there was a method to the madness. Eventually he just grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and leaned back against the oven--afraid of leaning against the coffee things. "Okay," he said, "you can't stay here. I have to teach, and *someone* who knows you is going to find you and *then* there will be trouble. Only Ibiki knows about Kakashi's bizarre mirror."
"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Raidou asked curiously.
Iruka resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Kakashi was paranoid. If possible, Ibiki was more so. Now, here's the plan. There's a mission sitting in the mission office waiting for a high-ranking ninja--oh, gods, you *are* a Jounin still, right?"
Raidou stared blankly back at him. "No, I'm a thirty-year-old Genin, you bastard. It's that first question that really gets ya every time. I've pretty much decided just to answer 'yes' till I get lucky."
Iruka snorted a laugh. "Okay, okay. Look, go to the mission office, grab the third scroll in the left drawer from the bottom. It's a cake-mission--take it and go. That'll get you out of the village and away from everyone so no one realizes something's wrong. I'm going to figure you can get to the mission office--I have to go get a new mirror before classes start . . ."
". . . And what if I don't want to?"
Iruka gave Raidou his best Annoyed Sensei glare. The one that usually even worked at getting Ibiki to listen, if not mind. "Funny. Asshole."
"You know, that glare isn't nearly as impressive when you know as many stories about a version of you as I do."
An eyebrow traveled up. "I don't care how many stories you know about a version of me. I can always tell Ibiki that something's gone wrong with the mirror, and he'll want you in for testing. Or we can be really, really so much easier about this." He smiled pleadingly. "C'mon, Raidou. Help me out here."
"What the fuck?" Raidou said in defeat. "Okay, well, what shitty little mission are you sending me on?"
Iruka smelled a win. His smile turned real. "Some guy with too much money wanted a Jounin to deliver a letter. No big deal. Just a lot of money." He thought, and added, "Which also means *great* accommodations."
"Do I get to keep the pay?"
Iruka laughed. "Sure. I don't care." He wondered briefly if his Raidou paid for Hana's things, then decided that if Raidou had enough money to go drinking, he had enough money that it wouldn't matter. When he glanced up, preparing to go shower, he caught sight of a shadow beneath the Jounin's undershirt. He wouldn't have thought anything about it, except Kakashi had a shadow just like that. Iruka paused. "Is that an ANBU tattoo?"
Raidou half nodded, pushing the sleeve up to expose it. "Yeah. Twelve years."
Iruka blinked. He couldn't even begin to imagine Raidou as an ANBU. ANBU were scary and crazy. Raidou was more like a golden retriever. "That's . . . impressive. And our Raidou really isn't. I know this is paranoid, but--hide it? People notice that stuff . . ."
Raidou nodded, put his palm over it. And then it was gone and he was going back to his coffee. Like disappearing tattoos were normal.
Iruka blinked and shook his head. This was definitely not his Raidou. This was more like a normal Kakashi in a Raidou skin.
Raidou finished his coffee. "Mission office is still in the same place here, right?"
Iruka hesitated. "From the brief look I got of your world, yes." He colored slightly, remembering. "Um, and, uh, thanks for . . . the save. Sorta."
"I'd do it for any friend I thought was cracking up." Raidou put the cup in the sink, washing up his dishes and packing up his coffee stuff. "Do you have a canvas sack I can use?"
Iruka went and got it, trying to ignore the 'cracking up' remark. He supposed it was only fair, since he'd thought they'd all been jutsu'd to crazy-land. If he could just get this Raidou out of the village, everything would be *fine.*
**
It was something like watching a car wreck, only with a vaguely uncomfortable sense that if he kept looking, he was going to--well, be aroused. But that wouldn't happen. He wasn't gay.
And these were definitely gay pictures.
Of Genma.
And himself.
And that was just Freakish.
And yet, arousing. No! Not arousing. Because he wasn't gay.
There was a particularly good--no, not good, just interesting--one of Genma sprawled across the love seat. He could see the love seat from where he sat, looking through this book of pictures that weren't hot.
Then the door opened.
