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Thursday, December 6th, 2012
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3:06 pm
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Hey, guys! I'm putting up a stickypost for those people heading over here for fic. :)
STORIES:
My webpage (sadly out of date) is McDragon's Lair. ALL Marvel comics fic is archived here. (Except for this birthday fic I wrote for ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1) tangeriner two years ago, and just found private-locked on my lj. o.O Ric/Shatterstar, G. Surprise. And this one: Gen, Movieverse, Jamie: The Real McCoy.)
DC fic index
Naruto fic index
Fallen Leaves: A Naruto AU about ANBU, 7 years before Kyuubi. Published serial-style, lots of stories taking place in the same universe, often interconnecting. I am one of several authors.
Star Trek: Reboot fic index
ARCHIVES:
My Naruto archive, with both my own and others' fic, is Hidden Village. It has been CLOSED. You can, however, submit and read stories at ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif?v=92.1) hiddenvillage. Woo hoo!
My Jamie Maddrox archive (also closed and out of date) is Seeing Double
My personal webpage is still McDragon's Lair. ;)
Have fun!
JB
*edit: It would help if I forward-set the date. >.> *grins*
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| Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012
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7:59 am
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I'm going through old entries, pulling up things about Sam for my Wheelchair Dog blog, and I found this from Sept, 2006:
Okay, so you know how yesterday I almost got trampled?
...wait. *looks through LJ* Oh. Um. So, yesterday another asshat stud-colt went evil and I almost got trampled. He smashed into me pretty hard, and I was actually lucky not to have a hoof in my skull. :P Not fun. Anyway, I hadn't really realized HOW hard he smashed into me until last night and today.
My muscles just keep hurting MORE. I'm practically bathing in Tiger Balm and just turning my wrist makes the muscles in my shoulder ache. And it's a big yearling, so he hit my shoulder with his lower shoulder, so my entire side got slammed with this solid wall of muscle and bone.
ooooow.
...And I wonder why I stopped training horses...
J
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| Thursday, May 17th, 2012
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12:34 pm
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Hi! I am back from Cancun. It was awesome. There was lots of sitting by bodies of water (either the pool or the beach) in the shade with free drinks, napping, reading, dancing, and trapezeing. Yes, you read that last right. :D I trapezed! It was awesome. The first day I just went to see what the rules were -- did I need to wear something in particular, could I only do it once, etc -- and they said I was fine as I was, could do it as often as I wanted, and would I like to start now?
I said yes.
I told the two people there that day -- Majer and Sergio -- that I was TERRIFIED of heights, and this led Serio to become my instant big brother. Hilarious! Also appreciated, because I needed the extra patience and TLC!
Quin went with me every day and took pics and video... most of which was last upon coming home. More on that later. She was fantastic about praising and being enthusiastic (except for the one day she got sick, but that was understandable since she was sick!). The last day Sergio convinced me to try catching -- where you let go of the bar and someone on another bar catches you -- which I finally did, because Sergio was the one catching. He was pretty hilarious: he caught me and we had this mini conversation flying through the air:
Sergio: How are you doing, my dear?
Me: *GRINS* I'm okay!
Sergio: That's good! You're right here with me. In a minute, you're going to turn and catch the bar.
Me: I'm WHAT?
Sergio: It's okay! Just do what comes natural. You're doing great.
His conversations with me were peppered with "my dear", "my love," "sweetheart," and so on, which I realized the last day wasn't true for his conversations with everyone, and nailed home the big-brother feeling. (Had I been straight, I have a hunch it would have become more of a crush feeling... but I'm not, so he didn't crank up the charm and I didn't crush! I'm totally blogging about some realizations I had surrounding this on my femme blog later today.) It also gave me the boost I needed in trusting him to do more.
Quin and I saw on Thurs that they were doing "social dancing" -- which apparently meant two stepping, east coast swing, and the very occasional waltz! We jumped into that Thurs, and cleared the dance floor. THAT was fun! Lots of compliments both that night, and the next day wandering around people would come up to us and say, "I saw you dancing last night..." It was very cool! Friday we went back, and more people told us they'd returned just to watch us dance. Talk about an ego boost!
There were comedians every night (or nearly so), and we went horseback riding that took us partially through the jungle, to see fancy polo horses/fields, Andalusians, Azteca horses, and a MASSIVE hacienda that might be the prettiest thing I've ever seen. We also went to Chichen Itza, one of the seven wonders of the world complete with pyramid and ball court, which I was thrilled with. :D (Quin nearly died of heat stroke, but I was happy. *laughs*)
The Club Med staff was amazing, too. They were all smiles and good cheer, all the time.
It was an amazing vacation, and I highly recommend the Cancun Club Med if you're able! Now... I'm trying to get back in the game. >.>
J
*edit: OH YEAH, forgot to mention that on the way home my computer got bashed around, and now I'm going to spend somewhere in the vicinity of $350 to fix it and hopefully get back the pictures and writing that was one it. Booyah.
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| Thursday, April 19th, 2012
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10:39 am
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My parents are visiting! We're going dancing at the gay bar tonight with Quin and our friends (well, whoever shows up), and it's going to be FUN. :D I'm taking my folks to the lesson beforehand; I think Mom would pick it up okay on her own, but poor Dad has two left feet. I'm hoping I can convince him to follow, since it's easier to learn!
The gardener came yesterday and tore out all the weeds. And also many of the plants. *amused* I spent the morning taking out "volunteers" (you know, plants that planted themselves) and putting them in the bare patches. Hopefully they'll survive!
Also, I have a new client with a human-aggressive English bulldog, and I'm having so much fun with him! I've gone long stripes of bruises across my thigh, and I have to get my bulky leather jacket (the "aggressive dog" jacket) repaired now, but I'm still excited! His owner is awesome and keeps her cool, doesn't freak out, which is 2/3 the battle. When I said, "Don't yell at him for attacking me; it adds to the energy and will make him more aggressive" she instantly calmed down and listened. He was improved by the time I left, though most of that was due to exhaustion! He'll take longer than I'm used to -- he's very stubborn -- but not as long as she expects. Woot!
Also, my lovely wonderful steady, Quin, brought me red and white carnations for my counter to spruce up the place for my parents' arrival. :D She's very thoughtful. My parents are meeting her kids, which is kind of a big deal to her, I'm just excited. We're all going to the zoo on Saturday together, which means the kids can run ahead and look at the animals and the adults can talk. ;) She's been having a hard time sleeping of late, but took excellent care of me when I was sick anyway, and has really been working on keeping her temper and negative comments to herself. I love my sweetie.
Also! Cancun in 2 weeks! SO EXCITED. I keep buying clothes. >.> I'm going to have a whole new wardrobe. (But honestly, I found the most awesome shirt ever! It's mottled blue and white, and instead of straps it has delicate silver chains that go across the front, above the shirt -- resting on my skin -- and the same in the back, and they link together through eyelets and those are the straps. SO AWESOME. It makes me feel terribly sexy.)
Phew. Okay, I'm off to play with my folks. :D
J
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| Sunday, April 15th, 2012
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9:29 pm
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I've been reading my happy head books again lately. I needed the mental tune-up. I'm not there yet (will I ever be? Probably not, and I'm okay with that), but I'm in much better states than I was.
I've remembered that I don't have to judge everything and everyone, that I can give people the benefit of the doubt, that I can offer compassion to myself and others. That I don't have to fix it, I just have to listen and (in the case of dog training) help where I can.
That everyone has a gift, and I'm lucky enough to have two that can be monetized: dog training and writing. Maybe I'd rather be doing a lot more writing than dog training, but I can still use my dog training gift to help a lot of people, and it's all good. The writing is coming along, too.
I remembered that moving forward doesn't mean having no fear. It means being afraid, acknowledging it, and doing what's right in that moment despite it.
I remembered a lot of stuff that I needed to remember, most of which I can't remember to write down at this moment (ironically), in part because then I got the head cold of DOOM and was laid low until today.
I have this cycle. It goes like this:
1. Be happy!
2. Get busy!
3. Make money and happily put it aside!
4. Get busier!
5. Forget that I can take time off, because I'm too busy to remember...
6. Make more money...
7. Get frantic...
8. Get depressed
9. Feel like I'm drowning and in a last ditch effort pull out my happy head books.
10. Re-prioritize. Remember that loving everyone includes me. That if I'm going to love my neighbor as myself, to use the famous scripture, I'd better love myself a whole damn lot or I'm not doing my neighbor any good. Remember the world isn't awful, nor is it going to end if I can't get everything done.
11. Be happy!
( This got a lot longer than I meant it to. )
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, April 6th, 2012
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8:52 am
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Sherlock Holmes (the movie) fic recs? Anyone?
*edit: or perhaps I should just stick with Star Trek: Reboot...
J
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 4th, 2012
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9:04 am - Endgame!
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Also, have you seen the show on Hulu called Endgame? It's TOTALLY KICK ASS. It's a Canadian show, and if you live in the US you can only see it on Hulu, but the whole of season 1 is up for free to watch right now. NOW NOW NOW.
...Because I'm completely addicted and it's not going to get picked up for a second season until they see how it fares on Hulu.
It's about a tragic hero (who's a little snarky), whose fiancee was killed in an explosion right outside his hotel. He's a chess grand master, a total genius, and agoraphobic. He wanders around this fancy hotel in his bathrobe periodically (and he's remarkably attractive, and I swear gets more attractive as I watch the show) (I LOVE HIM FOR HIS BRAIN. And snark. And shoulder and chest muscles, which are only really shown under nice, button-up shirts.), and the supporting cast is awesome and varied -- equal number of women to men, and *gasp* people of color, too! (...sadly, I don't think they're in equal numbers) -- and if you like White Collar and/or heroes that are snarky with just a leettle bit of trauma (and occasional torment) you should watch this show!
I best like the ones where things happen to freak him out. They are rare, but beautiful. >.> (If you like those kinds of shows, you should watch the episode "Mr. Black." He gets panic attacks. >.> I kinda love it when he gets panic attacks. They don't happen often. Usually when someone evil tries to drag him outside. Oh! "I Killed Her." That one was good for that, too. <.<)
Then there's Sam, who's a grad student and totally sweet, and Dani, who is one of my favorites. She's the (hawt!) bartender with a semi-shady past who gets Arkady (the Russian -- did I mention Russian? -- hero/grand chess master) his alcohol, and there's Elsie (sp?), the staff maid who gets roped into helping solve crimes, and is a young grandmother, and is kind of motherly toward Arkady in an awesome, "Do this or I'll slap your hand" kind of way, but also in an, "I have faith that you'll overcome your agoraphobia and then I'll invite you to my granddaughter's birthday party" kind of way. Oh, and Pippa, his almost sister-in-law, who's trying to figure out who murdered his finance/her sister.
The only character I don't care for is Hugo (security manager), and I only don't care for him because I think they should treat him a little more seriously, since he was a homicide detective. Instead, they mostly use him for coming up with idiotic ideas. Granted, Arkady comes up with his own idiotic ideas sometimes, but he's smart enough not to say them out loud.
Mid way through the season they laid off the stupid flashbacks to Arkady's fiancee, too, which I appreciated because they were way too frequent.