Raidou nearly yelled--but managed not to--and, in a panic, tried to shove the photo albums in the only hiding place he could find at hand.
Under his butt.
". . . did you just shove something under your ass?" Ibiki asked.
Raidou shrank back a little. Ibiki looked like he was ready to head out on a mission, and Raidou had the sneaking suspicion that the mission was "Kick the new Raidou's ass."
"Uh. No?" Then he realized how stupid that was, since he was obviously SITTING ON THEM. "I mean, maybe?" He smiled.
Ibiki just looked at him blankly.
Raidou hung his head and dug the albums out from under his butt, setting them back on the table. "You . . . startled me." Gods above, he felt himself start to *blush.* "Um. I thought these were . . . other albums and, uh, I don't think they're meant for eyes other than, uh, Genma's. And--" it felt really weird to say himself. Ibiki saved him from having to.
"You were staring at their porno album, weren't you?"
The blush deepened. Raidou closed his eyes. Maybe it would all GO AWAY. "Yes," he mumbled. "I couldn't help it! It was there and I was there and . . ." He looked up sadly. "I'm really really sorry. Don't stick things in me in scary and strange places, okay?"
Ibiki just loomed in place, staring at him blankly with a look that was a combination of disgust and annoyance.
Somehow, that was even worse. Raidou kept from whimpering, but only barely. He glanced up, saw Genma and hoped that he might help--but Genma just looked mildly amused. "They're hot, aren't they?" he asked cheerfully.
Raidou tried to glare at him while still looking meek for Ibiki. He wasn't at all sure it made him look anything other than constipated. "Uh, sorry?" he tried again, speaking to Ibiki.
"That's not answering my friend's question," Ibiki said, figuring his friend needed some cheering up.
This was hell. This was the lowest level of hell. ". . . yes, sir," Raidou mumbled. "Can I go . . . elsewhere? Anywhere else? I'll sleep in the gutter, really. REALLY."
"Do you mean, 'yes sir, that wasn't a complete answer' or ' yes sir, I was incredibly aroused by pictures of my naked ass'?" Genma asked happily.
"I hate you right now," Raidou muttered. "Really." He winced, realizing how many times he'd said 'really,' and added, "A lot."
"That's still not an answer," Ibiki said. "And use complete sentences. I'd hate for this to drag on longer than it has to."
Raidou wondered if he could just *lie.* His Genma always knew when he lied. But then, he was so confused himself, it wasn't lying at all. Fuck, he hated this world. "Yes, I looked at the pictures," he snapped, going from meek and mild to vastly annoyed very quickly. "And aesthetically? Yes, they're very erotic. Very well done. Okay?" He glared.
"My Raidou took most of them."
Raidou took a deep, calming breath. "He's quite artistic," he tried to say pleasantly--and figured he failed. But, hey, he'd tried.
"Where do you want him to sleep?" Ibiki said, still staring blankly at Raidou but obviously not talking to him.
Raidou piped up anyway. "I *offered* to sleep on the couch!" He really didn't want Ibiki in here threatening him because Genma had offered his bed, and as far as he could tell that was where this was headed.
"I told him he could sleep on the bed, but if he'd rather sleep on the couch I suppose he could."
"Well, I was going to sleep in the chair," Ibiki said.
Raidou paled. "You're staying? The *night?*"
"Do you have a problem with that?" Ibiki asked quietly, and somehow sinisterly.
Raidou wilted again and glanced toward the albums. How many people *slept* over here on a regular basis? Surely *Ibiki* didn't . . . no. No. "No problem," he managed. "I just--I think I'll go to bed." He could fit on the couch, he was pretty sure. And if his feet stuck out--there was always more alcohol.
"Just go sleep in the bed," Genma said. "You don't want to be out here with Ibiki snoring."
"I don't snore," Ibiki said, sounding human for the first time.
"You snore when you sleep in that chair," Genma shot back.
Raidou sat there and wondered if they were going to sleep *together.* No. The couch wasn't big enough for that.
. . . but the floor was . . .
Raidou tried not to think about it. Much. "Right," he said, standing and edging around Ibiki. "I'm just going to go to bed, then." And lock the door, he didn't add. In fact, he might push the dresser in front of the door.