I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCH I WANT TO WRITE FIC ABOUT IT. So go watch it, so there will be a season 2 and I don't resort to fic-writing. >.<
J
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| Monday, March 26th, 2012
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11:33 am
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8:37 am - What I did on my summer...er, SoCal vacation
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| Friday, March 9th, 2012
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10:57 am
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I did my sprints again today! (I like to pretend, when I start sprinting, that I'm one of my characters off to make a daring rescue of another character. Shuddup.) My torso muscles are already getting sore again... There's lots more twisting and tensing in sprinting rather than jogging. Pretty cool.
I've also been reading some things that tangeriner mentioned: a romance series by Lisa Kleypas (the Wallflower series) that I've quite enjoyed, though I want to see if a book was ever written about a gypsy side-character (I have such a thing for gypsies. It's probably half of why I'm so attracted to Quin: she has that dark-hair-dark-eyes look. And creamy skin. Mmmm.). I hope so!
I've also been reading (also at Tangerine's suggestion) Incorruptible and Irredeemable by Mark Waid. FanTAStic! Actually, I read the first volume (I'm getting them in trades) of Irredeemable just to get the basic story, since I know Incorruptible is an off-shoot, and it was what I expected: a great story, awesome plot, wonderful writing, about a hero who goes bad. There's really no character I can get totally caught up with, and I read books for characters predominantly, but it's a great story. If you read books for plots (and you like dark stories), I strongly recommend it. (dexfarkin, I'm looking at you. Though I imagine you've probably picked it up already... It's right up your alley.)
Incorruptible, on the other hand, has a bad guy trying to be a good guy. It's also pretty dark, but because the guy is on a redemption path, I have a character I can root for. I LOVE IT SO MUCH.
Season 3 of White Collar is back in swing again, and it's such an awesome show. One of the things I really like about it (aside from the banter and the eye candy -- I totally don't object to objectification) is the spread of cast. The two main characters are both men (I think this was a wise move from a storyteller aspect, because if one of them was a woman there'd be social pressure to Get Them Together, regardless of whether or not one was married, and then we'd have yet another man/woman team. And if both of them were women, I'd never have seen the guy who plays Neal Caffery, and I wouldn't be able to drool over him) (I LIKE objectification!), but there are plenty of strong female side characters, who have just as large a role as the other side characters.
In fact... there might be more strong female side characters than male ones. Let me think: the male side characters are Jones and Mozzy. The females ones are Diana, Elizabeth, Alex -- though she hasn't been in this season really -- and the redhead whose name I just forgot. (She's hot.) So, yeah. And they have LIVES. They are AWESOME.
In addition to remembering women on the show, they remembered that not all women are sticks (Elizabeth is heavy for the television world and normal for the real world, and GORGEOUS), and not everyone is straight (Diana has a partner, and they don't hit all the lesbian stereotypes. I LOVE the way they treat this. Like it's normal. WOO HOO!)
AND not everyone is white. The people of color to white people ratio isn't even, so that's an area that could be improved, and I'll hope they add any new characters as POC characters. And not evil. But Diana and Jones are both POC, so that's good; at least they get a lot of screen time.
God DAMN, I love this show so much. AND it's CLEVER. I mean, you can have all these things and still fall horribly, horribly flat. In fact, sometimes people are trying so hard that it's obvious, and then it's REALLY flat. That hasn't happened, here.
The show is smart and interesting, with enough over arcing plot to link the episodes, but not so much that it takes over. They solve fun crimes you don't normally see on television, they have a great cast, and I LOVE all the interaction and relationships between people. They're great!
Yeah. So. That's how I kill time these days. ;) Back to editing...
J
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| Thursday, March 8th, 2012
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7:24 pm - Post of random topic-jumping
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I met with Ryan and Nezu today for the first time in a while, and it was so good to see them! We had lunch at a Chinese place and shot the breeze until Ryan had to go back to work, then Nezu and I took the dogs (they were waiting in the car) for a walk to the ocean and back. It was awesome! I met the new girl rats, and the butch one (yes, there's totally a butch rat) snuggled under my breasts, as butches do. It was an awesome visit. :D
I was watching Once Upon A Time -- a show that I really, really like, mostly for their creativity in intertwining Western fairy tales, and they used this really irritating, sexist cliche. It's meant to create star crossed lovers, but it only annoys the crap out of me. Here's the cliche:
Guy and girl meet and fall in love.
Guy finds out that if they continue down their path of love, it will mean the girl can't fulfill some other aspect of her life.
Guy sacrifices his love life so the girl can go and fulfill that other aspect of her life.
Girl cries and tries to get guy to change his mind, but guy holds firm.
Guy and girl separate. Presumably girl goes to fulfill that aspect of her life, and guy is typically shown as being miserable, having sacrificed his happiness for her.
OH. MY. GOD. This drives me insane! I'm sorry, but I'm the only person in my life who can decide what future is best for me! I'm the only one who can decide which aspect of my life I'd prefer to give up, and which will bring me the most happiness if I can't reconcile both! This dude who decides not to let me make my own choices and essentially tells me I'm too stupid and emotional to choose myself? He's not a wonderful martyr! He's a dick! He's an overbearing, controlling, sexist asshat.
UGH. I hate that cliche. HATE. IT.
...Other than that, the show is awesome. (I love Gold! I could do without Mary Margaret, but she's not terrible. I'm more fond of the ways in which they twine the old fairy tales than the current stuff, but that's no big deal, either. I like both well enough.)
Now that I'm thinking of sexist stuff, you know what else bugs me? This song:
The sad thing is, I really like the verses. But I never get that far, because I hate the chorus SO DAMN MUCH. It makes me want to cry. No, really. I feel totally violated every time I hear it. I feel objectified and powerless. Like someone is watching me shower and I can't make him stop.
It's taken me a while to figure out why. I mean, there are plenty of other sexist songs that are similar that I really enjoy. For instance, I love this song:
If anything, it's worse because he doesn't even want to fall in love! He just wants to drool over her butt. But it's fine with me, I enjoy it, and I just laugh.