Maybe that would seem just a *touch* paranoid. Damn.
**
Raidou flipped through the scrolls. "Cake mission," he muttered to himself, "cake mission. Trying to find the cake mission."
A voice from behind--an eerily familiar voice--piped up with, "There's a cake mission in there?"
"Iruka said so," he answered almost automatically.
A body hurtled over the desk belly-down, head flopping to look into the drawer. "I want the cake-mission!"
"No! He told me about it!" Raidou said defensively, not caring that it was some weird version of Genma. Hell, the fact that it wasn't his Genma meant that he could hit it. He planted a hand in the man's shoulder and shoved.
With a yelp, Genma crashed over the side.
Weirdly, Raidou remembered this version of Genma--before he was mellowed out by nightly, constant sex.
The version stared up at him with puppy-dog-come-hither-I-want-you eyes. "Heeyyyyy . . ."
Raidou recognized the look. The, "Hey, I want the cake-mission. And your cock," look that Genma had perfected so well over the years. Luckily, the look was still in its infant stages here, so he just kept shuffling through the sheets of paper.
"Take me, too," Genma said hopefully.
Raidou looked up and grinned. He'd heard, for a second there, 'Take me now,' and figured it was probably what Genma had wanted to say. "Just trying to get out of the village for two weeks, okay? It's probably a lot crappier than Iruka told me it was. I think he's pissed at me."
Genma nodded. He knew Raidou very well, and knew that all that translated was, "Gods, I had *another* fight with my girlfriend." Secretly, this made him very very happy. He didn't let it show.
Raidou, however, after spending ten years living in the same space with the other man, noticed his face light up.
"It's probably a two-man mission, you know," Genma said happily. "And I'm bored."
"You're always bored!" Some things never changed, Raidou thought.
Genma grinned cheekily. "I'm *extra* bored. Is that the mission?" He grabbed a scroll out of the drawer lightning-quick. "Looks like a cake mission . . ."
"Genma, give that to me," Raidou said with his extra puppy-dog-eyes-look--the one he'd been practicing on *his* Genma for years. "Please?"
Genma nearly melted. Gods, but he didn't know Raidou could *do* that. The bastard was getting *hotter* by the *minute*. It really wasn't fair, he thought as he nearly handed the scroll over. He snatched his hand back at the last instant. "Two man mission. I'll take you with *me.*"
"Okay," Raidou said slowly.
Genma grinned happily. "Great. I'll just grab an extra couple'a senbon . . ."
"I've got enough," Raidou said. "I barely ever use them anyway."
Genma eyed him. Weird. "Since when do you even bother carrying them?"
Since I started dating you, Raidou thought. But he just shrugged and smiled. "Do you want the ones coated with the sleeping drug or the ones coated with the organic phosphate-insecticide shit?"
"Sleeping drug," Genma said, pushing himself to his feet. "Ass, I think you bruised my tailbone shoving me off like that . . . " he twisted around as if he could actually see it, which, of course, he couldn't.
"Don't worry, your brain is intact."
"Hey!" Genma yelped, surprised. Raidou didn't often say things like that. Just grinned all dopey so you knew he was *thinking* them behind the pretty smile.
"Can I see the cake-mission now, please?" Raidou asked nicely.
Genma pretended to think about it, reading it over himself. "Nah," he said after a bit, tucking it into the waistband of his pants. "Sorry." He grinned and tossed a senbon, catching it midair in his teeth.
Raidou waited until Genma turned away, heading for the door. Then he reached around him and yanked the scroll out. "Give me that," he said, mission coming free.
Genma froze, blinked, and wondered if he'd actually just felt Raidou yank something from his pants.
Yes. Yes, he had. It wasn't what he kept hoping Raidou'd grab, but it was a start. "You know," he said with a smirk, "there are other scrolls in my pants."
"Yes, but it doesn't have my cake-mission written on it, does it?"
Genma's smirk grew. "You won't know unless you check," he said, fully expecting Raidou to snort, roll his eyes, and walk away.
"Please. We both know if you got a tattoo on your dick it'd say something like 'Welcome Aboard.'"
Genma stared as Raidou started to read the scroll. Granted, it probably would, but that wasn't something he expected *Raidou* to point out. It would be weird, except . . . well, maybe the fight with his girlfriend had been bad and--
Nooooo. Genma just wasn't going to get his hopes up. Raidou *never* figured this out. Still, he couldn't think of anything to say to that comment. He followed Raidou almost--only almost, though--meekly from the office.
Genma froze in the doorway. Raidou hadn't said he *didn't* want to check what might be written on his dick. Just that it probably wouldn't say that.
Maybe the fight *had* been bad. He tried not to think about it.
Okay, not to think about it too much.
Okay, not overly too much.
He grinned.
**
Raidou woke when someone knocked at the front door. He dragged himself to his feet, realizing that the sun was barely peeking through the window. These people woke too damn early. They were all Kakashis. All crazy, early-morning people, all of them.
He staggered out of the bedroom, still wearing the casual wear he'd been in the day before. He'd been too busy thinking about the gay, bed-hopping man--well, *his* was--in the other room to undress.
Genma was still sacked out on the couch, looking limp and languid, and Raidou really hoped that wasn't how he looked after--wait. He wasn't thinking about that.
Very definitely not thinking about that, he looked toward the front door where Ibiki stood with a lovely young woman. She had greenish eyes and long black hair, and definite girl-hips.
See? See? Raidou thought excitedly. He liked girl-hips! He wasn't gay! He smiled half brightly, half lecherously, and knew it was all too sleep befuddled to look anything but harmless. Damn.
Then Ibiki leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He stopped trying to look lecherous and stuck with harmless. He added a dash of innocence, just to be sure.
Then he saw the muffins.
Muffins.
"Are, uh, those staying here?" he asked hopefully, edging in toward Ibiki and chancing a maiming. He'd take the chance, for the muffins.
She handed over the bag. "I know you usually don't make breakfast, but . . ."
"You're a goddess," Raidou cooed, and took the bag over to the kitchen table. There were banana muffins and poppyseed muffins and blueberry and-- "Cranberry!" he said happily.
"I brought tea, too," she added, holding up a thermos.
Raidou glanced at it. "What kind?"
"Pomegrante white tea," she said slowly. "Don't you already have coffee?"
"Nah. Too much trouble," Raidou said, around a mouthful of muffin. "Hey, Genma, do you have milk?"
Milk and muffins. Good god, he was five, Genma thought. He was so not straight. "It's in the fridge," he said. "We have goat milk, whole milk and cream."
Raidou opened the fridge, stared, then pulled out the goat milk and nearly took a swig from the carton before it occurred to him that it maybe these people wouldn't appreciate that. He took it away from his mouth slowly. "Uh, glasses?"
Amiri glanced at Ibiki. "So . . .what happened to the real Raidou and what's with the doppelganger that you haven't dissected yet?" she asked, half jokingly.
Everyone looked at her.
Raidou glanced at Genma, uncertain.
Amiri sighed. "Okay, I'm going to sit down and I'm going to have my tea and you're going to tell me what's going on."
**
It had been a nasty surprise to open the expense account envelope and realize they didn't even have enough money for a camping spot. Genma had mournfully complained that the last time they'd slept out in the cold, Raidou had elbowed him when he'd tried to 'share body heat', as he'd so delicately put it, and Raidou--much to Genma's surprise and glee (the fight, he thought, had been so bad that Raidou'd been turned off women entirely!) had suggested they just get a hotel room. On the crappy side of town. With one bed.
He was willing to put up with a bucket in the 'bathroom' as a toilet for that. One bed.
Genma was even happier when Raidou took off his shoes and gear pouches, setting them under his vest as a pillow. He wondered how far down he could strip before Raidou complained, and decided that wearing pants was *plenty* clothed enough.
Hey. They were pants.
Raidou wasn't sure if maybe getting a hotel room with just one bed and a Genma who was *stripped down to nearly nothing* and had done it sooooo almost-flirtatiously and--damn. Maybe it hadn't been the greatest idea ever. His Genma was going to chop his balls off.