The difference in the two songs is really in the refrains:
Country Girl:
Shake it for the young bucks sittin' in the honky-tonks
For the rednecks rockin' 'til the break of dawn
The DJ spinnin' that country song
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon
Shake it for the birds, shake it for the bees
Shake it for the catfish swimmin' down deep in the creek
For the crickets and the critters and the squirrels
Shake it to the moon, shake it for me girl
Aw, country girl, shake it for me
Girl, shake it for me
Girl, shake it for me
Country girl, shake it for me
Girl, shake it for me
Girl, shake it for me
Versus Honky Tonk Badonkadonk:
That honkey tonk badonkadonk
Keepin' perfect rhythm
Make ya wanna swing along
Got it goin' on like Donkey Kong
And ooo wee, shut my mouth, slap your grandma
There outta be a law, get the Sheriff on the phone
Lord have mercy, how's she even get them britches on?
That honky tonk badonkadonk
The difference in the two choruses is that in the first one, the woman is being told to go shake it for everyone else. It's an order. The mental image I get is of some guy being like, "Yeah, baby, you go do this for me and my buddies. Even the animals watching are more important than whether or not you want to. And no, you don't actually get a choice in whether or not you want to."
In the second one, there's no order. Ever. The guys play her favorite song hoping she'll get up and dance, and she does, but no one tells her she has to. She can quit at any time. Still sexist? Oh, yeah, no doubt. But she has free will, which is absent in the first one.
Now, in the first one's defense, the verses are sweet (whereas they aren't sweet in the second one -- funny, yes, sweet, no). But I can't get past that first chorus to GET to the verses without being totally skeeved out.
It's kind of soured me on Luke Bryan's songs in general -- or at least his semi-love-ballads -- because he uses the same base sounds, so they sound vaguely alike. My emotional reaction to this one is so strong that I have an echo of the same reaction to anything that sounds like it. Which is most of his other songs... :( This sucks extra because, though its popularity has waned (THANK GOD), it's still remarkably popular, even at the feminist-heavy lesbian dances Quin and I go to (where they turned it into a line dance AGH).
Anyway. Know what I like? SALAD! It's warm and sunny and I've been eating salads and veggies. I'm trying to get slim enough for my damn stomach muscles to show for when I go to Cancun, beginning of May. (I gained about 10-15 pounds over the last year -- which I've bitched about before -- and haven't manged to shed it...) A friend of mine mentioned that she'd read a study about sprinting. That they took two groups of people and had one group jog (what I do) for 90 minutes a day (only I do it for... 20 minutes. >.>), and the second group sprinted for one minute, then walked for one minute. They did a total of ten sprints, so 20 minutes. At the end of a long period of time (6 months? A year? I forget) the people who'd done the sprints had the same body strength and muscle tone as the people who'd done all that jogging!
I started sprinting. Not a minute at a time! Good god, no. I started at 30 seconds at a time, and that nearly KILLED ME. I was sore all over! Muscle sore! My obliques were sore! Do you know how long it's been since I did something that made my obliques sore? A REALLY LONG TIME. Two days later, they're STILL sore. I did sprints Mon and Tues, took Weds off, did jump roping today, and they're STILL SORE.
I love it. More sprints for me! :D :D And I don't get as bored as when I'm jogging, because things keep changing up. Yay!
Okay, I think I've written myself out. Off to check everyone else's blogs. :D
J
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| Thursday, March 1st, 2012
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11:59 am - Randomosity
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Life is a little nuts, but that's nothing new, right?
I got a new computer. :D I'm going to Cancun at the beginning of May with Quin. :D :D I'm headed home at the end of this month, and then again some time later this summer. I should be writing today, but... I'm having a heck of a time focusing AT ALL. I finally opened the word doc, and it seems totally daunting. I have nothing in me. I think it's the first day of my period, and this is pretty typical. Distressing, since I haven't written in a MONTH, but typical. :( I won't have much time to write tomorrow, either. :( :(
I have some errands I need to run (maybe I'll just go do those), and I need to wash the dogs, and I'd like to vacuum. I feel pretty good, but annoyed at my lack of writing. I should take it easy on myself -- I can't force my brain to work -- but I'm frustrated at my lack of time, lately, which has led to the lack of writing. I'm starting to feel that inner drive gnawing away at me, and that sort of anxiety that omgI'mnevergoingtogetpublishedifIdon'tWRITE! That's also partly PMS...
Other than that, things have been remarkably good. It's my busy season, so I've been socking away money. Things are finally settling down; I actually have openings next Saturday, instead of being booked for 2 weeks solid never mind, that booked. I have openings Mon the 12th, though! This (the ease off on work) is a good thing. I'm also taking this month off boarding dogs, which is also a good thing. The dog with biological aggression is doing much better. I had a heart to heart with her mom, including phrases like, "If you don't stop breaking the rules, and start training, your dog will have to be put down within the year." She stopped breaking the rules and started training, and things are MUCH better. She's still breaking some rules, but she's doing enough training to make up for it, so... I'm happy.
*sighs* Much as I was hoping to write, I think today is a tidying day. Wash dogs, run errands, clean house. My brain is just not willing to be creative. Too much blood loss or something. >.<
In fun news, Quin and I went to the mountains a couple of weeks ago for our two-year anniversary/my birthday! It was her present to me. :D We went to this awesome little cabin on the outskirts of Yosemite. We slept and snuggled and read books and went on this awesome hike, up and down this steep and gorgeous trail. There were waterfalls and we could see steam from a hot spring (but couldn't quite get to it. I might have tried, but we had the dogs and I was afraid they'd follow and Lily would slip and drown. >.>), and walked over a log bridge (where Cash nearly took me out when he slipped and came thiiiiis close to going over the side, with me holding his leash. I WOULD NOT HAVE LET GO. Not losing my dog...) and played in some snow and it was awesome! I have pictures. Someday I'll put them up.
Last weekend, Quin told me that love and marriage had come up with the kids. I don't remember exactly how the conversation went, but at one point this exchange was made:
Kids: And then Jenna would be our stepmom and Alan (their mom's boyfriend) would be our step dad!
Quin: What would you think of having Jenna as a stepmom? Would you like that?
Kids: *BIG grins and nods!*
I am both touched and terrified. Ironically, Quin told me about this the same day I realized that if anything should happen to me, I wouldn't, at this point, just be breaking Quin's heart, but I'd be hurting the kids, too. And they're too young to understand. And then I got scared. >.> Luckily, I love Quin dearly and managed to shake it off.
There were all sorts of funny things I was going to report on, but I've forgotten most of them. :(
Oh! I had a hilarious moment in my dog class the other day. One of my clients, Bev, is in her 60s or 70s. She wears brilliant blue contacts and dyes her hair jet black. She's the epitome of eccentric in clothes, mannerisms, speech, etc. The woman has Flair. I have no idea if she knows I'm gay, but I don't make any secret about it. Several of my clients know that my assistant trainer is also my girlfriend.
Anyway, we were just winding up class, and I mentioned that I was going to Cancun in May.
Bev: Oh, how fun! Where are you staying?
Me: I have no idea! Some resort. There's this group called Olivia, and they rent out a whole resort or a whole cruise ship and stock it with no one but lesbians. *big grin*
Bev: Oh, you're going to have fun!
And then she gave me this saucy, knowing look. I nearly killed myself laughing! (So did everyone else, though the couple from Iowa, who hadn't known, gave me a double take before they chuckled! It's impossible to tell if they were surprised I was gay, or surprised that I, specifically, with my lack of gaydar-waves, was gay. They didn't seem terribly alarmed, so I'm guessing the latter.)
I had another coming out moment, as well. I've been asked to guest lecture at the Los Gatos High School a couple of years running now, and every year Steve asks me, "Have you ever used positive reinforcement on people?" To which I say, "Yes!" And think up a demonstration. Now, mostly I think of Quin, since I'm around her the most, and the past two years I stumble over that. "I was out with my -- er, uh, friend, and we were..." I know high schools can be funny about gay stuff, so even though Los Gatos is lesbian mecca, I didn't want to get Steve in trouble.
Well, I have another client who's a teacher there, and I saw her a few days ago. So I told her what was going on, and said, "Paris, I have a girlfriend but I don't know what the policy is and don't want to get Steve in trouble. Would I? I also don't like censoring myself, and generally don't bother to; I'm not interested in hiding this aspect. What can you tell me about school policy?"
Paris was hilarious. She said that, like anywhere, they had their intolerant people, but that school policy was progressive. They have a Gay and Straight Alliance, diversity and tolerance posters all over, "Safe space" triangles, and the teachers and staff have all been coached on what to say if they hear someone using the terms "fag," "faggot" or "gay" in negative settings. So, she said, I should be perfectly fine in saying anything I'd like.
Then she got excited about it. "In fact, if anyone said anything to you, they'd get in huge trouble. We have -- do we? We do have other out staff, and if they're comfortable with it we encourage it so the kids are exposed to more things and have role models. And you're successful and happy and top in your profession, so that'd be great!"
I had a good crack up (and was flattered). And she was even more excited that I'm comfortably out and talk about it casually. I couldn't decide if she was proud of me or if she was excited that the kids would have a good role model/stereotype breaker. I'm not sure SHE knew which was true! Likely both.
It always cracks me up in a strange sort of way when someone is proud of me for being out and honest about it. I mean, I'm so divided. It's totally ego-stroking to be praised for it and have someone be proud of me. It's amusing that they're proud, because it's not like it's something they helped with. It's frustrating that they're proud, because it shouldn't be a big enough deal to be proud over. It's distressing, because it's a sign of how much even straight people realize that it's difficult and scary to be out, and it shouldn't be. Such a maelstrom of emotions.
Mostly I let the happy ones surface and try to acknowledge but let go of the less happy ones.
Anyway. Quin made a photo album of Chistmas this past year, and it's made me want to make my own photo albums. There's all sorts of ways now to do them online; I just have to upload pics and actually DO it. That's the tricky part. I'd do it today, but even without writing I suspect my plate is loaded.
In fact, I think I'll get up and get some stuff done. If I have time later, maybe I'll just go back and start editing my book. That still needs to be done, and requires less creativity. In fact, I'll plan on that for tomorrow and maybe next week, too.
Booyah.
J
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| Wednesday, February 15th, 2012
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3:49 pm - Dog training rant
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I have a client, P, who has a biologically aggressive dog, Daisy. Daisy is not a dog who will ever be able to be treated normally. Ever. She might be able to have a halfway decent life. Except P is a flake.
We talk 2-3 times a week, and in every conversation we discuss DO NOT BREAKING THE DOG RULES. These include, but are not limited to, Daisy not being allowed on the couch or the bed. We had this discussion, in fact, yesterday afternoon.
This morning I get a phone call, and among the things P said were, "So I was snuggling with her in bed this morning..." and "She had an outburst sitting on the couch yesterday..." P doesn't do anything I tell her. Anything. The dog went from nasty evil viscious creature to actually managable while I had her... and in two weeks, has gone back to nasty evil viscious creature.
P says Daisy is being 'stubborn' and doing these things because she's angry at P for ________. The reason changes. No matter how many times I say this is NOT the case, P continues in these beliefs. She also continues NOT to do the training I tell her to, and NOT to solve things the way I've told her to ("I stopped squirting her because she was really wet." "YES. I KNOW. She gets really wet. We talk about this EVERY TIME. Squirt her ANYWAY." "I'm really busy, so I haven't gotten around to practicing her training." "She is only going to get worse and forget what she learned if you don't practice!"), as well as breaking the rules I tell her not to break.