Raidou lay down on the bed, as close to the wall as he could get. "Do you have enough room?"
Genma bounced into the straw-stuffed, possibly flea-ridden mattress. Then he smirked at Raidou smooshed against the wall, and purposefully sprawled out as wide as he could get. "I dunno," he said doubtfully. "Can't you move over?"
Raidou sighed and used his puppy-dog eyes again. "If you like, I guess I could sleep on the floor." He knew that was probably the last thing Genma wanted.
Genma laughed and curled in. "No, no, just teasing. See? I don't need--I mean--you're fine." He grinned.
"You look like a puppy," Raidou informed him. "The sort of puppy that should end up at the foot of the bed."
Genma looked utterly innocent and asked, "Are you suggesting I wiggle downward, darling?" He batted his eyeslashes just for good measure.
"I'm not your darling. Go to bed." There were some nicknames Raidou wouldn't put up with.
Genma snorted a laugh and turned off the oil lamp. Darkness fell.
"I think a cow lived here last," Genma said into the blackness.
The blackness made a soft sleeping noise.
Genma sighed.
From the other side of the wall by the headboard--or where one might have been, had they had one--he heard a rhythmic thumping. Great. They rented the sheds out by the hour. "Raidou?"
Raidou was half asleep, trying to ignore him.
Genma could *smell* him. He smelled good. Much better than the mattress. Genma grinned. It was a little strange that Raidou hadn't shot him down yet that day--had, in fact, one-upped him a few times. It was nice. Maybe the guy was coming around. Maybe--*maybe*--
He was trying not to get his hopes up. He really was.
It was the middle of the night when the arm first started sliding around his waist. He woke, startled, and then realized he recognized the scent . . . and Raidou's arm was *around his waist.* It was even tugging him closer. He scooted, more than happy to follow that lead.
Of course, Raidou was touchy anyway . . . but it was nice. If only for a night. He kept repeating that.
Raidou sleepily nuzzled into his neck, mumbled something about stupid missions, and went back to sleep. Genma happily went back to sleep, too.
In the morning Genma was woken by an alarm cock. He blinked. That wasn't really a cock, was it? Yes, really, Raidou was half hard and poking him in the butt. Idly, Genma wondered if he could encourage this. Hey, he would happily bottom if Raidou'd come around and--yeaaaaaaah. He wiggled.
Raidou snuggled closer.
Yessssssssss. Genma grinned, wrapping his hand around the arm across his chest and shimmying backward against the other man.
For a second, Raidou made an appreciative sounding noise, and Genma could swear that the mouth against his neck *almost* opened. Warm hot air *almost* poured across his collarbones. Then Raidou went still. "Are we dating?" he said, in a voice that was far too clear for early-morning copulation.
Genma froze. Was this some weird trick question? "Huh?" he asked, confused.
"Is that a yes or a no?"
Damn. It *was* a trick question. Eyes half-narrowed, Genma twisted until he could see Raidou's (oh so close) face. "Ummmm . . . we weren't yesterday but we could?"
Raidou just got up. "I'm going to go masturbate," he said in the same tone of voice he then used to say, "and then I'm going to go get coffee."
Genma flopped back into the bed. Damn. Shot down. Still, he'd gotten a heck of a lot farther . . . and obviously, the correct answer to 'are we dating' was "YES." With a grin and on an impulse, he shouted to Raidou's retreating back, "What if I say yes?"
"Well, now I know you're lying," Raidou said over his shoulder.
Genma kept grinning, sitting up on his elbows. "What if I'd said yes?"
"You didn't, though, did you?" Raidou said, and then he was out of sight.
For a long while Genma considered following. Hey, he'd pulled that shit before and Raidou just threw him--usually bodily--out of the bathroom. Then he decided he didn't want to leave the warm, comfy (Raidou-scented) bed.
Raidou yelled through the door, "And if you're going to masturbate, please wait for me to leave."
"Too late," Genma yelled back, grinning wickedly, eyes closed. "I was just going to use your vest here to clean up . . ." He snuggled against the vest happily.
"I really thought you could last longer than that."