And when her dog has outbursts, she acts completely surprised.
...
It gets better! When I say, "P, you have to practice these things," she says, "I'm doing them!" then comes back a day later to tell me she's been really busy, and...
She's in puppy classes with a fellow trainer, Anna. Anna is awesome. Anna is calling me to say, "P refuses to listen in class. P talks to everyone, distracting the group. P lets her dog go posture (ie, be a dick) over other dogs after I've just finished telling them all not to do that." To which I say, "I know. I can't get her to listen, either."
And the worst? This isn't a dog you can mess around with. Right now, I suspect this dog will have to be put down within the year.
Thank GOD for Anna, who's taken to repeating to me, "She's failing her dog," which reminds me that I've done all I can; I can't change P. This is not my fault. And the worst part is that if she'd say, "You know, Jenna, I haven't been doing the training," I'd say, "THANK GOD. So, let's start doing that!" But instead she says, "I'm doing it!" And she truly believes that.
I'm so unbelievably frustrated.
I've asked her to start writing down Daisy's outbursts, as well as when and what she practices on. I have no idea if it'll work, but I'm crossing my fingers...
J
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| Sunday, February 12th, 2012
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7:17 pm
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You know what's hilarious? A stoned dog.
So, near as we can tell, Quin's cat knocked the last bite of hash brownie onto the floor and Lily, in her infinite hunger, ate it.
...
After Googling to make sure it wouldn't hurt her, we proceeded to laugh REALLY HARD at the stoned dog wandering around. Mostly she was happy to just sleep it off, but every time she got up it was like she had booties on her feet -- she was walking, jiggling her legs, and just in general acting cracked out. Hilarious!
I wouldn't, of course, recommend getting your dog stoned on purpose (especially as normal pot can be quite harmful, and chocolate is bad for them). But if it happens, enjoy the show!
J
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| Saturday, February 11th, 2012
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7:57 pm
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Building on my last post, I processed with Quin and we came up with at least partial solutions.
1. Work. Work is insane. Work is booming. I don't have a single opening until the beginning of March, and I'm booked solid -- sometimes ten hour days -- between now and then. (Aside from the 5-day vacation Quin and I are going on. :D) This is actually the least I've been booked in a month... I get about 7 new client calls a week, and usually 5 of them book. This is really more work than I can keep up with, though I know it goes in cycles and will phase off as summer nears.
Anyway, I've been taking and answering calls and texts as late as 9 and 9:30 at night, so I'm stopping that. I've been taking and answering calls and emails on my writing days, which cuts into them significantly, so I end up writing later and being unable to see friends or do fun things.
SO. Some new rules.
Except for new client calls, I'm going to return calls DURING THE DAY, in the afternoon after I've done writing. I'm not going to return calls or texts after 6:30pm (even new client calls). I'm not going to continue with my 'call a client until I'm able to talk to them' philosophy; I'm going to call, leave a message, and if they have an issue they can call me back. Once upon a time talking to them drummed up tons of business; now I don't need that, and they can be adults about it and take responsibility if they need help.
I'm going to start taking Fridays and Sundays off from anything dog-related. Not trying to, but actually doing it. I may even put it on my phone message, so everyone knows what to expect.
I'm going to stand firm on my new rules. This will be the hardest of all, but I'm going to do it.
2. Friends. I'm going to start making a greater effort to reach out and make plans. I tend to freeze up, paranoid that I'll make plans and then it'll mess up something else. But you know what? Other things can be scheduled around my friends, just like they're scheduled around my work. It'll be fine.
3. Writing. I'm going to dip my toes back into fandom. If I start coming up with lengthy plots, I'll see if I can't turn them into books and stick with shorter plots. I keep coming up with ideas for the DC comics I'm reading right now (Reboot has opened all SORTS of possibilities), so maybe I'll write them down and start posting.
Also, I asked Momo if she'd be interested in starting Killing Time again, knowing that I can only write one evening a week. This'll be a trial start for me, if she says yes (or we come up with something else): if I get obsessive, I'll have to quit all RP'ing full stop, but if I can play at something lighthearted, that'd be good.
I don't have any solutions for the Tsume's-unfinished-character-arc-in-FL issues, but I'm still thinking on it. I did give more thought to resolve it in-novel, and may have come up with an option. It would split Tsume's character arc into two characters; part of the arc is being completed in my current novel, and I could likely play out and complete the other part of it through her daughter. I'm not sure that'll fulfill the entire need, but it might. Like I said, I'm still thinking on it.
In general, I know that I've been using this blog primarily for processing issues, but things have actually been really good. Business is booming, I have vacations planned out, I'm saving tons of money, I should even be getting a tax return (in that I set aside more money than I needed to), and though my friends are few, they are awesome people. I wish I had a tribe, but I'm working on that. Things with Quin are great, and things with my family much, much better; I've been making more of an effort, and they have too, so I think the feelings I was having around them are resolving. All in all, all good stuff.
Now I just need to finish my novel... ;)
J
(PS, ashlan, I'm totally using our Scotty plotline for a book, instead. It'll be AWESOME. Also, years in the coming, but at least it's coming!)
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| Thursday, February 9th, 2012
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5:05 pm
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Soooo... There were a few threads on Killing Time that I was able to get to and read, and I really enjoyed them.
There's some things rattling around in my head lately. Things that kept me awake last night.
1. Fandom and my lack of it
So, I basically got out of fandom when I moved up here. All fandom. Not because I wanted to, but because I got busy and was writing on Stuff I Can Publish and so on. I've mentioned before feeling isolated, and I think that's a huge part of it. I think about traveling now, and suddenly I don't have people where I can go and crash. I don't have the big get togethers we used to do for the heck of it. I'm out of the loop about fannish gatherings at cons. I don't open my email and see fun emails from friends. Of the friends I did have we've mostly drifted apart without a shared interest (and because I suck at keeping in touch, though I'm REALLY working on it these days). I'm out of the loop altogether, and I don't like it. The way back in, of course, is to rejoin fandom somewhere. But I've never had the patience for reading fic -- even when I was writing it, I very rarely read it -- and I don't really have the time to write it. I don't feel like I can re-join FL (see below) or anything else I'm likely to get obsessive over. Which leaves me... well, back outside, again. I suppose another way to solve this is to find a different community, maybe a RL community, to be part of. I've looked around, and been less successful than I'd hope. Most RL communities require you go do things in the evenings; evenings are difficult for me, and now that I'm only writing 2 days a week it's better, but still not stable. I can't say, "Every Tuesday is good," because sometimes it's Tuesday and sometimes it's Thursday and sometimes it's Friday. All of this leads me back to co-writing. Co-writing had a more flexible schedule and kept me in fandom in at least limited ways. But...
2. Co-writing
I have some serious qualms about co-writing anything again. The biggest one is my own neurotic tendencies: if it becomes an obsession, I have to quit. It's never a fun, good kind of obsession (is there such a thing?) it's a writing obsession. I want to finish whatever I'm working on, and until I do I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't work on other things. When you're working on a schedule made with another person, that's impossible. Also, if I'm not working on something, I'm thinking of things I could be working on. I start plotting for that instead of my original stuff. I start stressing out over whether or not I have time. I start stressing out worried that other people will stress out because I'm not around enough. Etc. It is Not Fun.
Another concern is that I DON'T have a lot of time. I can't work on something like Fallen Leaves because the rest of the group writes more, faster than I can keep up with, and threads all hinge on each other. One thread can hold a character up, and then hold up other threads, etc. It's a pain in the ass.
Then I look at something like Killing Time, which didn't swallow my brain as much, and I think, "I wonder if I could do something cracktastic like that again..." Then I wonder if it's a gateway drug.
And speaking of gateway drugs, it kills me that I didn't finish my Tsume arc in Leaves, so then I think, "Maybe I could just finish her arc... it'd probably be two big threads, and then I could send her to the Inuzuka all patched up..." Seriously. The writer in me is CHAFING that I didn't essentially finish her story. (Probably why I basically am writing a fantasy series about her... Except enough is changed that it's a slightly different character arc, now. Gr.)
I'm still trying to decide what to do. It's tempting to try something a little more light hearted, if I can write like... one day a week. >.> It seems like a way back in to my fandom community, if only on the fringes. I miss it so. Co-writing seems, in many ways, more do-able than fanfic writing again... I have a hard time focusing on more than one thing at a time: when I write fic, I focus on that and not my books. But co-writing could POSSIBLY be a way to limit the other writing and help me stay book-focused at the same time.
Or it's all rationale for my addiction. >.< I need to think some more. I always need to think some more. *wry smile* But I do sure miss the community and chatting and fun emails and the excitement I used to have upon opening my computer. That's gone, and it sucks. I feel very community-absent. :(
J
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7:07 am
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I had a hell of a time sleeping last night, and I was thinking about stories and writing and RP'ing and all that other stuff. I really miss RP'ing/collaborative writing, but I can't go back to Fallen Leaves because I get obsessive over it, and I'm trying to write novels and don't have the hours needed to write with the gang. (Even going to find that link gave me a knee jerk, "Oooh, I should read this!" response, which will only trigger my lovely addictive tendencies...)
Anyway. You know what I started thinking about when I decided I couldn't obsess on Fallen Leaves last night? Killing Time! I Googled it ("Killing time dick kisame" which didn't turn up nearly the hilarious things I thought it might. I mean, c'mon, killing time and dick in the same search?) and found it! Found Momo's incredibly awesome compilation of threads, which is incredibly awesome.
So now I'm going to go read it. And hopefully not get obsessive. >.< (This will be helped by the fact that I think most of them were on Greatest Journal, which is now down. We'll see what's left...)
J
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| Saturday, January 28th, 2012
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12:21 pm - "What's a soul?"
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We were watching Harry Potter today with Quin's almost-8-year-old twins, and the Dementor was sucking out Harry's soul. One of the kids asked, "What's wrong with him?" And Quin said, "The dementor is eating his soul." To which the kid asked "What's a soul?"
I was in the bathroom for this, and listened to Quin hesitate and say, "That's a good question, kiddo, and it has kind of a complex answer. Let me think about a good way to explain it."
I don't know that we ever got back around to explaining it; Quin looked it up in the dictionary, which had a good general definition: "The spiritual part of a person that is often thought to control the ability to think, feel and act."
It made me start thinking, though. How do I define a soul? I think everyone defines it a little differently, depending on religious and spiritual beliefs. I believe everything has or is made up of the Divine, including mundane things like chairs and streets. But I don't believe chairs and streets have a soul; more that matter is all part of the divine.
Even still, after pondering it a little while I think my sort of gut-reaction, combined with my thoughts about it, makes me feel that a soul is the bit of divine inside me that will rejoin the rest of the divine later. It's the eternal bit of me that suggests (but doesn't completely define) my personality. It's the part of me that knows what I need to learn to complete my journey and sets things up so I can learn them in my life. It's the part of me that connects to the divine. I believe that anything living has a soul, including plants and definitely animals.
Of course, how to put that into a short definition for an eight year old? For now, we'll probably use the dictionary definition, especially as they go to a Methodist church with their mom. I don't think either Quin or I have any big need to make the kids believe exactly what we believe, and neither of us have any problems with their mom's beliefs, so I'm guessing their mom will get to define specifics.