"Try me and see!" Genma crowed. "I'm sure I have some left . . ."
There was no answer from Raidou. Apparently, he was focusing. Genma smirked. Not likely on girls, for once. Gods, he hoped not on girls. Damn it. Bastard Jounin. "Hey! Rai! Are you thinking of women?"
No answer.
"'Cause I wasn't."
"I know what you think about," Raidou said in a vaguely strained voice.
"What are you thinking of?" Genma asked cheerfully.
"The part where the clothes hit the floor." He didn't sound nearly as cheerful. That was normal, though. "Sexy underwear."
Genma thought about it, and decided he really was as evil as he usually was. He got up and poked his head around the bathroom door. "Really?"
Yup, sure enough, Raidou was busy doing what he had said he was busy doing. One hand braced against the wall, facing the corner, other hand busy as his shoulders and hips moved.
Raidou hadn't noticed Genma was there.
*Raidou hadn't noticed.*
Genma's eyes got wider. Holy shit. He suddenly felt like a peeping tom, rather than like a dork who was about to be flung through a wall for peering where he wasn't wanted. He practically threw himself across the bedroom and back onto the bed. He would just stay here. Yesssss.
Damn. Now he *really* needed to go take care of things. Things. Yes. That was safe. Because, damn it, he couldn't be thinking about Raidou and masturbating right that moment.
Raidou had asked him to wait until he'd left and--
There was a sharp gasp from the direction of the bathroom. Quiet and muted, but still.
Genma gritted his teeth. Now the bathroom would smell like Raidou and sex, and there was semen in there somewhere. Possibly the bucket. Damn, Raidou needed to leave. Now. "Are you leaving yet?" he called out, face still half buried in Raidou's vest.
Raidou wandered out, straightening his pants. "Yeah, thanks for waiting. Do you want coffee?"
"With cream, yeah," Genma muttered into the vest. "Out. Seriously, man. Out."
"Is my vest necessary?"
"I'm comfortable. Out."
"Okay, I'm taking your vest then," Raidou said, picking it up. "Hate to be out there naked."
Which brought a whole NEW host of images Genma hadn't needed.
"Maybe you'll last longer for the second round," Raidou teased on his way out the door.
DAMN. Genma didn't waste time.
Raidou wandered down the hall, glad he'd checked to make sure his bank account numbers and the Other Raidou's bank account numbers were the same. If he was going to be here for two weeks . . . the other guy could spare some money. He needed food, after all. Maybe things tasted different here.
As crappy as the hotel was, not far away there was a bustling downtown with apparently good food places. He stopped in somewhere that smelled good and had people inside--generally a sign that it was edible.
He tried hard not to think about the Genma back in the hotel room. 'What are you thinking about' indeed. He'd been thinking about the cute little Genma rubbing back into him and how it would have been *so nice* to just push him down and take him up on the offer, but he couldn't because this Genma was younger and different and *he wasn't married to him.*
Crepes. They had crepes. Banana crepes. He ordered several and two cups of coffee and went back to the shed-turned-hotel room.
"Did you just order the gayest breakfast you could find?" Genma asked, drying off his face after trying to wash in the basin.
"Do you think banana crepes are gay?"
"Uh, yeah," Genma snorted.
"Do you have a problem with gay things? I could go suck the cream out of these crepes by myself, you know."
Genma stared. Then he grinned. "No, no, I'll help with the sucking. I like sucking cream."
"Well, then, this one's yours."
Genma took it, still grinning. "Your vest's over there. I even cleaned off the jizz," he said, smirking. He hadn't done anything of the sort, of course. It hadn't been needed. The mattress, on the other hand . . .
Raidou shrugged. "Whatever." He gave Genma his vest back. "Ready to go? We've got a ways to travel to stay on schedule. Need to get pretty far."
"I'll go as far as you want," Genma quipped.
"I know."
Genma stared. Surely Raidou hadn't caught the double entendre. Nooo. He was just being a good shinobi and thinking of the mission. Yeah, that was it.
It certainly wasn't Raidou thinking of clever ways to bend him over things. They could probably make up the time . . .
*******************