It got me thinking, though. Something I'll have to chew over for a little while. How would you define a soul? Either to yourself or an eight year old, if you're up for the challenge? ;)
J
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| Thursday, January 26th, 2012
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3:47 pm - The hell dog.
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I'm boarding a dog at my house. She's super sweet. No, really, I know you read that subject and now you're going, "That's sarcasm, right JB?" Well, no, it's not. She's super sweet 40% of the time, independent but amusing another 50% of the time, and an utter psycho dog 10% of the time.
Wait. Let's do some info dump'ing.
There are lots of kinds of aggression in dogs. 99% of the time, any aggression is learned aggression. Basically, if it shows up after six months of age, it's learned aggression. If it shows up before but your dog grows out of it... that's not aggression, that's an overly exuberant puppy. I know they growled, showed teeth, and drew blood. Yes, that's an overly exuberant puppy.
If, however, it shows up early -- like, say 2 or 3 months, or even younger -- and sticks around? That's biological aggression. (A note: If it shows up late in life, very suddenly, take your dog to the vet. It could be a liver issue.)
There are various types of biological aggression. There's a thyroid imbalance, which is rare but VERY easily treatable. There's the liver issue in the note above. There's a few other chemical/hormonal imbalances that can be checked for and treated.
Then there's congenital aggression. Congenital aggression means something is broken in your dog's brain. No, really. They do CT scans to figure out which bit isn't working right. (There's nothing they can really do once they figure that out, mind you.) There's some pretty consistent patterns in which it shows itself. Usually like this:
"La dee da, I'm the happiest puppy in the world! I love butterflies! And being petted! And I adore -- I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR FUCKING FACE OFF YOU BITCH! BRING IT! BRING IT!" *cue being ripped bloody by another dog, long past the point any sane dog would stop* "I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"
Yeah. It's sudden, very extreme, the dogs never back down if you try the Dog Whisperer thing, and it's very, very frightening.
Cue the puppy I'm boarding. I first saw her at 7 months, and it was clear from the get-go that she had some sort of biological aggression. (We've since run the tests: it's congenital.) I picked her up at 9 months old (no time for boarding before then), and have had her for almost 4 weeks now. She's actually doing amazingly well. The two-week check up is under the cut: point form what was going on, and what we'd succeeded in as of mid-Jan. Note that when I say "dislike" or "possessive" or "unwilling," etc, what that means is, "Dog instantly shows ALL her teeth, snarls, lunges, and tries to bite. WILL break skin if she makes contact." Something like "extreme dislike" would indicate that she doesn't stop even if the person goes away; she chases them down and continues attacking. That said:
( Cut! )
TL; DR: she went from picking up and destroying everything (food, clothes, trash, toys) and full-out attacking if you tried to get near her, to dropping most things on command and settling down out of her full-on attack mode in about 30 seconds instead of 10 minutes.
Monday I left her for 8 hours to work. Tuesday she lost her ever lovin' mind. Yesterday I left her longer than I meant to. Today is a rough day -- she's definitely back slid -- but still markedly better than it used to be.
However, I just heard this giant snarling barking outside, and went charging out to see what was going on. Right at the front door, I saw the puppy (all 20 pounds of her) attacking Lily, my pit. This would be laughable if one of them couldn't very severely hurt the other, all because the puppy's "stop fighting now" switch is broken. I ended up grabbing Lily, who was defending but not attacking, and lifting her up out of the way. Then I kicked at the puppy, fully expecting her to turn on me instead.
The good news: She didn't turn on me, and no one was hurt. She backed off finally and sat in a corner, clearly freaked out.
The bad news: Oh man, when she attacks me I handle it with no big deal. When she attacked Lily I was totally shaky afterward. :( It's so much worse! She hasn't gone after one of my dogs almost since she got here, aside from the occasional snap that she stops right away. I can only guess that she snapped, and since I wasn't standing right there to yell at her, she kept going and it escalated.
It's really, really tempting to get pissed off at her. In fact, I was when I put her in her crate. But getting pissed off at her only makes things worse; it means I treat her harshly, and since she doesn't have the 'back off' switch other dogs do, she escalates. And since she's broken, she escalates FAST.
The other thing is that when I calm down and think about it, I realize that she DID back off (okay, when I kicked at her), and she DIDN'T attack me for kicking at her. (I'm actually still rather surprised at this.) She went and sat in the corner, and looked like the most miserable little dog you've ever seen. I was able to walk over, scruff her, pick her up, and put her in her crate with only a little growl when I lifted her. (Yes, this is improvement. It's BEEN a giant snarl, "I would rip your face off if I could get my head around," backed up by several broken-skin spots on my hand when she managed it one day.)
But what really strikes me? Is how extremely upset she looked. This is a dog with something broken in her head, not a dog that hates everyone and the world. She reacts like this, and afterward even she doesn't know how or what happened, just that everyone is pissed at her.
We're working to make her life better. These outbursts are becoming few and far between. We've figured out how to manage them when they happen. She's learned that good things happen when she calms down and thinks things through. I've got a line on a medication that might help a little, which, combined with training, could help a lot.
I'm kind of freaked out about how freaked out I got when she attacked Lily. I mean, I handled it okay -- even now, calm, I don't think I could have done anything better. But, MAN, it's worse when it's one of my dogs. :(
At least blogging about it has calmed me down...
J
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| Thursday, January 19th, 2012
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9:50 am
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I'm feeling totally defeated. Two weeks ago I decided to have two writing days instead of one so I'd have time to get everything done.
Last week I got everything done, but was only able to have one writing day.
This week I'm not close to getting everything done, and I fucked up so that I basically have one writing day.
Plus, I'm not PMSing and I'm still so emo it's unbelievable. And now I'm having insane "Hi, I haven't been writing" dreams that leave me feeling unbalanced and panicky in the morning, and pretty much emo all day -- and by emo I mean bipolar, emphasis on depression.
J
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